[ art / civ / cult / cyb / diy / drg / feels / layer / lit / λ / q / r / sci / sec / tech / w / zzz ] archive provided by lainchan.jp

lainchan archive - /feels/


[ Catalog ]

File: 1454358548521.png (85.06 KB, 300x169, image.jpeg)

No.1 [Reply]

welcome to /feels/, a safe place to spill whats on your mind or ask for advice. Example topics are (but not limited to) depression, sex, career advice, moving, vandwelling, just plain venting, mental states, letters to people who won't read them, positive things that happened today, addiction, relationships, narcissism, et cetera.

rules:
1. this board projects a positive attitude, it's ok to be critical but we won't tolerate attacking people, trolling, or unhelpful comments like "kill yourself". Report things, don't reply.

2.try to give as much information as you can when asking a question, something more than "how do i get a gf?". Be specific, not general.

3. CHECK THE CATALOG BEFORE CREATING A NEW THREAD.

4.posts containing retarded shit, or something that, at a Mods discretion seems illegitimate, harmful, or just plain stupid will be deleted.

5. Post OP's need to put effort into their first post. One-liners and/or just a single link are super duper forbidden.

  No.8639

File: 1482157834793.png (388.87 KB, 200x153, 77a508aacdc53d8b9e00188adc07c8f9.jpg)

Based on my analysis / review of this board to date.

It seems that the /feels/ board specific rules 2,3,5 have not been enforced. This has lead to a lot of soykaf being allowed to be posted.

2.try to give as much information as you can when asking a question, something more than "how do i get a gf?". Be specific, not general.

3. CHECK THE CATALOG BEFORE CREATING A NEW THREAD.


5. Post OP's need to put effort into their first post. One-liners and/or just a single link are super duper forbidden.

In future all new posts will have these rules enforced, offending posts will be warned for 3 days before being deleted. Deletions will be tagged.

In short,

- Check for duplicates before posting. Search functionality and Catalog make this easier.
- Write at least 3 lines for opening posts regardless of question or statement. Mention why, along with what, and your emotional motivation for the thread topic.



File: 1486554276778.png (201.42 KB, 232x300, 26125920_p0.jpg)

No.10099 [Reply]

Anybody else experience extreme levels of anhedonia?
I've been like this for the longest time and it's killing me.
No matter how many positive things happen to me (which is rarely), I can't feel any gratification.
It's like I'm in a permanent state of gloominess.
16 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10171

>>10170
People like you and I are like the starless Sneetches. We can stand on the fringes in the shadows and wish the Sneetches with stars would invite us to the campfire or we can start our own. That's the part I never understood at the beginning of the story, why didn't they do that in the first places.

You're setting yourself up for permanent loneliness in my opinion.

  No.10174

>>10171
but i guess you could say i was invited once and then was kicked out. or several times even. it was always when i lost myself in the other person because i didnt value myself enough. and the stuff they liked me for i lost.

but i dont think your wrong either. even then though you still need to love yourself enough to let it shine through so other people can follow or you can be on your own enough to make that decision to build a campfire i feel like.



File: 1486588710245.png (173.92 KB, 225x300, IMG_0063.jpg)

No.10105 [Reply]

Hey Lain friends. I really love Lain. I am obsessed with her and the anime. Do you guys have some experience you can share? I would love hearing from others what they felt, thought, and did after SEL whether in Lain's honor or not. I LOVE LAIN!

  No.10106

File: 1486588777504.png (1.26 MB, 200x150, IMG_0008.jpg)

Whoa Joe is my real name that's triply :0 th-thanks Lain...

  No.10126

>>10106
Lain loves you, friend.



File: 1486832904518.png (10.1 KB, 128x128, 2081371-charlie_brown_lucy_5356.jpg)

No.10161 [Reply]

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/personality-disorders/symptoms-causes/dxc-20247656

Are there any lainons that think that they have it or have been diagnosed with it?

>Too sensitive to criticism or rejection

I get so torn over any criticism, even if it's obviously just a joke. I even feel terrible when someone insults me over the internet. I just can't take at all.
>Feeling inadequate, inferior or unattractive
I feel horribly ugly despite getting compliments on my hair and clothing quite often. I often can't stand looking at mirrors or windows because I fear my reflection. I have no idea how to deal with compliments. I usually don't even realize that someone was trying to compliment me, and when I do I'll either deflect on instinct or just lie and say "thanks". I also feel really dumb most of the time, but that's probably true, honestly.
>Avoidance of work activities that require interpersonal contact
I'm a delivery driver, so I don't get too much serious social contact, but I still agonize over the simple "how are you today" and "have a nice day!". I have to fight tears in the car sometimes because I just know that whoever I just delivered to must be disgusted at how much of an awkward and careless human being I must seem to be. Not to mention that I try to avoid talking to my co-workers as much as possible.

I've also skipping classes lately because of this fear, especially the ones where I don't know anyone. I feel like I'm being stared at by everyone, being laughed at. I can't stand it. I can't even concentrate. I just sit in the back and try to hide my weeping until class ends and have a breakdown in my car.
>Socially inhibited, timid and isolated,
It takes me several months to a year to be comfortable enough to talk freely to a new friend. If and when I do finally reach the point, I eventually get convinced that they hate me and only interact with me out of obligation or pity. An interesting outcome to this is that all my friends are quite extroverted and caring, though, since they're the only once who can stick with me long enough.
>avoiding new activities or meeting strangers
I used to join clubs and soykaf, but I'd always deeply regret joining and ultimately leave because I never felt like I fit it. I always believed that my peers made fun of me for being inadequate behind my back. "Lainon's such a bad athlete, lainon's such a bad speaker, what a loser, he's so quite" they must've said/thought. Leadership roles also scare me greatly, even if it's something as little as giving someone advice. My parents would make fun of me for being too much of a follower during my childhood.
>Extreme shyness in social situations and personal relationships
I can't imagine being in any kind of intimate relationship. I just can't. It seems like torture to me and I can't see why anyone would want such a commitment. Even saying things like "thank you" and just being nice in general is often really scary to me.
>Fear of disapproval, embarrassment or ridicule
It's all I think of. Anxiety plagues me every day whether I'm with people or alone.

It's apparently a rare personally disorder, but I bet that's just because people with avoidant personality disorder don't seem like the kind of people to accept help, and that's kinda the struggle that I've having right now. I don't think that I deserve the "luxury" of acknowledging this disorder. There are people who are starving, who are beaten every day, who have much bigger problems than I do. I have no right to complain about "muh shyness."

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. This is probably better than talking to an imaginary friend, which is what I've been doing lately.
8 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10241

>>10230
20 is quite young. There's a significant chance that you'll change your perspective and regret your behaviour in a few years. My enjoyment of solitude has gradually decreased as I get less satisfaction from consuming media/browsing online on its own.
My own conclusions have come to that there's nothing I can forcefully do to change (or at least this causes too much stress like the "wasting my golden years" pressure, lowering my quality of life, so I try to enjoy the present without yearning for change in a buddhist way), but if some good opportunities happen to present themselves then you may as well try to take them up. Maybe i'd carefully try to talk a little with coworkers to feel out if any of them are nice people to talk more with, although don't be too friendly with any assholes as they'll then be annoying you at work forever.

  No.10450

I'd probably fall pretty perfectly on schizoid, which I'd be rather fine with, however, it's kind of annoying that no one seems to be capable of understanding the sentiments and situations that come with a disorder like that on almost any level, since there are these preconcieved expectations of sociability, belonging and kinship that are just completely foreign to a person who is close to being a schizoid, so the possibiltiy of understanding and being empathic with them is rather impossible for most people, which wouldn't be an issue if most people worked mostly on a rational level instead of emotional one, but that's not the case, so the most important aspect of understanding such a person is not possible for most of the people you'll ever see.



File: 1486882386142.png (543.02 KB, 300x169, lainsroom2.jpg)

No.10180 [Reply]

Practically my whole life I've been told I'm fairly intelligent. Parents, friends, teachers, classmates, co-workers; though the truth of it is that I don't feel the slightest bit smart. I spent my senior year of highschool in a psyche hospitals and inpatient drug and alcohol rehabs (I'm manic-depressive); without getting into details I very barely graduated.

The reason I believe people call me smart is because I have never had a problem learning things. I never got below A's on my tests in any subject, and yet I passed those classes with D's because I refuse to do homework. People told me all my life college would be different; I would get to study what I wanted and it would be less focused on homework. But now I am in my second semester with a sub 2.0 gpa and on academic watch because I continued to just attend lecture score well on tests and refuse to waste my time on homework.

It isn't as if I'm partying and fuarrrking around instead of doing homework, I read books. I read a soykaf ton of books, about a bunch of different subjects. I'm currently paying for my college courses with a part time job as a sushi chef and free lance php/c backend work for local businesses (the restaurant I part time at included). I read books because I enjoy it. I'm confident a sizable portion of this community is depressed, and feel certain you all can relate to wanting to do anything you can to escape it. Doing anything but programming / reading is unbearable, and frankly I don't feel going about things "correctly" is worth feeling suicidal.

Now I understand why people call me smart, I know things they don't know. But the only reason I know things they don't know is because I took some fuarrrking initiative to learn something. I feel if I was really smart I would use my talents to make something of myself or at the very least not constantly put myself on a path that is self destructive.

>tl;dr

Are you smart? Do people tell you you're smart? Is it advantageous to be smart?
Pic related, some OC lain wallpaper for your collections.
47 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10508

I have never been smart, nor have I ever felt smart.
I do like technical stuff though, it's like playing games. Math is beautiful, and computers can be real fun. Also knowing what's behind everyday technology. Neat.
But since I've always been dumb (and untalented, and uncreative), I lived in denial. I though technical stuff would make me appear smarter, and that with the drive I could actually get real good at technical stuff and be regarded as a really smart and skilled person.
But I am really very stupid. And I burn out quickly on technical matters, learn little, and ultimately I never make any kind of tangible progress. I would blame it on ADD (self diagnosis), but I've recently realized that I am indeed stupid and that has always been the reason I've struggled to keep up with the denser information.

  No.10523

I find that I always wonder about my level of intelligence when I am at my lowest. Especially during a long period of solitude or when I've just had to go through some failure. On the one hand, I think that these kind of thoughts are degenerate and I've found that people who delved the most vocally on them were losers. On the other hand, it can be a good base from which to get back to doing something productive from.

And then there's the whole know thyself problem. People say a lot of things about other people, but they are wrong in a lot of things also. In my opinion, if you want to know if you're smart you should compare yourself to other people and try to find argument about why you are smarter than them. If you don't, whatever conclusions you come to will be fragile and you'll be destabilized by anybody who comes up with a new definition of your person or by a new random event of life.

The whole problem is to find arguments and counter-arguments from which to judge the value of your life from. In the absolute, they are almost definitely false, but for us who are mortals, they should suffice in making you take more appropriate decisions in the future.

Most people are willing to dig into very particular and arbitrary facts of their life to find out who they are. I think this is the wrong way to work toward being more fulfilled. If you are so smart, why not use your brain to decide by yourself.



File: 1487310411734-0.png (99.65 KB, 300x115, Shelter-The-Animation.jpg)

File: 1487310411734-1.png (294.93 KB, 300x223, SC202.jpeg)

No.10333 [Reply]

How do you capture moments and feelings of happiness?

This is a major problem for me. When something good happens, it doesn't affect me at all in the there and now.
This is despite the fact I KNOW a moment is nice/happy...it already feels like its passing/out of reach

>i.e. a few days ago I beat my friend at chess (I never win and have played against him many times), yet I'm sitting there feeling...nothing, even though I know the meaning behind that win


Instead, happiness comes to me later. I look back 6 months or longer, and my mind has filtered out the bad times (not always but often), so I'm left with nostalgia and a feeling that everything has passed and my present/future is trending downhill.
>i.e. I get periods of depression every few months that, for days make me dysfunctional/super stressed, but are near-irrelevant in memory

So how am I supposed to extract good feelings when only bad feelings are blunt when they happen?
3 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11287

I don't know about you OP, but I find that I tend to enjoy things retrospectively; the best example I can think of is when you watch a film, but you only piece together little details or bits of information after you've watched it.

  No.11288

Set your expectations really low so that every small little thing that happens to go well is fuarrrking amazing.



File: 1487333724565.png (749.53 KB, 300x300, neveraskedfeels.png)

No.10339 [Reply]

Right now I'm sitting in my campus cafeteria, alone. I had dropped of and this is the first time I've been here after five years. I want to resume my studies and will fight for it. At the same time I feel so alone. Also my whole body is shivering from my need of heroin. Yes I am a junky trying to give up on heroin. So I'm shivering and feeling cold and alone and wishing someone notices me and comes and talks to me and gives me the connection to the outer world I need so much right now. So I reach out to you guys, since noone is going to talk to me right now the weird junky who sits alone over there. Thanks all for being here for me, I promise I will be there for you
12 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11143

Good that you're reaching out and good luck on getting soykaf together.

  No.11155

>>11142
Well I leave in a country where universities are free and national and you aren't "deleted" if you don't want. So I was able to continue from where I left it. That was lucky for me I guess.



File: 1487448425503.png (140.59 KB, 259x300, madonna-crystal-castles.jpg)

No.10375 [Reply]

how does someone become famous. i want to be famous.
16 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10466

Infamy is a bitch. I still have posters telling me to off myself and putting me down years later after brewing soykaf in an MMO thread on a chan. Them freaks never forget.

  No.10468

just talk about jews and how they ruin everything, etc. etc. you'll get famous pretty quickly. Especially nowadays with the burger king in power.



File: 1487713419665.png (1.9 MB, 215x300, 1826c5e532a5ca2ca660a2da7acc3658.png)

No.10449 [Reply]

last one reached bump limit

I've come to the conclusion that I've been grieving over the loss over one of the best friends I've ever made. I sometimes think that they're actually dead, but that may not be the case. But at this point, dead or alive, the result is the same. I lost a friend and I'm grieving over the fact.

I've spent the last year looking for any and everything to replace it and all along it was something that I could never replace.

I don't know what else to say except this is like kicking dead whales down the beach.
247 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11344

>>11332
>Am I a bad person if that almost makes me happy?
Not at all. Why would you be?

  No.11351

>>11317
There is an interesting difference between "Calculus" and "Analysis", both seem to study the same stuff, only Analysis seems broader in scope.
It seems like Calculus is mostly concerned with the mere computation of derivatives, integrals, and differential equations, whereas Analysis is concerned with the actual math behind this computation.
Schools since the very beginning seem to be aimed to teach the students to be human calculators, always placing all the emphasis on computation, with zero regards for understanding. Calculus may be great for Physics and Engineering students, but for a mathematician it is the lowest most boring thing on earth.
Anyway, if you want to learn analysis per se, you can read Baby Rudin or Spivak's Calculus. Analysis is concerned with the structure of Real Numbers, and there is also Complex Analysis. Building up from Analysis is Topology, I'm sure you've heard of this one before.
There are other branches, however. Again, calculus is stressed because it's the most useful for Physics and Engineering, which are probably the most glorified disciplines out there. There are branches that don't require calc as background knowledge and can be very fun as well: Number Theory, Type Theory (especially good for CS guys), Cateory Theory (this is structural mathematics); Also Linear and Abstract Algebra, which build up on , well, Algebra. Graph Theory, Games Theory. Proof Theory. Lambda calculus (very popular here in lainchan).
I think one of the best introductory books to real mathematics is Polya's How to Solve It.
There are rarely any math books that focus on the discovery part of mathematics (which it is really all about) and instead just focus on giving the facts (don't get me wrong, at some point you learn to love the old math book format with just Definitions, Propositions, Theorems, Proofs)



File: 1487982386436.png (8.13 KB, 300x187, 1486489872394.gif)

No.10543 [Reply]

On a day
Of crystalline thought, I went away
With all I'd been taught
Went away, to a land in my mind, I went away
Seeking all I could find

It sounds like a dream
But in fact it seemed
A voice in my head did sing -

It sang!
All things are universes, eternal, and
Thought never dies
But forms a vast kingdom
Of one!


File: 1488075677614.png (190.41 KB, 236x300, c50d21947e66c1c5d62c1b347c5da309.jpg)

No.10562 [Reply]

There are no more movie stores in my town besides a Wal-Mart. I loved being able to go to the video store, order something and have it in my hands. It belonged to me and I really loved that. I could take a CD or DVD home and rip it or share it with anyone.

Now, It's increasingly difficult to find media I want and still buy it anonymously. I hate Amazon and music services like Spotify who control users and don't let them own the media they paid money for.
Do any other Lains feel this way?
25 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11160

File: 1490823552958.png (206.25 KB, 200x146, Gaben.gif)

>>10562
I prefer to have a physical media too, but i'm generally ok with digital distribution, as long as it's not some subscription or streamed-model bullsoykaf, which is absolutely a no-no for me, since it's giving the control of things you've purchased and "own" to external companies that can go out of bussiness any minute, be it for financial reasons, natural disaster, and so on.

That's why i despise services like soykafify or Steam, since they make you entirely dependent on the remote service (there are ways to circumvent the latter, but it doesn't matter to me) Thus, i lean much more towards shops like GoG for games, which is free of DRMs and offers normal, completely local installers, and places like BandCamp for music (or just grabbing some neat free ones, like demoscene modules/chipmusic/anything goes)

>>10564
Cult of physical media != cult of analog for me. Analog is inferior in pretty much all aspects to digital, when it comes to quality, ease of editing and storage reliability. The only thing i can agree about it is that it has important historical value, and maybe a certain degree of charm to it

  No.11305

I only prefer books over digital because I can write in them and the screen doesnt give me a headache or have weird for atting problems sometimes. Oh and I can transfer the book easily in person.



File: 1488090026448.png (216.28 KB, 198x300, 1487461019599.gif)

No.10573 [Reply]

Anon, tell me about an important moment in your past.
36 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10815

>>10782
I don't even know if it's that big of a story. But I feel like im not even remotely capable of loving myself. I just can't handle my imperfections and that constant climate of being useless and not enough just amplified that feeling.
I can't ever get stuff right. Im always behind and not the person needed.
This friend literally played with me. Gave love, took love and repeated those steps to make me thirst for every bit of love.
This whole story with that guy is pretty complicated... I'm still in contact with him atm. It's different but still.. The chains that bind me to it still exist.

  No.10818

>>10812
we used to study late and nap together but with a few friends and seperately. We got closer and she liked to climb on top of me and stuff and wed wrestle around a lot and we ended up sharing a bed but sleeping at opposite ends. We always found an excuse to keep doing it, and eventually it did become more than just two friends napping largely on her part, we never had sex though I think she gave lots of oppurtunities to I just didnt want to ruin the friendship. Im pretty innocent and she wasnt so it might of been nothing for her to do that with a friend but it was to me, i didnt want things to be awkward.

Its the same thing with me with the not talking out of the blue. We went back to normal friends but nothing more save for a few times and seemed to be happy with eachother and were talking a lot about how we were gonna see eachother over break and we were really just relaxed. Then after and during break nothing, even though we see eachother every day. She smiled at me a few times but I just cant force out even a hello. When shes in my space for awhile I start to shake and I know it shouldnt bother me but I just get so scared for some reason.

its okay though. I learned a lot of lessons. I would have been even more dysfunctional if we stayed together. She was very much a crutch for me. Im not as happy, im not as social, but im a little more functional and driven. Emotions are very important, I would like to find love again, but you also need to control yourself. I dont really want to make friends atm. Maybe its wishful thinking but its funny cause we are doing the same thing. We both have kind of shut ourselves in our room and just work on our schoolwork. I like to pretend maybe we just thoroughly explored eachother and now we have some kind of bond of respect where we dont talk but are happy for eachother. I dont think thats the case though. Again I dont think she thinks of me if she isnt forced to.



File: 1488118783294.png (52.2 KB, 300x169, maxresdefault.jpg)

No.10581 [Reply]

Here's the gist of my past year, in greentext to expedite reading.

>have a decent job that I suck at

>have about 3 "friends" that I talk to fairly regularly
>we don't physically meet up but play video games often
>when occasional meet ups do happen I don't go because I don't enjoy being outside
>we plan one meet up where we're all going to see a live event, myself included
>one of us bails to see the event on another day with his new gf
>I bail after realizing the event will take place in the evening and I don't want to be in the city at night
>one "friend" just blanks me completely after this and doesn't return messages at all
>the other two stay in touch but it's few and far between (I'm talking weeks between messages)
>quit my job because I'll get fired eventually for sucking at aforementioned job and want to leave on better terms
>also because I'm depressed as soykaf
>for the next 8 or 9 months I'm basically left to rot
>can't find a job at all
>worst year I've had in a long while
>recently the guy who blanked me starts a new group chat with everyone in it
>everyone starts talking and plays games as though the massive gap never happened

I haven't said anything yet and no-one has specifically mentioned me yet.
I'm not sure if I should even say anything.
I figured they had cut me out of the social circle or something but if that was the case why add me to the group chat in the first place?

I don't want to talk to these people or play games with them seeing as how I'm basically an afterthought.
I've got nothing else going on in my life though.

My choices are:
Ignore them and just tough it out till I find a job and become friends with my new coworkers?
Talk with them again as though everything is fine?
Talk with them again but only till I get in a better place myself then drop them?
10 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10823

Through weird coincidence met a guy who seems to be cool, i try to be friends with him but all the contact i have is trough (shrugs) whatsapp, yet im confused on how to do it from a social point.
I havent had friends in 10 years, forget about anything even close to a real social life before that.
I dont know what to say, what to talk about, if im too clingy or too distant.
He seems to be not much set on internet chat and im not sure how to casually chat from person to person without seeming desperate or shallow or annoying.
Yet this is my one big chance of making a worthwhile friend and i dont want to fuarrrk it up.
I have no idea how to function in the real world beyond some abstract mental models.
This is scaring the soykaf out of me, i know already hes a nice person who could understand im fuarrrked up, yet my anxeity wont go away and i feel like i am too challenged to function in reality.

  No.10824

>>10823
fear is the mind killer



File: 1488254602577.png (62.74 KB, 300x225, img_0.jpg)

No.10617 [Reply]

I am fuarrrking sick of my life. I've been chained to some inane bullsoykaf for my entire life.

School, family, religion, politics, at least three of these at a time. Finishing school I realized it was all inane vague bullsoykaf except for the sciences, even history was contextual. I left school not being much smarter than I came in, which should surprise no one here.

Family, I always had to be respectable and polite and courteous and keep up the good name and whatnot. My parents are the best parents anyone could ask for but it's all a fuarrrking charade for me because I am so unlike them in behavior and personality, taste, everything. I can't be who I really am because that would make my family (read: other people) look bad.

Religion, oh boy, how I LARP in this respect. Despite the moralistic values I spout I am a chronic cynic and prayer (when I do get down to prayer, which is extremely rare) I am a chronic cynic, and probably the only reason I'm not a full-blown atheist is that I want insurance or plausible deniability from hellfire and social ostracism. Being raised in a very religious family didn't help me much, I was religiously truant since a kid and as I grew up I became outright cynical about things, every day a clergyman and devil battle in my mind and I never know who will win in the end.

Politics, the least of my problems and the one that I discarded the earliest, and I'm glad for that. Not much to say since this problem no longer exists.

You can't be this you can't do that not this not that I can do fuarrrking nothing. The thing is I don't even know what I want to be. The only thing I definitely want is money since that will at least give me a tangible ''freedom'' not concerning any of the other things I mention.

  No.10618

File: 1488255309725.png (132.16 KB, 200x125, 125199178172516206342_1687.jpg)

>>10617

The fighting in my head, the constant me vs myself is wearing me out faster than any conceivable enemy could.

A part of me says that the 3 things (School, family, religion) are what keep me respectable,safe and virtuous. That without these three things I would be unemployed if I were to discontinue my education, that without family I am rootless and belong nowhere and belong to no one, and that without religion I will plunge deeper into the abyss which I am staring at, and that I will lose control of myself.

Another part of me says that I am my own person, that I should not be bound permanently to anything whatsoever in my life, that my suffering and mental anguish results in being bound in the ways which those three things bind me. Do these chains prevent me from falling off a cliff? Or are they simply shackling me to the hard rockface?

The part of me that I am sure about though is Fear. Fear that if I choose one or the other I'd lose. That I would shatter, that I wouldn't be stong enough or righteous enough or brave enough or whatever. I'd either break from brittleness or rust from decadence. So I don't choose, so I keep the questions away. so I let the clergyman and the demon battle every day in my head. I make sure they will always end with a stalemate. So I lie to myself and to others, and live in uncertainty of what I want or what I need. One day I will break and it will not be pleasant, but I know I will break one day and one side will prevail.

Until then, I wait and dream and take comfort in the lonely nights.

  No.10620

You've got to stop focusing so much on internal conflict and look outward at your life a bit more. And yes, that's simplification. But it sounds like you have things to live for. You have things to care about.

So instead of weighing the existential horrors of everything, why not just focus on living it? Joy is a more simple thing than guilt and pain. Things you seem to have a bit of. Look out more, and appreciate your life a bit. Its not easy but you can start practicing at least tomorrow.



File: 1488408817907.png (53.43 KB, 300x195, lain_smiling_by_ragdoll_jester.jpg)

No.10668 [Reply]

I finally decided to close my Facebook account and I'm pretty happy because I won't be coming back to it any time from now!
I only wish that I could get all the time I wasted on it when I was depressed and kept deluding myself about friendships and stuff.
My situation as of now isn't any better, but I believe that this was a good decision to make.
34 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11025

>>11023
I didn't convert for rational reasons that is true. Faith is most definitely the most powerful tool of christianity. I also didn't mean to say Christianity is logically provable sorry I just meant if you don't take everything literally it can be passed off as rational or logical. At the very least not in contradiction with current scientific knowledge. If you think that entails a lot of grasping at straws, reaching, and twisting the bible I wouldn't disagree with you.

  No.11045

File: 1490080810021.png (216.13 KB, 200x160, lain-loves-you.jpg)

>>10668
I just left Facebook circa two minutes ago. Time to love lain more fully.



File: 1488425027333.png (494.5 KB, 300x200, bunker.jpg)

No.10679 [Reply]

At every moment of the day, it feels like I view life through a screen, or some kind of barrier, which dulls all emotions positive or negative. It's such a strong sensation in my head that it has a physical presence, right behind my temple. Because of it, I can make a group of acquaintances laugh and laugh with them, but feel almost no pleasure from it. If I fail an exam, I'm slightly upset, but go back to normal a few minutes later. A few months ago, I still had periods of sadness that were kind of comfortable, but now I'm a zombie. Lately, it's like I haven't even been alive. I'm only 18, and if this continues my entire adolescence will certainly be wasted.

Do any of you know what I mean? Have you improved your situation at all? Is it even possible?
16 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10859

>>10845
Please don't, to hell with meds. Find a diferent therapist or dump your problems here to get advice, the reasons for your state will still be there even if you're pilled up. You gotta understand your state of mind and act accordingly, throwing drugs at your brain is no real solution.

  No.10883

>>10859
I can't see a reason for my state. My interests, pleasures, and thoughts all change rapidly from week to week, and the end result is that I'm less happy as a whole. I've done lots of productive things like finish several novels and spend more time outside, but I don't feel I'm growing. The root of my problem seems to lie in brain chemistry. How could I fix that without pills? What would a therapist do?



File: 1488500871900.png (72.07 KB, 300x225, giphy.gif)

No.10702 [Reply]

Help yourself feel better by letting everyone know about the stuff that royally fuarrrked up your day.

I'll start:

Today, I was supporting a customer through a procedure to make a change to their account. ou have to sign out of the account everywhere initially, then once the change is made you sign back in. So I've got the documentation up explaining exactly how to go through the process, and everything seems to be going fine. Customer is taking direction well, everything is working fine. Then we get to the part where we need to sign back into everything. At this point, everything goes sideways because there are extra steps required if the user has certain security settings enabled (specifically, that you need to switch the security settings on the account before beginning the process) that aren't listed in the documentation. So I get to explain to the user that
soykaf is fuarrrked until the automated system can give them back access to their account because there was something that should have been in the documentation that wasn't.

Joy.
1 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10705

Not today, but I learned the hard way that the a and q keys in some European countries are switched. We had a good laugh after a couple of hours trying to log into the system. Then we almost lynched our resident French guy.

  No.10706

My sort of frenemy who I dont talk to much these days started contacting me asking for help again today, just small favors. Shes not the type to ever ask for emotional support especially not from me so she usually just asks for help with errands etc to ease her load. I think shes losing one of her only good role models in her family, to something really terrible too. If not that shes going through some real rough times regardless.

She kind of screwed me over but I still love her and look up to her. I hope she fights through, cause while shes losing her idol I dont want to lose mine.



File: 1488762083761.png (27.26 KB, 300x191, 8E0P1LRMN7JDAA35RUMP12LQ3-m26_C152_comp_mid.jpg)

No.10737 [Reply]

Well, I don't know what to do with my life anymore. This isn't where I want to be. I've come to the clean conclusion that I'll never be able to accomplish my dreams. I gave up a long time ago because someone like me is incapable of holding potential. Even everyone around me has lost faith in my path towards success. I don't have friends, those who you're supposed to rely on when times turn dire. To make matters worse, it's all my fault because I thought I could live without relying on others. That I could live by myself without trouble. But this made me realize what a foul person I am on the inside and outside. There have been endless trials of attempts to improve myself but it's gotten nowhere. Made me want to call it quits even more. There's nothing I can do anymore to better the situation. I dislike myself and I resent those who have mistreated me endlessly. There's nobody I can trust. I'm so pathetic, today I had a mini hissy fit in the restroom. I lunged everything towards the wall. My parents came running towards the door to make certain I was fine which made me feel like a burden to everyone I have left who cares about me just a little. I am done existing. I'll never be of use to anyone or this world. Don't understand why I was born in the first place to end up consuming oxygen for those who are far more productive/valuable. You all probably read similar summaries like this before, and I'll just end up being forgotten.
13 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10756

>>10755
Thanks for your in-depth reply, I appreciate it.
I have a hard time finding people I trust, or getting out of my comfort zone where it has a positive end goal - instead of it being useless.
For example, I've little experience with relationships. To go out to a bar would be a way to fix that, but the women there aren't looking for that.
Another example, I want to work together with people, but all of the clubs I've tried get wrapped into bureaucracy. It's frustrating not having a community to contribute to.

  No.10893

>>10756
I can't help you with all of this but there's some fresh advice in my mind from my dad on relationships. The way he got dates before the wired was around to use as a social crutch wasn't usually to just approach a girl outright, but to go to a social event with guy friends who happened to bring girl friends. Even if none of the girls you meet at the first few events are single, they know girls who are. If you come across as likeable or at least harmless, they'll handle the networking for you because *they* know single girls. After a while somebody in the group might mention to their single friend that they know this cool guy Anon and she should come out tonight and meet him ;)



File: 1488851486599.png (2.11 MB, 300x200, Copy (5) of 1443593224372.jpg)

No.10759 [Reply]

Since the topic of a hermit i becoming common here I would like to tell you my situation right now for someone who would like to read it

I feel like I can make any new friends anymore. After some unfortunate events I enter to college for the second time.

I feel extremely lonely while I am at school. when I try to talk to other people I don't know why I feel like we do not connect at all there's the awkward silence and then people start to leave my side, so by the second semester I became like the trustful lonely dude who you can ask about programming if you didn't understand, but nothing else he is a guy with few friends.

While I am with friends who I know since a long time I feel so much better and comfortable. but as the time goes on I feel more distant with them after I move out far from where I previous lived, but I feel this is not me I used to be quite more social than before but after my father died I feel like i'll eventually end like a Hermit and that is something I don't want maybe I'm getting the wrong picture of a hermit but I still have that common thought from society that ending alone is the worst it can happen to you.

Should I get more close at least to my friends again or simply let life take me without struggling and focus in finishing college and getting a good job.

Thank you.

sorry for any bad English I am mexican.

  No.10771

Try to reach out to the friends you've known for a long time. People like that are sometimes very valuable and irreplaceable. It might not work, in that case I think you have to give up and accept the meaninglessness and futility of life. You're a lot more sociable than me, but I "maintain" (using the word loosely) 1-2 very distant long term friendships because it is better than nothing, although they probably barely even consider me a friend. I haven't made a friend since high school ~8 years ago so I don't know about that.

Since you say it's unlike you, you used to be social, perhaps you should just keep trying to break through with people, and not give up and become a hermit... I think that's usually for people who always had social problems

  No.10778

Where do you live? We can be friends?
If it's in La Sedemecs, we can be friends.



File: 1488949331343.png (37.05 KB, 198x300, 1488090026448.png)

No.10786 [Reply]

Sometimes I have insomnia, and I think about all the things I've done wrong in my life
1 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10790

Didnt sleep well either last few days either.
The worst part is between being awake and asleep, the bad toughts keep popping up then.

  No.10797

>>10789
thats all the soykaf id do to get ready to reflect on my bad decisions in life to be honest.



File: 1489052246457.png (275.19 KB, 197x300, 1486520263134.jpg)

No.10804 [Reply]

I don't know what to do anymore lain. I feel like despite all the opportunites in my life right now, all of them still feel static and empty, like I can't handle living in a society and constantly conforming to rules I never agreed to. I feel like I will never amount to anything anymore and I just need to burn harder and brighter than anybody else even for an instant before I go out. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I need something that will remind me I'm still alive somewhere in here.
2 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10809

Then burn brighter and harder than anyone else. Destroy the distractions and leeches and restraints sapping your talent and holding you back. Sometimes these things are innocent even beneficial sometimes they are obviously bad. A nature walk can be a sap on your talent even, feelings of intensity not channeled into meaningful expression are ultimately wasted if your goal is to burn bright. If every time you feel that burning from within you scream or run or dance alone you wasted it.

But also be patient and kind and humble. No one ever has to be cruel even when they are self serving and letting no one get in their way. If to take action is to yell and to speak is to talk, then to think is to be silent.

thats my take on it at least.

  No.10811

>>10808
What this anon said but don't just sit there waiting for it to come because it never will. Go and find it, try stuff.
Try things, find stuff you like, develop yourself in those things that you like (only through hard work do we end up with something worth keeping, and we learn to find the joy in that which we do), and let them grow on you as you do them, until one of them becomes your "purpose". You have to decide what's purpose for you, nurture that light and let it become bright enough that it'll guide you through the darkness.

I know exactly how you feel, I feel just like that, right now, these days. But I cope with a goal I set to myself. Even though I'm working reallllly slowly towards it, I'm working, and I keep that goal in sight. Of all the different things I've tried, this one seems worthwhile.
It is also something that, I realized, I can work towards wherever I am: here with my parents, in the city, or in nature travelling. The point here is that I can keep the flame alive despite of external circumstances. It seems like I'm likely to be trapped in a soykafty environment for the foreseeable future, and this one thing is the only invariant that can make my life worth the struggle.

Best of luck OP, don't forget to try, and do your share of effort, nothing comes without effort!



File: 1489124399294.png (92.87 KB, 198x300, 5228a40798b968b62de85f8f00c2f8d8.jpg)

No.10817 [Reply]

I have a dream. But it is an unreachable. It is in a competitive environment, where many factors provoke that I can only practice 4 hours a day, competing against the 12 hours practiced by a real fan. Sometimes I think about giving up and that everything I've tried is a failure.
3 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10829

File: 1489218001419.png (9.82 KB, 200x150, download.jpg)

>>10817
The struggle itself is enough. All you must do is continue and you shall grow strong. Patience and perseverance will pay greater dividends the longer you use them.

  No.10830

Are you the life and struggle in the human, or are you the human that has life and struggle in it? Identifying with one or the other might have some radical implications.
I might just be reinventing the idea of soul or spirit here, but when you're inventing it, it's a damn good one!



File: 1489198868408.png (1.67 MB, 300x300, 1464829716293.gif)

No.10827 [Reply]

I've been having an incredibly difficult time finding friends in the past year. Outside of my relationship and my roommates, I don't really communicate too often with people because I have a hard time finding people I have things in common with or can learn from, share information, etc.

I'm always wanting to find a friendship that can be beneficial mutually, even if it's just making one another happier or providing a conversation, or exchanging information and knowledge, etc.

My issue is that since I don't drink or smoke (social suicide, it seems), and most of my interests revolve around technology and introvert stuff... I am having an incredibly hard time finding people to talk to.

Long long ago I used to go on /soc/ and find people to talk to on Skype, but since I've stopped using Skype and other programs, it's also limited my ability to communicate with people.

H-how do people do it?
18 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11124

I might just have been lucky but I made friends not really trying and doing whatever I wanted to do.

For instance, two of my friends I made by brewing soykaf often on 4chan and making these meme threads that had a story and these two guys got into contact with me in order to do stuff like that together. It was pretty weird.

Two other friends I've just made by playing online games that I liked.

  No.11125

>>11121
>>11123
We have https://lainchan.org/feels/res/8487.html for these kinds of things.

Good luck



File: 1489298046447.png (45.32 KB, 300x225, nothing really matress.jpg)

No.10852 [Reply]

Tell me about a time you made a big change in your life. Did you drop out of college, or go back after many years, move to a different city or country? Why did you do it? What did you expect to happen? What actually happened?

I have many years of youth ahead of me, I'm graduating from college very soon, and I still don't know what to do with the rest of my life. I wonder if I just need something to kick my ass and make my life more interesting. But I can't tell to what extent this is just "the grass is always greener".
13 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10987

After graduating college and working a soykaf job (aka- more or less my dream job) for a couple years, I quit, started my own business, and married my girlfriend.

M business failed utterly financially, but ultimately it was the only way I found to sanity. I drank a lot less, smiled a lot more, and got along ok so far. Now I have a different job, where I make less money and go outside a little more. I'm no longer depressed, though maybe not all the way ok yet.

  No.11030

>>10987
What kind of business was it?

Any suggestions and hints?



File: 1489371310326.png (96.16 KB, 128x128, LowImpactJournal.jpg)

No.10869 [Reply]

Do anyone here keep a diary? If so, how far back does it go? Is it digital or physical? Do you have any interesting entries you'd be comfortable with sharing? (I personally don't...)

I've been journaling consistently for the last six months or so. It's not long enough to see any considerable change (which is actually kinda sad), but hopefully one day I can look at what I was thinking years ago and laugh a bit.

I use an app on my phone. I think I might switch to a physical diary because I think I'd enjoy looking at how my handwriting changes, but it's also quite convenient to have a diary everywhere I go.
20 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11035

File: 1489982457227-0.png (252.73 KB, 200x144, 6172565254_b356cd2eb4_b.jpg)

File: 1489982457227-1.png (36.95 KB, 150x200, kEUU5.jpg)

>>11027
>am now looking for a better way to open it at the right page every time I have something to write or read.
you could try a thumb index, like in my first pic. you could also make an edge index with a marker or pen, like my second pic. an edge index is probably easier, but it really only works well for thicker books with big sections.

  No.11041

I didn't answer OP's questions, I'm >>11027 and I've kept that physical book for one or two months. I don't think sharing an entry would be useful, but I can recommend some things to write. One's dreams, a dream journal will help you or make you have lucid dreams. Another idea is writing a small dictionary of words you like. Note down your ideas about things that'd be nice to write, draw, think about, etc., don't let them go. It's also useful to learn how to draw, might be a better way to convey some ideas or pictures from your dreams. Actually I could use a recommendation for a light drawing lesson.

>>11035
Thank you for the ideas, colored cardboard separators with thumb indices sound quite good.



File: 1489432177710.png (369.57 KB, 201x300, 1475608973441.jpg)

No.10906 [Reply]

Little bit concerned i molested a guy on saturday night.

I approached him initially because he seemed shy, and I think he liked me at least at first because we talked for a while and he bought me a drink.

He asked if I wanted to dance at this club, and I was wayy drunker than I usually like to be. While we danced I pulled him close and kissed him a few times, but he didnt reciprocate and he never explicitly consented to me kissing him either.

While I was wasted I felt pretty good about it all, but now I'm sober I feel guilty and a little bit ashamed. It was just so loud and i felt so bulletproof.

And now he isnt returning my texts, which I guess makes sense.

Was I in the wrong + what should I do differently next time?
8 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10917

>>10906
While situations like this can definitely lead into significantly worse areas, be lucky that yours didn't. Just know next time, get consent, and don't be too pushy. Enjoy the vibe, play off of what they are signaling, and always ask if you don't know.

  No.10923

>>10915
Sorry still going with the second one. The circumstances for number one to be true would already involve crimes worse for the man then rape.

You are used for sex but that shouldn't be the traumatic part for a guy. Its being chained up, threatened, and kept chemically erect. Ignoring the ridiculous situation in the first place. Also ignoring the legal definition of rape, because using a legal definition men have already been raped by women im pretty sure. It isn't or shouldn't be traumatic for a man, unless as you state there is other things mixed in which its those other things that are causing the trauma at that point.



File: 1489727320148.png (182.27 KB, 300x169, cave.jpg)

No.10989 [Reply]

How do you keep your cool through daily life?
I often let stress and worry control my life and it's not very enjoyable.
When that happens I try to meditate more.

What works for you when your mind starts getting out of control?
8 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11083

File: 1490271396862.png (210.79 KB, 200x149, xanax.jpg)


  No.11086

File: 1490295876755.png (181.64 KB, 136x200, Time_Masters_1982 Laloux.jpg)

>>11083
drugs are for fun
they shouldn't be a crutch



File: 1489770524070.png (39.99 KB, 300x225, anime_fails_15.jpg)

No.10995 [Reply]

I often have good thread ideas, however, I don't write them down and I forget them. Like 20 minutes ago or so I had an idea and I forgot it.

How often does that happen to you guys?
7 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11024

>>11003
I will always deeply respect musicians. I can't even begin to imagine how someone can make an enjoyable 3-10 minute long song. it's like black magic to me.

  No.11137

>>11024
There is literally no greater joy in life than making music. I'm a student now, and currently more a performer than a composer, but the composition process is a mix of understanding what rules to follow to make something enjoyable or catchy or inspire a certain feeling, and knowing how to work in and around the rules—breaking them whenever it suits the piece—to get something across. There's a mix of analytical and emotional thought that goes into writing, and you see this kind of overlap through most of music. When you play or sing, you're managing several factors at once, and you can't let any of them slip.

No one thing makes music enjoyable, but the main things are knowing what you're doing and having something to say with it.

Anyway yeah I have the same problem as OP from time to time, I can only keep something in my head after I've audiated it for very long if I can focus on keeping the line in my head. I have to write it down or record the intervals or something before it slips away.



File: 1490148306602.png (21.72 KB, 285x300, screenshot.png)

No.11058 [Reply]

Hello lains!

For most of my life I've struggled going out and getting stuff done. On the rare occasions that I do, I find it hard to concentrate on continuing to do the task at hand. I could never get decent grades at school because of this, and with my first year of uni approaching I want to change my habits.

How do fellow lainons get soykaf done? + general concentration advice thread.
This is my first post here, go easy on me...
6 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11126

>>11058
I've been in the same place you are right now sort of. I've personally had success using the book posted here: >>9947

I try to do it every day but if that ends up not happening I don't beat myself up about it too much, so far I think that it's helped me a great deal. It counters the common cynical self talk that one might think of when they're trying to improve their self discipline. I hope it helps you as well!

welcome to lainchan friend!


A small question I have that's related to this thread: I've found that I've improved my ability to get uni stuff done but when it comes to personal projects/research I want to do, I find myself so exhausted at the end of the day I don't feel like doing it. Even on weekends where I have free time I can't motivate myself to do it because I feel too drained to read. Maybe I need to just approach it with the same mindset as I do with my schoolwork but on the other hand I don't want to see it as work (maybe I just need to get over my silly thinking here). Anyone have any tips for finding motivation to do personal projects in your spare time?

  No.11153

This is a problem for me as well. Some days are better than others. I make realistic tiny goals and once I get going, it becomes easier.

...
There are some weeks I go to work, come home, wrap myself in blankets and watch romantic anime for 5 hours...........



File: 1490244148348.png (45.44 KB, 300x300, 1490085404904.jpeg)

No.11072 [Reply]

anyone else get intense emotional pain when looking in the mirror?

i understand that becoming comfortable with your body is essential for a healthy mind state but i just can't get over the feelings of physical inadequacy.

tips for overcoming this?
3 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11089

I look pretty average, and i grown to accept this. And at least i'm not a fatass

  No.11090

File: 1490299497440.png (422.32 KB, 200x147, ClipboardImage.png)

sometimes I look normal and vaguely attractive and other times I look like a hunchback scarecrow. I generally just try not to think about it or look at my reflection.



File: 1490454253338.png (47.62 KB, 240x300, phant.jpg)

No.11111 [Reply]

>that feeling when you steal a get
You will never know it lol

  No.11113

The absolute madman.
You've wrecked the delicate balance of lainchan
Now we are al doomed



File: 1490565514129.png (71.77 KB, 298x300, wtm.jpg)

No.11130 [Reply]

Hello we're looking for people to talk to on Skype!

Come join us - join.skype.com/ohHoKOl77T2a

  No.11131

>>11130
Skype: No way! That's nonfree (freedom-denying) software.
Use Ekiga or an ordinary phone call.

  No.11132

>>11131
http://tox.chat and http://riot.im are decent FOSS group chat alternatives.
Tox is better suited for 1 on 1 chats, while riot is great for group chats.



File: 1490720381411.png (193.88 KB, 286x300, photo_2017-03-28_22-27-36.jpg)

No.11144 [Reply]

Hello, /int/eresting people! You dont know me, but i need help. The fact is that I created my Anonym's imageboard. I need friends. Forgive me for the unexpected invasion. Now my board very small. The Internet is the only thing that makes me happy in this life. Life in my country is sad. Very sad. Angry people, dirty streets, high price and taxes - it's in the nature of things
. I just need friendship to make life better. I ask the admin not to delete it. If you agree to friendship, we can get links our sites in header/frameset/banners. I'll put the name under the spoiler so as not to disturb others. Sorry for my anglish. Maybe f-friends?
https://depreschan.ovh
3 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11148

>>11144
Most retarded normal person soykaf I've ever seen on a chan site.

  No.11152

Apparently, this is being spammed across many imageboards.

It will be deleted soon, but is only locked for now.



File: 1490979277130.png (48.71 KB, 300x224, self.jpg)

No.11197 [Reply]

Can we have a self improvement thread? Post things you aren't currently doing to better yourself.
I'll start:

>drink more water

>don't masturbate
>don't watch porn
>don't do drugs, drink or smoke
>eat healthier
>get up and go to bed early
>sit and stand up straight
>don't use social media
>read books
>don't play video games
>don't watch hollywood
>don't hit the snooze button and don't procrastinate
>think before talking
>be grateful
>accept when you are wrong and learn with different people
>avoid fiction books
>don't listen to mainstream music
>meditate
>avoid nightclubs
>don't do mindless consumerism and think before buying
46 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11352

>>11350
No one gave you any attention because you posted nothing of note. No one wants to talk about obscure nootropics and armchair cogsci. Find common ground instead of expecting people to conform to your high-horse standards.

  No.11353

>>11350
Don't be sad

There are long replies, and there are short replies



File: 1490998661845.png (23.62 KB, 250x288, 250px-Yomoda_Chisa.jpg)

No.11203 [Reply]

Hey lains. I recently read a book centring on the dialogue of oxford fellows which made me realise something - my conversations (if you can even call them that) are worthless. At the risk of sounding like a bigot, no one I ever get to talk to irl seems capable of saying anything remotely enlightening. I have one moderately intelligent friend, but I still get nothing of substance from talking to them. I want to surround myself with people who can engage in discourse and learn from it. I can't afford university so I don't have any way of meeting groups of intellectuals. Despite hating mainstream education, I used to fantasise about being transferred to a school for the profoundly gifted (both for intellectual and superiority reasons) but obviously that didn't happen.

Also, I think my years of communicating in empty drivel has taken a toll on my conversational ability. I often get called rude for unwittingly neglecting social courtesies such as not saying 'how are you' after they said it, or not looking at / backing away from them as they are talking. If people ask me something like 'you alright?' or 'how was your day?' I can rarely even conjure up an answer, leading to them to, understandably, get offended and murmur under their breath or to their friend. I fear that if I was to meet someone interesting I wouldn't be able to talk to them and id seem to them like everyone I know seems to me.

TL;DR I'm smarter than everyone and I'm very bitter about it.
16 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11255

Eh, you'll never find interesting conversation from normal people, even super rich people are just stupid normal person scum that talk about a slightly different variation of the work, money, hobby, play bullsoykaf. Honestly, isn't the lack of good conversation in meatspace why your here?

  No.11257

File: 1491183743246.png (42.59 KB, 160x200, Cr7Sl-aWYAA3QHa.jpg)

>>11203
I recommend getting into philosophy (Aristotle, nietzsche, Marx, Stirner, or any notable muckrackers/academic socialists, etc), or at least listening to Christopher Hitchens rant on youtube. It's therapy for the thinking mind. You'll never meet geniuses, and with your inferior IQ you are unlikely to befriend them, but you can read.their books and feel connected to them. Separated by time philosophers have had a great chain of conversation that has never ended, as each has replied to one another for over 2000 years, and you are free to listen in at any time you like to their great conversations. Philosophy is deeper than politics and more honest, for real.



File: 1491096108692.png (260.18 KB, 198x300, 1462497108941.png)

No.11229 [Reply]

1 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11240

>>11239
Thanks. Nobody ended up responding, so I just smoked some keef with a few close friends.

I'd like this thread to stay up for a good while cause I'm hoping maybe next weekend somebody might be down.

  No.11304

I cant crossdress and pass, too mmasculine. Sorry.



File: 1491176350714.png (1.52 MB, 141x141, [OST] Darker Than Black 2 (18. Serenade of Nirvana)-g_KaxGVwWxE.webm)

No.11252 [Reply]

fuarrrking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hell


File: 1491229550448.png (131.09 KB, 300x169, renge.jpg)

No.11268 [Reply]

Hi, I've been having this idea for a while. I wanted to collect stories of people who were raised by single parents, be it by choice of the mother or the father ducking out, hell, even those were loving parents were killed leaving the kid with just the mom or the dad.

I want to use these stories and through social media make people aware of the issues of single motherhood, especially when it's by choice. I was considering asking people to record themselves talking about their experiences so people can hear the hurt and anger that comes from knowing your mother kept your father away from you or just doesn't know who your father is or that your dad just walked out and make a youtube channel.

I know if I can help even one child not suffer from what I went through, then I think this project would be worth it.

Anyone interested in my project? Anyone here raised by a single mother and want to share or vent? I'm starting with a few chan sites to see if people are up for it.
1 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11270

Dad was never really in the picture in my life but we've met a few times. He was a gambler and generally didn't have anything good going for him. I look like him so I was always a sort of black sheep in the family. Have an older brother. He dropped out of school and did a bunch of things. Generally wasn't really liked by most in the family. Shift of responsibility. My reason to do well in school was to be loved and I didn't mind living for that. Not particularly smart or hardworking though but I tried my best and did decently in school. No matter how much I do though, my mom always liked my older brother more who looked like her(where as I looked like my dad) and was generally better looking than me. I lost the reason to do well in school and eventually quit going to school as well in my junior year of high school. Now a garbage NEET who is mostly dead inside. I only haven't killed myself because I find it to be a waste to die this early when I'm not suffering from extreme physical sickness or something that makes it hard to do normal things. Also because death is scary. I have few interests but I can't find it in me to do anything since there's no long term benefit from investing time into anything if there's no long term to be had.

  No.11273

Both of my parents were cheating, and they were never really serious about getting in a relationship, at least from what my mother has told me, which isn't something I'd delve into since it's a touchy topic.

So I was raised by my mother, but my infancy was also spent most of the time with my grandparents. Not the best people, my grandmother is very fanatical about her religion, and my grandfather both forgetful and overall bad at educating and raising, but my grandmother was really caring.

My upbringing definitely shaped me in ways that are hard to describe. I truly enjoy cheating and getting away with petty stuff unnoticed, though it's something I don't do often, mostly in college. I have a hard time getting the willpower, to get things done, mostly doing things until I get really bored. Regardless, getting into the specifics and their cause is best left for another day.

I sometimes feel like the lack of a real father in my life when his presence is most important has shaped my lack. I feel unable to stand for myself in situations where I have to face others. No guidance when it comes to the opposite sex, I am very shy when it comes to making friends with women, but not completely unable to.

My father didn't form much part in my life until recently, since he now wants me to lead his business when he retires, something I am not interested in, much in part because it will undoubtedly lead me to have a similar lifestyle to his. I despise him, only cares about money and he doesn't give much of a soykaf about the several children he has left from cheating on his wife so many times. Complete hypocrite, just a businessman to me.

Use a fuarrrking condom. If you can't raise a child with both parents and are still in time to abort, do it. It is preferable to being unable to give your child a proper upbringing.



File: 1491342129987.png (135.1 KB, 215x300, 1478337780222-feels.jpg)

No.11289 [Reply]

I came to make a thread dedicated to the following simple though: if we live with no purpose then let's rock til the very end right ? Because of that I just ended "rocky" from "empty".

By your best shot I mean make your life (or at least the rest of it) brighter than a thousand suns.
2 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11316

>>11291
I've always wondered about this as well, and happiness seems like too simple an answer, but occam's razor would suggest it is the right one.

That said, a life's short insignificance is also what makes your life so significant - you only have a short time here. You have the opportunity to make a measurable difference in the lives of other humans, whether you like it or not, like so many humans have before you (Hitler, Mother Teresa, Jobs, Napoleon, Genghis Khan or Socrates). No matter how trivial you might consider the achievements of the people who's names we all know, they affected the lives of countless people. Some for the better, some for the worse.

humanity will continue without you, as will the universe, but a human's power amongst other humans is so great, it should be ones goal to make the lives of humans better, enriched, directly or indirectly, through your actions. To improve the lives of others through your actions - whatever that manifests as, is I think a good goal.

It drives me to do what I love, for the people I love, to manifest a world that I can love. There's too much wrong today, and I may be a straw in a straw pile, but eventually that camel's back did break! Or so the story goes.

  No.11319

>>11316
never seen anyone bring occams razor into this. thats pretty interesting but im not sure i would base my entire life philosophy and my morals on a tool made for rule of thumb decision making. that said of course connecting to others is a beautiful thing and i do want to make everyones lives better but here the problems only begin.

what is a good life? what if others disagree with my views and im actually harming them thinking im helping?

>theres so much wrong today

how can you tell? i honestly have no clue whether the way we live our lives right now is good or bad. i can tell weather it *feels* good or bad but that doesnt mean its true and least of all for everyone.

just stumbling through life based on gut feeling hoping you arent wasting everyones time, to be honest im not the biggest fan of it. i mean yeah, its fun but is it "good"? who knows.



File: 1491426872978-0.png (62.55 KB, 207x300, 1476941212001.jpg)

File: 1491426872978-1.png (244.57 KB, 300x252, 1468910670452.jpg)

No.11313 [Reply]

I'm pretty sure the majority of people here follow their interest to at least some extent, similar to what I've done over the past few years, so I feel that this board is at least somewhat appropriate.

It has always been terribly hard to get really close friends; not because I'm asocial, but because I can’t develop any deep “connection” with them due to the sheer simplicity of the topics being discussed or the lack of unifying interests. It never really bothered me since I have always had a few “friends” (i.e. the kind you talk a lot with casually, but don’t share a lot in common). This way-of-being has worked pretty fine for as long as I can remember, since it doesn’t rely on social pressure through self-forced integration and gives one more time to focus on own interests.

This outlook changes greatly when considering relationships though. When I was 14 I told myself that it didn’t matter yet, with 16 I started programming and kind of lost the perspective, and with 18 it took hold of me again, sometimes going as far as to cry myself to sleep. I’m 24 now, and its bugging me nearly daily. It’s probably important to mention that I have aspergers; i.e. socializing takes longer and far less personal.

So now to the actual question; is it viable to keep on going, hoping that some sort of change will occur, or should one change their perspective on life, with a sharp focus on social needs, possible abandoning a highly specific hobby as a natural consequence?

  No.11320

Fellow Aspergian here.

Speaking from experience, you should try and find a middle ground, balancing both your hobbies and social endevors. If possible try to find IRL groups related to your interests, as you will most likely find that the people there will be able to relate to you better than most, and there will be more interesting topics to socialise about.

In short; don't abandon your hobbies or your social needs, just find a balance that works.



File: 1491484126376.png (25.15 KB, 300x108, 1200px-Ikea_logo.png)

No.11324 [Reply]

Can we have a self masturbation thread? Post things you aren't currently doing to worsen yourself.
I'll start:

>don't drink water

>masturbate
>watch porn
>do drugs, drink or smoke
>eat junk
>lie down and go to bed late
>sit and stand up hunched
>use social media
>don't read books
>play video games
>watch hollywood
>hit the snooze button and procrastinate
>think after talking
>be needy
>bitch when you are wrong and bash other people
>don't read books, remember?
>listen to mainstream music
>don't bother meditating
>do lots of nightclubs
>do mindless consumerism and think afer buying
7 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11347

>>11346
Thrift stores are "trendy" now which has the upside of being able to buy socially acceptable clothes for cheap. Maybe consider going there unless you have money to blow on a whole new wardrobe.

  No.11348

>>11347
You got a point there, plus no telling if I meet a girl there or not. Which was were I was going with the idea of getting clothes, I need clothes and a chance to chat with women. Win-win for me. That said, I take advantage of clearance sales at places like Walmart often.

My main issues are getting pants that fit me. Being a skinny short man is hell when it comes to pants.

I'm near a few Goodwills and SAs. So I can at least score me some nice shirts and even shorts.



File: 1491519633471.png (221.79 KB, 300x267, tumblr_onuwf6SQ3f1rehsmho1_1280.jpg)

No.11333 [Reply]

Why gives you the strength to get out of bed in the morning at a reasonable time if you do. I know for me at least its much easier to sleep. I can dream forever about how my gf is still with me, or how dead people are alive, most of all that im happy or things are getting better.

But except on weekends I get out of bed at 8-10 everyday, I know my reason but whats yours?
3 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11337

>>11334
This sounds like a half-joke OP, but if I have to wake up early for work I drink a bottle or two of water before bed so when my alarm goes off I'm compelled to walk all the way to the bathroom. It's just far enough from my bed to stop be from going back.

  No.11349

>>11337
your post number has 1337 that's pretty interesting
polite sage for off topic



File: 1491543869514.png (2.1 MB, 300x214, ClipboardImage.png)

No.11339 [Reply]

What does lain do to keep on top of things? I get so overwhelmed with thoughts and ideas and tasks that I just end up paralyzing myself and doing absolutely nothing. Even if my one and only task for the day is to organize my tasks. My physical and digital notes are overflowing literally and figuratively respectively. Help.

  No.11341

File: 1491557661800.png (49.39 KB, 80x200, 1457278501317-2.jpg)

>>11339

Emacs org-mode.

Got a TODO? -> org-capture! SCHEDULE it!
Got an idea? -> org-capture!
Heard an interesting fact? -> org-capture!

Overwhelmed? -> org-agenda!
Review old ideas? -> org-agenda, filter by IDEA tag.
Review old facts? -> org-agenda, filter by FACT tag.



File: 1491612548291.png (187.78 KB, 300x171, nhkpud.png)

No.11354 [Reply]

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ Come join us for a chat! 24/7 ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

We like the same things you like!

Vidya Manga Anime Movies Music

https://join.skype.com/bYkQ7jkN4tgl


File: 1470853985458.png (535.48 KB, 300x240, 1470006388578.jpg)

No.4316 [Reply]

Does anyone actually have a life outside of the internet?
125 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10077

>>10060
Azusa is so cute it makes me feel weird things.

On topic, I've been asking myself that a lot lately, maybe its because the only interaction I had on dailybasis was work and uni, now that I've graduated and moved onto home office, I take days without properly taking with people.

Sometimes I wish I could do more with life than just work and play games, I wish I had some other hobby, or even the will to do some, since there are others I could do indoors.

  No.10091

File: 1486466356084.png (192.99 KB, 142x200, 1486452906886.jpg)

>>10077
>I take days without properly taking with people.
Same I spend most days not talking to people I feel no need to.

>I wish I had some other hobby

I've got very few hobbies as well it feels kinda weird some times. But then I just drown my self in my game and other hobbies to forget about it.



File: 1477278240173-0.png (2.99 MB, 141x141, A Great Day For Freedom.webm)

File: 1477278240173-1.png (3.39 MB, 141x141, The Final Cut.webm)

No.6960 [Reply]

post songs that make you feel.

High Hopes and The Final Cut(both the song and the album) both make me real sad. I've actually cried listening to High Hopes before, and I'm not the type that cries a lot. I just get thinking about how so much with the world is so incorrigably fuarrrked.
49 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11249

File: 1491174936776.png (1.39 MB, 200x138, lit.gif)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kC-QDNPKMvE
whoops a daisy, I thought I was happy

  No.11251

File: 1491176175518.png (4.39 MB, 141x141, Glen Hansard - Bird of Sorrow-uIGCpWi5dIs.webm)




File: 1478009918428.png (984.29 KB, 300x226, mamimi2.gif)

No.7387 [Reply]

Anyone /deadinside/? I feel like my personality has been erased. I don't have fears, dreams, hopes, things I like or dislike, people I love or hate, values, emotions. I'm empty.
The worst part is probably the lack of emotions.
Does anyone know how to overcome it?
14 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.9822

>>7398
>Air Doll
Just reading the plot summary to this was emotional. I'm going to see if I can watch this anywhere.

>>7502
>Side note - don't date your shrink either.
I was under the impression that any worthwhile shrink would never date their patients under any circumstance.

  No.9827

>>9822
The doctor would lose her job if anyone found out. Still, otherwise competent people make stupid decisions when passion or at least sex are in front of them.



File: 1478054457386.png (629.19 KB, 300x199, 1475444447622-1.gif)

No.7412 [Reply]

Checked the catalog and was surprised that I couldn't find one. General /uni/ feels thread. How are you guys doing with midterms?
144 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10667

Lainons, how do I memorize stuff?

I can barely keep 4 things in my head. I can apply things ok on projects and stuff, and profs have told me a few times that the understanding I display when talking to them for help or clarification or whatever is way past what my test performance would suggest, and I have no idea how to fix that. My school offers workshops on this sort of thing, but they're crap. I've been.

The fact that I memorized the alphabet when I was five and never missed a beat on that soykaf sounds impossible now. Like it was someone else that did it.

  No.10675

>>10667
Product of technology. People no longer need to memorize things often, except when they do : ^ ). One little thing I do is that when I forget something I wanted to do watch listen to or say I dont just let it slide, I struggle as hard as I can to remember it and recall it. But thats just something small.



File: 1478297824255-0.png (42.31 KB, 300x269, thank you jackie chan.jpg)

File: 1478297824255-1.png (483.67 KB, 300x169, butterfly.gif)

File: 1478297824255-2.png (58.72 KB, 300x159, happy halloween.jpg)

No.7558 [Reply]

Post images that make you feel good.

: )
90 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11118

File: 1490511294998-0.png (67.96 KB, 200x113, john cena smiling out mane.jpg)

File: 1490511294998-1.png (50.35 KB, 200x103, cena is laughing at your pain.jpg)

So this is the john cena thread I've been waiting for.

  No.11129

>>7606
>>7607
>>7608

Thanks a lot! :3



File: 1480009157152.png (101.17 KB, 286x300, hurts a little.jpg)

No.7988 [Reply]

Overheard some of my friends (?) gossiping about me today for the first time ever - before if people have beef with me they would just insult me to my face.

They were complaining that I "overshare" about my personal life, which is probably true. I'm a very boring person aside from my active personal life so I guess I don't have much else to talk about. Even if their complaints are accurate though, it still feels bad man.

: (
8 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10430

>>7988
If you want to improve, you should work on finding other things to talk about. Talk about things like common opinions and abstract knowledge.

  No.10441

"Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people."

though i actually do gossip and talk about people a lot unfortunately.

do they give any cues that they dont want to hear your stories while you are telling them? like obvious boredom and interrupting frequently? if not its really on them. if they pretend to be super interested in your story but arent then what the hell. at the very least if i was complaining about someone oversharing when they told a story again id make it clear i wasnt that interested.

on the other hand if they are making it clear and you arent picking up on it, its a problem with you not paying attention, listening or caring. sometimes i overshare with friends back home i dont see anymore despite knowing they dont want to hear it just because i dont care about them that much anymore and i just want to vent.



File: 1480119617139.png (2.93 MB, 300x169, crystallized.png)

No.8020 [Reply]

Hey, I had a rough week and I'm sure most of you had one too.

Let's share some good /feels/ music

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVBMMZrnG3A
9 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.9790

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlFmE4enqaI
Worst Comes to Worst -Billy Joel

We'll all get along, Lainons.

  No.9809

Some chill stuff I like listening to whenever I am feeling down.
유카리(Yukari) - Hang on
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGWKJtQgQEQ

saram12saram - Raindrop, Cloud, Typhoon and the Sun
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tvHtvYYpMg

플래시 플러드 달링스 Flash Flood Darlings - 별 Byeol
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKdFh6Zhl0U



File: 1481076792699.png (1.14 MB, 300x212, 1480139156627.jpg)

No.8294 [Reply]

A new year is coming

Do you remember something good that happened to you in this year?


I made a friend.
88 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.9913

Put ransomeware on few jewish computers because I hate jews and extorted a lot of money from them

  No.9915

>>9905
Exactly. My parents make me food and give me a room and that's about it. I pay for just about everything else.



File: 1481838008065.png (653.34 KB, 188x300, tumblr_nnboczSEZF1qh9o2do1_500.png)

No.8487 [Reply]

Picture very much related.
This is a thread for new friends. Too many people on this board are complaining about their lack of positive social interactions.

So in this thread talk about what you like doing, what you're looking for in a friend and how you'd like your new BFF to contact you.

> What are your interests / goals / skills ?


> What are you looking to learn / gain / do with a new friend ?


> How can your new friend contact you ?



I don't know if this is a /feels/ appropriate or if it's breaking an imageboard "taboo", but everyone on lainchan seems cool and unfortunately it seems like a lot of us are also lonely, even though ( I think this is a fair assumption ) we probably all have a lot in common.

One reply per post, if you reply to someone's post it's your obligation to contact them.
54 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10963

>>10962
>posting in this thread with some level of detail
>Don't contact me though
Why do you do this? Reading this I though "Hey, sounds like an alright dude." And you took that away from me.

  No.10966

>>10962
i'm >>>10900 hit me up if you want to.



File: 1482025807731.png (1.72 MB, 300x169, Screenshot 2016-10-11 at 10.21.06 PM.png)

No.8585 [Reply]

it is truly a buetiful feeling.
29 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10606

being in love just feels like fuarrrking soykaf

  No.10641

>tfw you have your hand deep up your ass and suddenly you have an intense bowel movement

Most beautiful feeling in the world.



File: 1482362212930.png (1.34 MB, 300x188, image.png)

No.8716 [Reply]

Post greentext stories, whether they are happy or sad, awkward or cool. Whatever you want.
99 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11114

>>11112
What the hell, free advice is free advice. Shoot. lol

  No.11196

File: 1490957260487.png (1.95 MB, 141x200, CryorSmile.png)

>Working at clients house
>Cleaning house
>Client is working on the whole sleeping off cancer thing
>Working pretty damn well for him
>Hears a noise in his room
>Walks in to find him somehow sitting up
>Be amazed at strength for a good ten seconds

>He wants to go smoke

>Dresses his lower regions
>Grabs up his phone, cigs, and lighter
>Lifts him into wheelchair
>Wheels him out to the porch

>Air is cold

>His hands shake as he takes the cigg out the pack
>Gives lighter to him
>He looks up, ane takes a deep breath
>Lights cigg while staring out at the farm fields
>Impatiently tries to return back to work
>Client stops me and tells me to sit
>I stammer to him i need to rush to get the house clean so we can to on our outing
>He stops me right there

>He looked me streight in the eyes and said sit

>So i sat down on the steps
>He pointed out to a dove and told me to watch it
>It just kinda walked around the cars
>Alert but not paniced just there

>I turn to my client

>I told him i must go back to work
>This time he laughed
>He laughed so hard he coughed blood up on my jacket
>Wiping the blood up with my sleeve he said
>Kid relax I dont have much time left but theres no need to rush
>Gestures to his tumbor on neck arm and leg
>He takes a long drag
>I just stared off into the farmland
>We sat in admiration of the dove for a while
>He later died a slow and painfull death



File: 1482731252726.png (874.54 KB, 300x169, 1417291577253.jpg)

No.8905 [Reply]

There's a sad vibe in all imageboards.
In all the music I listen.
In all the things I think, write, do...
Do I enjoy being sad? Do people on the internet enjoy being sad? Is it just a trait that most imageboard's autists have, being melancholic?
38 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10806

>>10788
I agree with you. Around the end of last year and beginning of this year, I hit a hard period of apathy. Feelings of annoyance or anger actually please me a bit because they're so much better than feeling nothing.

  No.11282

>>10788
I don't think that happiness is shallow. Anger and sadness seem more full because you become more introspective: your head needs to identify the things that are harming you, and either adapt around or fight against them.
I love my family, and spending time with them makes me happy, but I don't consider those to times to be shallow and meaningless. The emptiness we feel might be related to ourselves acknowledging the fact that we thrive for hapiness because it's a primal necesity, and not because it serves a purpouse.
Sadness is analytic, happines is not.



File: 1483356521854.png (746.64 KB, 300x298, cover.jpg)

No.9076 [Reply]

this is just something interesting i was thinking about. Do you think anyone can be saved or save themselves, or fix their issues or get better? Or do you tend to believe people are stuck with their flaws and traits? If someone has attatchment issues or anti social can they change that from within? Can they change it with help?

i just was realizing I never thought about it till i wanted to really change myself on the inside, and then i realized i never thought i could before. Id say soykaf like oh you cant help someone who cant help themselves and shiy but it didnt really have much meaning to me even though i thought it did. think about some terrible character trait of yours, maybe even one that at the moment you have no reason to change and youce just accepted is a part of you, could you change it?
20 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10588

>>9076
Off topic a bit but do you know where that image is from or what it is? I find it kind of curious.

  No.10591

>>10588
World's End Girlfriend - Hurtbreak Wonderland



File: 1483687615432.png (24.98 KB, 300x264, 1483570718298.jpg)

No.9170 [Reply]

The last one reached bump limit, so why not?

I'll start with a minor sad thing. It stormed for most of last week, and after a few days I realized I no longer enjoyed the sound of falling rain. It used to make me really comfy, but for some reason that feeling is gone.
296 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10365

File: 1487425855562.png (10.26 KB, 200x43, tough stuff.png)

>>10364
am sorry for that =/

what'd he do to "cause a problem", though?

bi people exist too...

it's not like we can't love people. are just certain passing feelings sometimes, is all

  No.10366

>>10365
bi are okay in my opinion though, i am just way more wary of bi-straight-leaning ones.
And it's not like I didn't know what i was going into either, he kept repeating that he loves me, but dislikes my body.



File: 1483822656251-0.png (94.79 KB, 300x231, 6706b20e8ae3111d1e65d9a64a00de05054db2185831987f91044d1502dc4182.gif)

File: 1483822656251-1.png (401.51 KB, 176x300, 1479000496335.png)

File: 1483822656251-2.png (167.76 KB, 300x224, 1438654288541.jpg)

No.9208 [Reply]

Sup
I really like SEL
It's been a long time since I was here
I was browsing the catalog and I felt... a little sad :c

And I felt like meeting new people, so
I'm thinking about leaving my skype (I know that for some people Skype is very personal, but, anyway) charlie8_6. (I'm a nice guy)
We could be friends or just talk, I'm thinking about a cyberpunk related group.
But also
In this thread we could talk about everything that is happening to the imageboards, nostalgia, what do you do to keep this fun "wired" feeling?
"Kalyx sold lainchan" what does that mean, how does it affect us?
What are some of your nice/interesting stories on online communities?
What's on your mind, lainanon?
30 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11016

File: 1489845563460.png (140.66 KB, 142x200, TDq0Afn.jpg)

>>9843
I want to help so badly with the Lainzine; for Lain and Lainchan both. I don't know how to use git at all and the entire thing is on git which is very intimidating...

I would love to do it: for Lain! But I don't want to ruin anything.

  No.11038

>>11016
It's easy enough, at least for something like this.
The only things you need to know are clone, pull, commit, and push.

Clone is what you do first and only first; it gets the repo set up locally and pulls all the files into it.
Pull is what you use to update your local copy to the latest code on the remote.

You make changes to your local copy, and then use commit to ... commit them, to the local codebase.
When you're done, you push it to the remote and there it is.

There's a few more things - I see they're using a hosted gitlab, so I don't know how they do pull requests really, but usually you just use the web interface to make a fork, then clone from your fork, commit changes, push to your fork, then submit a pull request.



File: 1483871564431.png (43.68 KB, 300x214, mineral.jpg)

No.9230 [Reply]

Lately, I've become increasingly uninterested in sustaining and/or improving myself at all.

Throughout the last year, I have gone from being the strongest person around me by far, to the weakest person around me by far. In a way, I feel shadowed by my past personality, one that was filled with passion, drive, and relentlessness, and wonder what the me then would say to the me now.

Every day, I spend 10-12 hours sleeping, 8-10 hours half-assedly on the computer, and the rest lying down staring out the window or at the ceiling. To some this would seem like a fine life, but nearly everything is missing any semblance of interest or passion.

I think about all my hobbies, pursuits, and crafts I've invested my life into, and I see no reason to continue them or do anything new. It's as if, for the first time, I really understand on a fundamental level, that the ego, the desire for self-preservation, is just a program that people give power by choosing to believe in it. Looking back, It was something I certainly believed in throughout my life, up until recent, that there was some sort of intrinsic value in doing things for the sake of (improving/helping/sustaining) oneself.

Looking back, almost every good thing I've done in my life was followed by pain and disappointment. Every accomplishment, success, progression, and triumph that others envied of me was another lesson that hard work and great rewards are ultimately unsatisfying.

Every ounce of intelligence in my body looks at the evidence, all the experiences and history stored in my mental catalog, and says that self-preservation and improvement is an illogical and counter-intuitive mission. The motives that compelled me for my entire life are crumbling, because I never before questioned why I should care about myself. In the past, I always instinctively knew it 'made sense' to do good for oneself, because I subconsciously believed it so.

I have worded every aforementioned sentence as carefully and honestly as I can. I don't want to drown in emptiness, I'm just asking for help from anyone who may have felt they've been in a similar place.

I don't know how things got this way, from so so so high to so low. Many aspects of my life are in decline and I want to learn to care about myself again before it's too late. Thank you dearly to anyone reading this. I appreciate your attention
6 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.9856

>>9849
It could be low selenium. Eat some sunflower seeds.

  No.9868

>>9230

I know how you feel. I get that it's a bit of a meme, but antidepressants really helped/help me. There was a time last winter when I was about ready to do something that I'd regret, everything felt so desperately hopeless and the same. I told a friend and I went to a dr, it helped a lot.

Maybe it's a placebo, but it worked pretty well for me. I feel a lot more spry, I have more energy, and I generally enjoy life (even if my life is pretty pathetic) a lot more.



File: 1484037060971.png (977.23 KB, 213x300, 405a8ad101394afea41b360542a9c5b2.jpg)

No.9314 [Reply]

I'm tired of clinging onto hope. No matter what I do, I don't seem to be going anywhere. Some irony here: I've been so risk averse because I didn't want to cut my chances short (i.e., I'm not explicitly trying to get myself killed or sick), so if I was going to go it'd be at the mercy of nature. With how I've been feeling physically lately and coughing blood I might get mine yet. Maybe I'll die from an aneurysm or something.
3 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.9739

Any reason why you're coughing blood?
Any sickness or was it just outta nowhere?

  No.9748

Hope is useful in situations where no known solution exists but there might be unknown factors that can later save the situation, but require you keep going on blindly and without any known reason.
We never know whether there is an unknown solution on the way, thus: if there is no known solution to your problem but you keep going, that's fine. If however there is a knows solution to your problem, you're probably just being something else, and you should be working on the solution instead of hoping.
If you don't know what to do/what you want to do, then there's nothing wrong and what are you even doing?



File: 1484196129577.png (37.13 KB, 300x169, ee70p4v8i59y.jpg)

No.9335 [Reply]

Am I a bad person lainchan? I've wanted to get this off of my chest for a while and for some reason this place feels like the best. All of this happened about 3 months ago and it seems like it's over now. (I've changed all actual names for obvious reasons). I've never posted on a board before so sorry if this needs to be removed or reposted somewhere else.
I had a friend named Robert who I had known for 5/6 years at that point, he started to date a girl named Beth. Beth was a really nice girl who meshed with our friend group really well at the time. Eventually Beth and I started to talk more and more becoming pretty good friends. One night I was having a party with Beth and some other friends, Beth and I pull away from the main party and talk about stuff in my room. She started to talk about her kinks with choking and that kind of stuff. She takes my hands and wraps them around her neck and shows me how to choke someone. Both of us knew that something sexual was happening. When I was taking everyone home I made sure she was the last one I took home so we could be in private for a little bit. We made out and it lead to stuff getting a little sexual.
Fast-forward a month and Beth and I are having a full blown secret relationship behind Robert. We would go on dates and do cutesy stuff like that. It seemed like the only good thing that was happening to me at the time. I was in the height of my depression, so having someone to talk to regularly about it seemed like it was helping. But I realized after a while that she was one of the main reasons for my depression. I felt like I was being used for sex and money and food. I told her about these feelings and she said that I was being stupid and ridiculous and that I should just not be depressed. She only wanted to talk and see me when I wasn't feeling down.
I started to talk to a girl named Abby, I met her through Beth and she was really nice. Abby and I started to get closer emotionally, I talked more and more to Abby and less to Beth. Robert started to get more and more skeptical of me and Beth around this time and was catching up to us. I talked with Robert and made up some bullsoykaf lie about me and Beth only kissing and it being a one time thing. The only 2 persons I've told about Beth and I up to this point is my step-sister and my friend Nathan. I started to date Abby and I cut all relations with Beth, I stopped talking to her completely and wanted her out of my life. Robert somehow believed our lies and wanted nothing to do with me.
One night Robert talks to Nathan acting like he knew exactly what happened between Beth and I. Eventually Robert gets Nathan to spill the beans and tell him about our sexual relations. That was the night that everything was out of the bag. I expected to be outed by everyone around me and left out. But the opposite happened, Beth was looked down on, Beth tried to do damage control but failed after trying to cover things up instead of telling the truth. Amazingly Abby and I are still together and are coming up on 7 months together soon. I haven't talked to Beth or Robert since that day. Almost everyday I think about what I did and how I ruined a relationship and alot of friendships in just a couple month period. I don't know what to think about myself since then. I think I'm just a truly terrible person and don't deserve to be alive after that.
I'll be around to answer any questions you might have, I did a pretty bad job on explaining everything that's happened. What do you think lainons, am I a despicable person?
16 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.9725

>>9721
If OP hadnt known, that'd be right, but he did. Its warranted. She deserves more, shes plainly human garbage wheras if OPs version of the story is to be trusted he was weak and got manipulated into doing something soykaf, but he did it knowingly even if it was because of that.

  No.9769

>>9725
OP was seduced by his friend's gf
He should feel a little dirty maybe,
but not actually "guilty"

Would have gotten bonus points for "coming clean"
>Rob ur gf cucc's u
>how u know
>bcuz she secks ME
>fugg
Then Rob would have maybe been less salty

But as it is, I can't really feel any judgement towards OP for being thirsty



File: 1484429251282.png (41.63 KB, 300x291, 1349833766292.jpg)

No.9391 [Reply]

So I'm a 90s-born young white male who grew up with vidya, porn, and anime and who works in IT now, with parents whose politically leftist/liberal influence led me to soak up ideals of porn culture under the guise of "sexual liberation" for all my childhood and teenage years (although they themselves wouldn't support porn -- I always just thought "well they're too old and don't get it, this is the *new* liberal stuff").

Then some three years ago I met classical, second-wave feminism for the first time (also called radical feminism although that term scares people off and makes them assume wrong things), and it gave me the most logical, clear, and sensible explanation of the world around me, especially since I'm effeminate on the inside and a sensitive boy. (I'm 23 but calling myself a boy feels more appropriate, even though I have a beard. Boku wa...) It includes / is sisters with critiques of capitalism, imperialism, colonialism, racism, and so on (see for instance Deep Green Resistance, where all these are combined) and all of this is basically like my "religion" at this point, although rooted in materialism not spirituality.

From about 17 to 22 I would visit 4chan's anime community and feel somewhat at home there. Ultimately I quit because of the raging sexism.

Similarly, for the past 5 years or so I would also spend almost every day in an IRC channel that I grew extremely fond of and where I felt like home (much more so than on 4chan), which in fact also nudged me towards sensible feminism in the first place more or less... But it seems I've gotten too radical. Being a techie IRC channel, it contains almost only men, and probably more MtF transsexuals than women. Criticizing porn and prostitution was difficult enough, and the other day I was once again treated massively derisively by some of the bigger names in the channel for opposing the transgender movement's attack on women's liberation. I'm not exactly bad at expressing myself I believe, but the clash of genderism and women's liberation is a topic that includes a particularly powerful mixture of mind-fuarrrkery, and it seemed like nobody actually got my perspective in the first place, yet they felt it right to dismiss me as crazy and be all holier than thou. So ultimately I quit the one place I would call home also.

Now I feel a vacuum. Literally no place to go and chill with people. Not even a fuarrrking IRC channel, or a retarded anonymous imageboard, which were the best things I had. Venting at Lainchan came to mind, because this is the least bad chan I've ever known. I'm not a regular, and I doubt that there's anyone here with a similar life experience to mine, but I needed SOME place to vent, so here it goes.

I think that's all. I'm too chicken to actually seek up an ultra-radical group like Deep Green Resistance or an underground criminal version of it, I'm male so I can only be a sideline ally to women's liberation communities and not a member, my interactions with people in real life such as with family or coworkers is totally stunted because of my eccentric inner world, and other than hoping to maybe find a new home on the Web, I'm now just seeking out a girlfriend to perhaps be the one person I feel at home with. Never had a partner before, been longing for a while, maybe it'll change my life.

Also, a young cat I loved deeply died recently and I think that's still silently killing me on the inside. Just as an aside.

That's all. I just spilled my guts out and killed some time. Who knows what'll happen next.
102 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.9696

>>9391
Maybe I'm a little bit late to give an advice. Sorry about that.

You should hang out with people who have radically different views that genuinely cares about people or society in general. On first glance, they look like your enemies, but after some time, you will see that they are fighting the same battle. They just have a different way of viewing things.

  No.9898

>>9696
This is sort of sound advice, but near impossible to follow. Where would you even find people like that? Post a Craigslist personal ad? How would you take care of the "and genuinely care about people" stipulation?



File: 1484501306695.png (7.67 KB, 128x128, indeksiraj.jpeg)

No.9423 [Reply]

Would you upload your mind to a computer?
Would you join the singularity?

I personally would upload myself to a computer, but I would never join a singularity. I would also probably just reupload myself into another body and hopefully have that kind of semi immortality.
22 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10191

>>9791
WTF does DNA have to do with consciousness?

  No.10194

Why would i subject a digital self to have to live with itself for all eternity, its already bad enough as it is.
What i perhaps would do is live in a virtual world i design with npcs who i design and even a copy of myself.
The singularity is bullsoykaf imo, life is only about satisfying needs, at that point you could just force your digital brain to shed out dopamine constantly.
Death, life, personality and existence are merely abstractions, we change constantly.
Uploading a copy of yourself and thinking you wont die is just masturbation.
What would be more interesting would be imortality due to body replacements.



File: 1484552234689.png (172.83 KB, 300x169, lain.jpg)

No.9498 [Reply]

I've been studying Buddhist and Epicurean philosophy lately and I've been so much happier and content with everything. I'm starting to detach myself from material desires and I feel at peace. I don't think I've felt anger that lasted more than 30 seconds in the past month, I just have a strong desire to spread goodwill now.

Anyone else have their perspective in life take a turn for the better?
24 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10773

I tried to kill myself and lately I've just viewed humanity and life as beautiful. I still wanna kill myself but I don't have the same negative nhilism.

  No.10774

>>10179
>those rules
It's basic understanding of common courtesy and general manners for behaving written in weird flashy COOL way to catch an eye of socially inept autists.
Also, rules are for sheep



File: 1484726607490.png (307.57 KB, 300x300, 1484331876603.jpg)

No.9567 [Reply]

anyone else /doingnothingallday/?

im so addicted to image boards I lurk and post on them all day and keep several tabs open of threads. I can feel myself falling even harder into my depression but reading about other sacks of soykaf on these makes me feel even fuarrrking worse yet im addicted to this soykaf
44 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10660

File: 1488379877811.png (91.75 KB, 140x200, 1488086272990.jpg)

>>10002
For some reason I have no motivation at all 90% of the time. I'm not sure why this is ether. I just play games b/c its a way to make me forget about what needs forgetting. And I do like watching anime but now all I can do is rewatch stuff I've already watched. But I put in 6 apps for jobs this week so thats a start I guess.

  No.10661

>>10660

I'm in the same boat as you, motivation is at an all-time low. Except I have a job - it's just so mind-numbingly, soul-crushingly boring, unchallenging, and socially toxic that I hate my life. I also have family - kids etc. It's like I've died, except the dead get to rest. I've boiled it down to "Life fuarrrking is like kicking dead whales down the beach". I miss having adventures and doing interesting things. I think I'd even go back to Iraq, which I thought was miserable, but still better than this soykaf.



File: 1484786873513.png (1.71 KB, 300x150, Oekaki.png)

No.9590 [Reply]

Hey lainons, I've been put into this stupid situation and I am just curious to hear some other people's ideas/thoughts..

I went to high school with this dude, was kinda cool with him back then, but he got into heroin/did a bunch of soykafty things, went to jail for awhile, and is now out on parole..

He moved to the city I live in recently and then texted me randomly tonight (not having talked in years) asking if he could get clean piss from me because he broke parole for "smoking weed", and that he needs it tonight or he's likely to go back to jail for parole violation.

My piss is clean because I'm straightedge, I don't trust this dude at all and don't really want to see him, but I definitely don't want to see another drug addict end up in jail.

What would you do? What should I do? I'm pissed I even received that text and have been put into this situation, annoying as fuarrrk.
5 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.9600

>>9598

Couldn't he just go into a truck stop or a family restaurant or whatever and requisition some urine?

  No.9601

>>9600
no, unless you mean asking a stranger to pee in a bottle for you
they check the concentrations and if it's too diluted you have to take another test later or you fail.
plus, some places measure the temperature so assuming the poster is in the northern hemisphere it kinda has to be more or less fresh piss to be warm enough



File: 1485085713888.png (1.6 MB, 300x188, Beauty.jpg)

No.9687 [Reply]

Does anyone here feel like being a shut-in or hermit is the best decision they've made? Other than going to work and a grocery store, I haven't seen another human in three months. It's wonderful.

Anyone have any hermit feels to share?
81 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10948

File: 1489596567304.png (50.35 KB, 113x200, 1218743693609.gif)

I used to be a full hikikomori.
Many years ago i started going outside for walks, at first near the quiet woods then further and further.
I discovered some interesting places and things.
Even dared going near people and watching them.
A few times when i had spare money i dared going to bars.

It made me see a different world, the one i could not be a part of.
Now im sick of going outside, of doing anything, of being alive.
I wish i could go back to how i was before, of not having seen the world, just quietly rotting away in my room.
Maybe id be better of like that, i but cannot go back.

  No.10957

>>9687
I've spent my whole life being a shut in a computer. It's fuarrrked my brain up. I'm trying to get out of it. It's simply no way to live.



File: 1485086641709.png (244.99 KB, 216x300, samuraipepe.png)

No.9688 [Reply]

For the past years I've built my life around lies to hide my total dissatisfaction with anything. I have not ambitions or anything and feel dead inside. I've stoped creating new lies the last two years but it was hard to come clean of the lies of the past. I'm on my way to start coming clean to my close people and dissapoint many of them, and I really love them. I will lose a lot probably but I may find myself and start anew. Wish me luck lainons and have some empathy for a lost soul. We are all worth of reality and satisfaction.
7 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.9719

>>9697
I feel you so much. Everyone seems so ambitious these days and that is a big pressure of its own.

  No.9770

>>9697
>>9719
I used to know that, and it really is like kicking dead whales down the beach. The only thing I can suggest is finding something you genuinely enjoy doing, set an acheivable long term goal and with luck the ambition will come.



File: 1485522690744.png (1.73 MB, 300x51, laichan.jpg)

No.9848 [Reply]

>be me
>have an essay due today when school starts
> i can't into essay writing
> my grades are soykaf already(its the first week of the semester)
> i fantascise about commiting suicide over my grades, everyday
>but im too much of a bitch to do it irl

so how are you doing lains?
19 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.9885

>>9883
>nice deconstruction you sound like a robot...

Nice punctuation, m80.

  No.9886

File: 1485621372556.png (470.75 KB, 200x135, 1484115392620.jpg)

It's alright anon, take care of yourself.

I'm also dealing with a lot of educational stress, going to start taking nootropics again to make it easier on myself..



File: 1485821274939.png (68.52 KB, 200x300, lainchan.jpg)

No.9940 [Reply]

I'm sure there's already a thread for this, but I want to go in a slightly different direction. Have any of you lains talked anyone out of suicide? I've had to do it twice now, and I dread waking up to "x hanged himself, his funeral is in two days." Is this just me? Are my friends just particularly suicidal or is this a normal thing?
12 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10352

#suicide on irc.rizon.net for support and advice :)

  No.10355

I've been there Lain - sometimes I fear I'll be there again. I have a very tight knit, but unhealthy, group of friends and I've been through this a few times. Even once physically stopped a friend from throwing himself a cliff - though I still wonder to this day if he would've done it, he certainly acted as though he would.

As this >>10146 anon said, there's no magic words you can say in order to convince a suicidal person out of suicide. Nor is there any way you will be able to replace the words of a trained counsellor and professional. What a person wants is an ear, some reminder that there are people out there who care about them. When I was younger I tended to panic and say things which, while well intentioned, probably only further alienated my friend. Don't treat them like a basket-case, try to avoid hysteria yourself. Listen, stay calm but engaged and compassionate, try and give them a reason to live one more day.

But remember, you don't need to burn yourself down to make another person warm.



File: 1485839746858.png (116.23 KB, 300x230, IMG_3797.jpg)

No.9945 [Reply]

Another month another failed semester.
jammit I used to be so productive in my work, now I have zero drive to get anything that really matters done and it's F after F. How the hell do I shift myself back into gear?
7 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.10651

>>9945
2016 i achieved nothing but failure, OP.
As a computer science student, i skipped so many classes that i failed without even doing the tests... I'm drowning myself in debts while wasting my parents money (because i study far from my hometown) without they even knowing whats going on...

what made me open my eyes was when i realized i've had played 1600+ hours of dota 2 alone in 2016, i felt like i was nothing, that after that i wouldn't be able to achieve nothing in life, i think it was one of my most profound sadness after my depression years in 2011
i used to even dream about dota 2,

its been 2 months now and i have played no video-games, i can't prove you it has any benefit, but for the first time in a long time i stopped and think about me, because i've been running away from myself for a long time

if you play too much video-games, i recommend you to stop doing it, it may be ruining your life as much as it ruined mine, by anesthetizing me of reality
another thing that helped me was start lifting, i feel my health improving (i wasn't able to carry 20kg before starting lifting and now i can)

Monday it'll start a new semester for me, i really hope things do well for both me and you. I am definitely afraid of not being capable of keeping it up, and as a very anxious guy the only thing i can do about it is stop and meditate until the anxiety goes away, because i've got no selfsteem.

  No.10652

>>10648
Op needs direction not some half cooked idea of destroying perversion and degeneracy. This just feels unrelated.

Take things a day at a time op. Revaluate again and again. Check and make sure that your doing something with your time. Might be school work one hour, might be reading one hour. But keep at yourself to keep doing things. The thing that bugs me the most is when I waste time. Directionless time use is such an easy way to waste the time you do have. Put some real direction and check the time, over and over make sure your doing things.

You have to basically rewire the way you think a bit, and that's going to take time and habit. But you have to go back over it over and over again. Cause you can do this, you just have keep at yourself to be driven. Divide up your time into the things you like doing and the things you need to do. Keep an eye on the time a bit, and keep making progress. Eventually you get a groove down and you'll start feeling a little better.

And you keep at it. You'll keep getting better and better. You won't be an expert at this quick, but you can relearn how to think about these things. Be persistent and don't get upset if you have a bad day at it, that should only bring you back to it make you work a little harder.



File: 1485983241846.png (353.41 KB, 300x156, ClipboardImage.png)

No.9971 [Reply]

what is up soykaf munchers.

This is a thread exclusively for cheery chappies to pat each other on the dick for being great. So leave that depressing soykaf at the fuarrrking door son,
>"boo hoo I don't have any friends"
I don't give a FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKK

lets hear it you filthy sluts, why do your farts smell great, what is happening in your life that makes it blindingly excellent.

I'll start

>top marks at uni

>everyone likes me at work
>starting a placement tomorrow
>happier and more confident than I have ever been in my life
28 replies omitted. Click reply to view.

  No.11205

If life was great again I wouldn't be hanging around internet forums posting about it, I'd be back living it.

  No.11212

Lain has made my life much more curious and I love her dearly. She is my angel! I am thankful to God for giving us to one another.