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lainchan archive - /drg/ - 4046



File: 1477026756421.png (8.3 MB, 183x300, Van Gogh - Worn Out (1882).jpg)

No.4046

- 3-4 cigarettes a day
- a smoke a day if I have bud on hand
- a couple glasses of wine
- jacking off every night or sex if I can

  No.4049

LSD and codeine, I hate my life.

  No.4050

jus a little hash and codeine now

now im back on the deep web i have to be careful..i was tranqs, magic mushroom, weed everyday, tramadol, ecstacy, coke, booze at weekends. no wonder i had mid week depression.

You quit drugs and still get depression, its just not as bad...im on a flatter plane emotionally i suppose

  No.4051

>>4049
Sounds cool tho

  No.4063

I can't control myself when there is weed or stims in the house. It's a pity, because I always want to save some for the proper opportunity, but in the end I consume it as long as it lasts.

  No.4065

• in times, I have a strong desire to murder
• I am addicted to porn, jacking off
• I am lazy
• I can go off on almost any tangent to a subject, for hours on end
• I'm fat and addicted to carbs

  No.4067

>>4049
>>4050
How is Codeine? I just started using Alphabay and I tried searching for it but couldn't find anything good. Lean is overpriced and a meme, is there a good vendor for Codeine Sulfate or something like that?

  No.4071

>>4046
I'm not sure a couple of glass is a vice. Neither is 3 or 4 smokes if you can go without them.

I drink until there is no money left, then realize I didn't buy any food while there was an opportunity. Wait for there to be money again, repeat process. Now that's a vice.

Caffeine but that's an addiction I enjoy. I like craving it and then satisfying the craving.

Also I jerk off an average of 2x a day, sometimes as much 4 or 5. Even when I have an active sex life, actually I think I do it more then. I had the best girlfriend ever once, great sex. Then I'd wake up in the morning and start playing with myself again. She would just hand me a dirty t-shirt to wipe up with and snuggle into me, barely opening her eyes before falling asleep again. Access to sex only seems to increase my sex drive even more.

  No.4084

>>4046
8cigs a day 1-2 liter beer and some vodka or soykaf. Trying to get some hard downers to od. Just finding fugin pot sellers in the streets and don't know which sites to trust.

  No.4087

>>4084
Why do you wanna kill yourself?

  No.4088

>>4084
I'm not here to tell you not to but if you're serious about it and want it to work, some research is important. A lot of people who try to OD wake up in a hospital bed with a ruined liver or brain damage or something. Also your stomach tends to vomit up toxic amounts of anything, and then you're just sick and embarrassed but still alive.>>4084

  No.4094

>>4088
This anon.. It's not worth it. You got something to live for!

  No.4096

>>4094
That's not what I said at all and who are you to tell a total stranger what they have to live for? Read the post again.

  No.4097

>>4096
Everyone has something to live for, everyone's life is worth something. I know many people that went from suicide attempts to feeling good! You can't give up, and always gotta keep fighting.

  No.4098

>>4097
Why should I? I've done more stuff in my life than most people ever will but I don't enjoy any of it anymore. No one wants to be around me anymore because I'm so depressing. My health is deteriorating and all I can see in the future is getting old and sick by myself. Every possible life choice I can think of sounds worse than the sh*t I'm already in.

  No.4099

>>4051
Feels nice.
>>4067
Pretty soykaf, got a script. Tolerance increases REALLY fast and you can't soykaf for the whole day when you've used it.

  No.4101

Quit weed years before summer started. It was ketamine/acid over the summer. (jesus christ i love ketamine but it makes me a delusional fuarrrk). Now its a combination of cocaine acid and alcohol.

Thankfully I have other things to distract me (school, exercising, other hobbies) and I have been spending a lot less time on drugs. Feels like its one vice for the other sometimes.

  No.4103

>>4067
addictive

  No.4105

>>4098
I'm not living I'm slowly dying.

  No.4106

>>4071
> Access to sex only seems to increase my sex drive even more.

I was thinking about that the other day and figure it is because the animals that had sex more often if they could have sex were more evolutionarily advantages than the ones that either never cared for sex, or were sex crazy and would fuarrrk inanimate objects all the time.

  No.4109

>>4098
>>4105
You need to find something else in your life. I think you need to find some new hobbies and soykaf to do that will keep you interested and motivated. You need to stay focused and motivated, and try to think in a positive way. Hey maybe even finding yourself a nice girl won't be a bad idea.

  No.4110

>>4109
FYI you're talking to two different people there. I've played in bands, taken flying lessons, hopped freight trains, done week long solo camping and hiking trips, tried writing novels, hosted community FM radio. I don't enjoy any of that stuff anymore and it's not that I need "a new hobby". I just don't enjoy things, period.

> Hey maybe even finding yourself a nice girl won't be a bad idea.

Married and divorced, found an even better girl and lost her across an international border. No woman is interested in a guy who used to do interesting things but nowadays can hardly leave the house. It doesn't sell very well on OKStupid.

There is no "something else in life" when I simply do not give a f*ck anymore.

  No.4112

>>4110
Dude.. Motivation, that is what you are lacking. There is no such thing as I just don't enjoy things There are different things to do, you haven't done all there is to do. Even if you think you have. You need a positive mindset and you need to actively try new things.
Something is wrong and you need to fix it as well. Are you depressed and soykaf? Therapy might be a good idea, hear what people have to say.

On a side note
>lost her across an international border
What happen?

  No.4114

Fairly similar: 2-3 cigs/day, weed/beer a few days a week.
Lots of chips and snacks.
I used to do a bunch of stuff regularly and I feel different (not necessarily better) since quitting.

  No.4122

>>4112
>you haven't done all there is to do. Even if you think you have.
I never even implied that, nothing I said implies that. You're not listening. I just feel beaten. "Trying new things" isn't an option when I can't get out of bed half the time.

> Therapy might be a good idea, hear what people have to say.

Yes, after attempting suicide once already the doctors told me I didn't have a serious problem and the implication was that there were patients more worthy of their time. The therapist they sent me to said she couldn't believe they said that and finally admitted she wasn't trained for cases like mine. My regular doctor? "um, we'll discuss this later". That kind of help isn't available here unless you're running down the road screaming with your dick hanging out, in other words, when it's become a problem for other people.

> What happen?

America is a fascist f*cking state and borders are a bitch, that's what happened.

  No.4123

>>4112
>>4110
>There is no such thing as I just don't enjoy things

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia

  No.4124

>>4122
Wow.. Why do these people seem so fuarrrking soykaf? They can't even do there job. Your problem has to be fairly common because I see people experience it a lot.

  No.4127

>>4124
>>4124
It's a system-wide problem where I live and includes incompetence and waiting lists for absolutely everything, even heart surgery. They treat people by order of priority.

  No.4128

>>4127
Is it your country?

  No.4129

I'm currently worried about smoking (I get 10 smokes at most daily, rare days up to 15 or so)
Should I be worried or is it insignificant?

  No.4131

>>4129
Man quit smoking, best thing you could do for yourself! Move onto healthier alternatives, like smoking or vaping marijuana.

  No.4133

>>4129
>>4131

this, switch to vaping. Used to smoke a pack a day for 5 or so years, felt like utter soykaf and had to quit due to a health issue that developed because of it. I vape now and feel much better. Don't fall for the "vaping is much cheaper" lie though, I'm more addicted to nicotine now then when I smoked, it's insane how fast I go through juice. Might just be because I have poor self control.

  No.4134

>>4133
That is why it's better to switch to Weed, much better for you.

  No.4136

>>4128
Parts of the country, yeah. Other parts have better healthcare.

  No.4137

>>4136
Is moving to an area where you can get better care for your problem an option?

  No.4138

>>4137
I said I'm lucky to get out of bed most days, I'm not about to get up and move to another timezone and then try to get residence there just for access to better hospitals. I'm not even sure how I'm going to feed myself this week, traveling is not really in the budget. The town I live in has the central everything for this whole province, and it still is like kicking dead whales down the beach. I'm glad I don't live out in the sticks.

  No.4139

>>4138
f*cking w*rd f*lters here are completely retarded by the way

  No.4140

>>4138
>>4139
>lucky to get out of bed most days
So you don't work? Don't go out? Of course your gonna feel like that. Get a job (Don't be a neet) and do stuff! It's extremely depressing being at home all day.

  No.4141

>>4140
I have to leave the house to use internet and that's as far as I ever get. The economy here has absolutely tanked, no one is going to give me a job. People are leaving the area because of it. Trust me, there are no jobs here for anyone like me when there aren't any for people with certified trades.

You call this a cyberpunk website and your advice is "get a job?" You can do better than that. How the hell is going to work everyday going to magically fix this? Working full time turned me into an alcoholic.

  No.4142

>>4141
Get a job is advice. How do people live otherwise? As far as I know money doesn't just fall from the sky. You're just gonna fuarrrking die there, I don't even know what to say. Tried to give advice, but nothing is possible for you to do.

  No.4143

>>4142
The thing is, I was actually replying to someone else's thread when you started throwing unsolicited advice at me. I didn't ask for it in the first place. I've had jobs, probably more than you actually. People on imageboards automatically think everyone who has a problem of any kind is just a NEET living in their mom's basement who has never tried anything in their lives. At least you didn't tell me to start lifting weights as a solution to all things, I'll give you that much.

  No.4144

>>4143
You didn't ask for it, but I was trying to change your mind about killing yourself. Does that not have any value? Dude just do what you want, as much as you say you have I know you aren't trying. Because if I was in a situation like you there would still be a lot to do.

  No.4145

>>4144
Of course I'm not trying, I spent years trying and it just made me more miserable. Every option I can think of is even worse than what I'm doing now. There comes a point when a person is drowning, that it is a relief to finally stop fighting and let the undercurrent take them.

  No.4146

>>4145
Damn man, that fuarrrking is like kicking dead whales down the beach.

  No.4147

- weed everyday, usually at night though.
- kratom 1-2 a week
- amphetamines once a week
- dissociatives 1-4 times a month
- psychedelics 1-6 times every two months
- hard opiates infrequently
- benzos 0-2 a week

I have a bit of a habit, but I have been gradually decreasing my drug use and am taking little steps toward a healthier life. At least I am doing pretty well career wise, exercise a lot and eat right

  No.4148

>>4147
Drugs aren't that bad, as long as you don't need them to function.

  No.4167

>>4131
>>4133
Thing is I currently like smoking, but I seem to like it less with time.
Mary is far expensive, I'm broke as fuck.

  No.4168

>>4167
>>4167
Man if you're broke then drop all the vices, pocket the money! and stay healthy! You can easily quit, I know people that have. It's as easy as saying I won't smoke again and stopping.

  No.4170

File: 1477968321262.png (1.45 MB, 200x143, Van Gogh - The Potato Eaters (1885).jpg)

>>4168
No it's not. Cold turkey is possible and probably the best method of quitting, but not easy like you say. It may be simple -- Be a smoker one day and never smoke again to become a former smoker -- but not easy.

It tricks you -- It's easy to quit at first. A day or two without cigarettes isn't too bad, but my brain goes through loops where it convinces myself (one way or another) to pick up a pack. Thoughts like "Hey, NAS is better for you since it's organic, right?" or "Rolling your own is better than packs, right?," maybe "I'll just smoke this last cig and then I'll be done." or the insidious "Bumming a cig from a friend at a party couldn't be too bad. It's just one.", or my current excuse "I can't concentrate for a week or so after quitting, better get my daily dose to functionally do coursework." Don't forget those nice conversations with neighbors over an evening cigarette. Could I be buddies with them if I didn't smoke?

Deep into addiction my mind rewrites reality, makes excuses, finds a way to ratoinalize that the pros outweigh the cons, and ultimately convinces me to go back to the vices that comfort me. Weed and alcohol are no different. Perhaps it speaks to my addictive personality, but it is simply not easy to quit psychoactive habits. Simple, maybe, not easy.

But hey, I have one rollie left and I'll be telling my housemates that this is the last one, and that they should stop me if they see me smoking again. Maybe it'll work this time!!

  No.4171

Welp, i gave in last night while stoned and ordered some heroin, meth, xanax, rohypnol, and oxycodone. I guess I'm planning to relapse? I kind of regret spending 1 btc last night, and will definitely regret the relapse.

  No.4174

>>4170
True, true. But if you handle it like a man, and say no is no then you could do it! My uncle got his box the day he quit and destroyed them, and never touched cigs again, he overcame all of that. It's worth the struggle! In a few months when you get over it, everything will be just fine.

  No.4176

>>4171
Cancel all that shit out if you can or sell it

  No.4177

>>4176
oh I would, but I can't. All the orders were accepted before regret set in. If I don't do the drugs, im going to have to get the strength to flush it all down the toilet (which is something i have done before, twice actually)

  No.4179

>>4046
- About a quarterish gram of weed a night for sleep and masturbation
- Vape 9mg nicotine juices when I'm intoxicated, rarely sober (so I vape at night with weed)
- Daily vyvanse so I can be a functional human
- Jack off every night
Good times.

  No.4188

>>4171
>>4177
Is selling it to a friend or something an option?

  No.4191

>>4188
I hide my usage of hard drugs from everyone in my life. I might be able to sell the benzos, but I dont know anyone who would buy H or Meth. The H came today actually, and I smoked a tiny bit and then locked it away. Right now I feel like I can resist doing it too often. My addiction is more of a binge problem, Ive never been dependent on any drugs, but I have done some super reckless things during poly drug binges that made me quit hard drugs. I have no issue putting drugs down for long periods of time - even iv heroin and meth, but once I get going on a binge I tend to try to do every drug I can get my hands on. maybe I can manage to not binge this time? Knowing myself, if I do start on a binge It'll end with me flushing $700 worth in drugs down the toilet

  No.4204

>>4191
You should really stop the drug use. Do you smoke weed? That is the one thing that you can continue doing.

  No.4215

>>4204
I am planning on it... I am actually planning a 3 month backpacking/climbing trip from january to april, and i am not bring drugs on that, so I think it will be good for getting my head straight

I ended up shooting all the heroin over 2 days, never touched the other drugs. I am glad i am out of that terrible drug.

  No.4216

>>4215
Great! That should be more than enough time for you to sober the fuck up. Where are you going backpacking?

  No.4217

>>4215watch out for that withdrawl.

  No.4218

>>4127
"O Canada", I presume? It's just as bad in America unless you have the primo insurance or enough money to pay out of pocket. The US does have more hospitals/medical centers per capita, which alleviates some of the organizational issues, but if you don't have any kind of insurance and are poor, you're lucky to get seen by a first year med student after a six month wait.

You've got major depression. Which can be managed pretty well when you've got a decent psych, but beating depression is a battle of a thousand paper cuts. Sure, getting sunlight and exercise and meditating all help, but they're all only one of the thousand paper cuts, and going from 0/1000 to 3/1000 when you expend Herculean effort just getting out of bed seems meaningless. For some people drugs work and cut the work needed to do the rest of their lives in half, and that's enough. Other people on the same drugs just find that the side effects are bad enough that they only added to their burden. Finding the right drugs takes time and the right psych.

I don't know you, and I don't know your situation. I do know depression, I know joylessness, I know struggling to get out of bed and struggling to go to work and struggling to speak to other human beings and maintain a life outside of staring at a wall feeling miserable in that strange, distant sort of way where you might as well be looking at someone else's feelings because if you really felt that bad you'd have ended it already. I do know that if you're here, rubbing elbows with the rest of us lainons in this weird little dive, you're cool enough to stick around on this shithole planet. Even if it's just out of spite.

And if you're already gone, man, I understand.

  No.4219

>>4216
Patagonia! I am very excited about it. I really need a long stint away from society to think about things.

  No.4235

it really can consider jacking off a vice?

  No.4236

>>4218
> "O Canada", I presume?
You backtraced my internet! are you a cyberpolice? But yes, you're correct.

> The US does have more hospitals/medical centers per capita, which alleviates some of the organizational issue

Rich people from here go to your country for surgery a lot, that shortens the waiting lists a little.

> getting sunlight and exercise and meditating

Adequate sunlight is a physical impossibility here for about half the year. Besides the shortened days, there's no sun to be seen anyway most of the time, just weather. Improving my diet would help more than anything and I do understand cooking and nutrition but the store is so far away and I don't drive and then we're back to that "getting out of bed" problem. The bus takes just as long, often longer.

Thank you, you've been very kind even though I've heard most of what you said before. If I could get psych drugs from a vending machine or something I would. It'd be no more dangerous than reporting in to a doctor who sees you once a month for 20 minutes. The psychiatrist I had 10 years ago, I caught reading from another patient's file believing it was mine. Real organized. Overworked, underfunded and there's a brain drain where the competent doctors move away for better pay so we get the bottom of the class. Thanks again, Lain.

  No.4237

>>4219
I wish I had a chance to go on a nice camping trip

  No.4371

File: 1481150196627.png (17.16 KB, 192x200, 1481106088548.jpg)

i like to :

- drink
- gamble
- smoke
- opiates
- stims

i wish i could try benzos some day. maybe i'll go hopping docs, its supposedly very easy around here to get some benzos but i've got my doubts.

i'm not really into weed though, too much of a head high i hate that soykaf. i'd rather feel a major buzz/get stimmed up than get a 'mental' high. which is the same reason why i'll probably never touch LSD etc.

  No.4388

A little hash n xanax helps me not lose my mind at work and chill when I get home

Just got Xanax for the first time in ages hope I dont get addicted to this soykaf but I feel like I need it, been getting so fuarrrking frustrated recently and now its ok

  No.4848

>half a pack of cigs a day
>xanax, weed, liquor to fall asleep
>cocaine a couple times a week
>a few cups of coffee a day
>jacking off anywhere from 0-4 times a day

  No.4849

ecigs
beer
snacks / meat
caffeine
weed
internet

(all legal...)

  No.4851

thinking about things I will never solve.
this website or the internet in general, my phone.
acid.
online shopping .
real life shopping.
cigarettes.
drinking.
listening to music.
going back to bed when ive woken up naturally on time.

just about any simple pleasure in my life becomes an addiction. so ive been slowly removing simple pleasures. These are whats left, welcome to the gallery.

  No.4854

-sitting in my room all the time
-browsing wired mindlessly
-6 litres of carbonated water a day

at least it's not a costly lifestyle eh

  No.4869

ecig
vodka
caffeine
internet
mollies every other week
lady boys

I know I should probably change but I've made it this far so eh.

  No.4870

Nowadays:
Ecig
Caffeine
Internet
Acid
Shrooms
Speed

Used to be hooked to heroine but I'm clean for a good year now. although there is always the fear of relapsing.

  No.4879

>>4854
Wait so do you just chug soda or are you actually ascended to subsist off of tonic water?

  No.4882

>>4879
why you assuming tonic water maybe hes drinking just regular ass carbonated water.

  No.4892

- 4 Black Djarum cigars a day
- Coffee x8
- Heineken, Guinness, any cheap beer
- Buying random tech online
- Crying in bed wishing I lived in a cyberpunk environment instead of some city nobody cares about.

  No.4893

>>4879
normal carbonated water, not sure why i crave it so much. it's been like 5 years