"O Canada", I presume? It's just as bad in America unless you have the primo insurance or enough money to pay out of pocket. The US does have more hospitals/medical centers per capita, which alleviates some of the organizational issues, but if you don't have any kind of insurance and are poor, you're lucky to get seen by a first year med student after a six month wait.
You've got major depression. Which can be managed pretty well when you've got a decent psych, but beating depression is a battle of a thousand paper cuts. Sure, getting sunlight and exercise and meditating all help, but they're all only one of the thousand paper cuts, and going from 0/1000 to 3/1000 when you expend Herculean effort just getting out of bed seems meaningless. For some people drugs work and cut the work needed to do the rest of their lives in half, and that's enough. Other people on the same drugs just find that the side effects are bad enough that they only added to their burden. Finding the right drugs takes time and the right psych.
I don't know you, and I don't know your situation. I do know depression, I know joylessness, I know struggling to get out of bed and struggling to go to work and struggling to speak to other human beings and maintain a life outside of staring at a wall feeling miserable in that strange, distant sort of way where you might as well be looking at someone else's feelings because if you really felt that bad you'd have ended it already. I do know that if you're here, rubbing elbows with the rest of us lainons in this weird little dive, you're cool enough to stick around on this shithole planet. Even if it's just out of spite.
And if you're already gone, man, I understand.