[ art / civ / cult / cyb / diy / drg / feels / layer / lit / λ / q / r / sci / sec / tech / w / zzz ] archive provided by lainchan.jp

lainchan archive - Catalog (/feels/)

R: 1

welcome to /feels/, a safe place to spill whats on your mind or ask for advice. Example topics are (but not limited to) depression, sex, career advice, moving, vandwelling, just plain venting, mental states, letters to people who won't read them, positive things that happened today, addiction, relationships, narcissism, et cetera.

1. this board projects a positive attitude, it's ok to be critical but we won't tolerate attacking people, trolling, or unhelpful comments like "kill yourself". Report things, don't reply.

2.try to give as much information as you can when asking a question, something more than "how do i get a gf?". Be specific, not general.


4.posts containing retarded shit, or something that, at a Mods discretion seems illegitimate, harmful, or just plain stupid will be deleted.

5. Post OP's need to put effort into their first post. One-liners and/or just a single link are super duper forbidden.
R: 18

Anybody else experience extreme levels of anhedonia?
I've been like this for the longest time and it's killing me.
No matter how many positive things happen to me (which is rarely), I can't feel any gratification.
It's like I'm in a permanent state of gloominess.
R: 2

Hey Lain friends. I really love Lain. I am obsessed with her and the anime. Do you guys have some experience you can share? I would love hearing from others what they felt, thought, and did after SEL whether in Lain's honor or not. I LOVE LAIN!
R: 10

Avoidant personality disorder?


Are there any lainons that think that they have it or have been diagnosed with it?

>Too sensitive to criticism or rejection

I get so torn over any criticism, even if it's obviously just a joke. I even feel terrible when someone insults me over the internet. I just can't take at all.
>Feeling inadequate, inferior or unattractive
I feel horribly ugly despite getting compliments on my hair and clothing quite often. I often can't stand looking at mirrors or windows because I fear my reflection. I have no idea how to deal with compliments. I usually don't even realize that someone was trying to compliment me, and when I do I'll either deflect on instinct or just lie and say "thanks". I also feel really dumb most of the time, but that's probably true, honestly.
>Avoidance of work activities that require interpersonal contact
I'm a delivery driver, so I don't get too much serious social contact, but I still agonize over the simple "how are you today" and "have a nice day!". I have to fight tears in the car sometimes because I just know that whoever I just delivered to must be disgusted at how much of an awkward and careless human being I must seem to be. Not to mention that I try to avoid talking to my co-workers as much as possible.

I've also skipping classes lately because of this fear, especially the ones where I don't know anyone. I feel like I'm being stared at by everyone, being laughed at. I can't stand it. I can't even concentrate. I just sit in the back and try to hide my weeping until class ends and have a breakdown in my car.
>Socially inhibited, timid and isolated,
It takes me several months to a year to be comfortable enough to talk freely to a new friend. If and when I do finally reach the point, I eventually get convinced that they hate me and only interact with me out of obligation or pity. An interesting outcome to this is that all my friends are quite extroverted and caring, though, since they're the only once who can stick with me long enough.
>avoiding new activities or meeting strangers
I used to join clubs and soykaf, but I'd always deeply regret joining and ultimately leave because I never felt like I fit it. I always believed that my peers made fun of me for being inadequate behind my back. "Lainon's such a bad athlete, lainon's such a bad speaker, what a loser, he's so quite" they must've said/thought. Leadership roles also scare me greatly, even if it's something as little as giving someone advice. My parents would make fun of me for being too much of a follower during my childhood.
>Extreme shyness in social situations and personal relationships
I can't imagine being in any kind of intimate relationship. I just can't. It seems like torture to me and I can't see why anyone would want such a commitment. Even saying things like "thank you" and just being nice in general is often really scary to me.
>Fear of disapproval, embarrassment or ridicule
It's all I think of. Anxiety plagues me every day whether I'm with people or alone.

It's apparently a rare personally disorder, but I bet that's just because people with avoidant personality disorder don't seem like the kind of people to accept help, and that's kinda the struggle that I've having right now. I don't think that I deserve the "luxury" of acknowledging this disorder. There are people who are starving, who are beaten every day, who have much bigger problems than I do. I have no right to complain about "muh shyness."

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. This is probably better than talking to an imaginary friend, which is what I've been doing lately.
R: 49

Is Lain Smart?

Practically my whole life I've been told I'm fairly intelligent. Parents, friends, teachers, classmates, co-workers; though the truth of it is that I don't feel the slightest bit smart. I spent my senior year of highschool in a psyche hospitals and inpatient drug and alcohol rehabs (I'm manic-depressive); without getting into details I very barely graduated.

The reason I believe people call me smart is because I have never had a problem learning things. I never got below A's on my tests in any subject, and yet I passed those classes with D's because I refuse to do homework. People told me all my life college would be different; I would get to study what I wanted and it would be less focused on homework. But now I am in my second semester with a sub 2.0 gpa and on academic watch because I continued to just attend lecture score well on tests and refuse to waste my time on homework.

It isn't as if I'm partying and fuarrrking around instead of doing homework, I read books. I read a soykaf ton of books, about a bunch of different subjects. I'm currently paying for my college courses with a part time job as a sushi chef and free lance php/c backend work for local businesses (the restaurant I part time at included). I read books because I enjoy it. I'm confident a sizable portion of this community is depressed, and feel certain you all can relate to wanting to do anything you can to escape it. Doing anything but programming / reading is unbearable, and frankly I don't feel going about things "correctly" is worth feeling suicidal.

Now I understand why people call me smart, I know things they don't know. But the only reason I know things they don't know is because I took some fuarrrking initiative to learn something. I feel if I was really smart I would use my talents to make something of myself or at the very least not constantly put myself on a path that is self destructive.


Are you smart? Do people tell you you're smart? Is it advantageous to be smart?
Pic related, some OC lain wallpaper for your collections.
R: 5

How do you capture moments and feelings of happiness?

This is a major problem for me. When something good happens, it doesn't affect me at all in the there and now.
This is despite the fact I KNOW a moment is nice/happy...it already feels like its passing/out of reach

>i.e. a few days ago I beat my friend at chess (I never win and have played against him many times), yet I'm sitting there feeling...nothing, even though I know the meaning behind that win

Instead, happiness comes to me later. I look back 6 months or longer, and my mind has filtered out the bad times (not always but often), so I'm left with nostalgia and a feeling that everything has passed and my present/future is trending downhill.
>i.e. I get periods of depression every few months that, for days make me dysfunctional/super stressed, but are near-irrelevant in memory

So how am I supposed to extract good feelings when only bad feelings are blunt when they happen?
R: 14

Right now I'm sitting in my campus cafeteria, alone. I had dropped of and this is the first time I've been here after five years. I want to resume my studies and will fight for it. At the same time I feel so alone. Also my whole body is shivering from my need of heroin. Yes I am a junky trying to give up on heroin. So I'm shivering and feeling cold and alone and wishing someone notices me and comes and talks to me and gives me the connection to the outer world I need so much right now. So I reach out to you guys, since noone is going to talk to me right now the weird junky who sits alone over there. Thanks all for being here for me, I promise I will be there for you
R: 18

how does someone become famous. i want to be famous.
R: 249

Another vent/thoughts thread

last one reached bump limit

I've come to the conclusion that I've been grieving over the loss over one of the best friends I've ever made. I sometimes think that they're actually dead, but that may not be the case. But at this point, dead or alive, the result is the same. I lost a friend and I'm grieving over the fact.

I've spent the last year looking for any and everything to replace it and all along it was something that I could never replace.

I don't know what else to say except this is like kicking dead whales down the beach.
R: 0

On a day
Of crystalline thought, I went away
With all I'd been taught
Went away, to a land in my mind, I went away
Seeking all I could find

It sounds like a dream
But in fact it seemed
A voice in my head did sing -

It sang!
All things are universes, eternal, and
Thought never dies
But forms a vast kingdom
Of one!
R: 27

Death Of Physical Media

There are no more movie stores in my town besides a Wal-Mart. I loved being able to go to the video store, order something and have it in my hands. It belonged to me and I really loved that. I could take a CD or DVD home and rip it or share it with anyone.

Now, It's increasingly difficult to find media I want and still buy it anonymously. I hate Amazon and music services like Spotify who control users and don't let them own the media they paid money for.
Do any other Lains feel this way?
R: 38

Anon, tell me about an important moment in your past.
R: 12

Social Advice

Here's the gist of my past year, in greentext to expedite reading.

>have a decent job that I suck at

>have about 3 "friends" that I talk to fairly regularly
>we don't physically meet up but play video games often
>when occasional meet ups do happen I don't go because I don't enjoy being outside
>we plan one meet up where we're all going to see a live event, myself included
>one of us bails to see the event on another day with his new gf
>I bail after realizing the event will take place in the evening and I don't want to be in the city at night
>one "friend" just blanks me completely after this and doesn't return messages at all
>the other two stay in touch but it's few and far between (I'm talking weeks between messages)
>quit my job because I'll get fired eventually for sucking at aforementioned job and want to leave on better terms
>also because I'm depressed as soykaf
>for the next 8 or 9 months I'm basically left to rot
>can't find a job at all
>worst year I've had in a long while
>recently the guy who blanked me starts a new group chat with everyone in it
>everyone starts talking and plays games as though the massive gap never happened

I haven't said anything yet and no-one has specifically mentioned me yet.
I'm not sure if I should even say anything.
I figured they had cut me out of the social circle or something but if that was the case why add me to the group chat in the first place?

I don't want to talk to these people or play games with them seeing as how I'm basically an afterthought.
I've got nothing else going on in my life though.

My choices are:
Ignore them and just tough it out till I find a job and become friends with my new coworkers?
Talk with them again as though everything is fine?
Talk with them again but only till I get in a better place myself then drop them?
R: 2


I am fuarrrking sick of my life. I've been chained to some inane bullsoykaf for my entire life.

School, family, religion, politics, at least three of these at a time. Finishing school I realized it was all inane vague bullsoykaf except for the sciences, even history was contextual. I left school not being much smarter than I came in, which should surprise no one here.

Family, I always had to be respectable and polite and courteous and keep up the good name and whatnot. My parents are the best parents anyone could ask for but it's all a fuarrrking charade for me because I am so unlike them in behavior and personality, taste, everything. I can't be who I really am because that would make my family (read: other people) look bad.

Religion, oh boy, how I LARP in this respect. Despite the moralistic values I spout I am a chronic cynic and prayer (when I do get down to prayer, which is extremely rare) I am a chronic cynic, and probably the only reason I'm not a full-blown atheist is that I want insurance or plausible deniability from hellfire and social ostracism. Being raised in a very religious family didn't help me much, I was religiously truant since a kid and as I grew up I became outright cynical about things, every day a clergyman and devil battle in my mind and I never know who will win in the end.

Politics, the least of my problems and the one that I discarded the earliest, and I'm glad for that. Not much to say since this problem no longer exists.

You can't be this you can't do that not this not that I can do fuarrrking nothing. The thing is I don't even know what I want to be. The only thing I definitely want is money since that will at least give me a tangible ''freedom'' not concerning any of the other things I mention.
R: 36

I finally decided to close my Facebook account and I'm pretty happy because I won't be coming back to it any time from now!
I only wish that I could get all the time I wasted on it when I was depressed and kept deluding myself about friendships and stuff.
My situation as of now isn't any better, but I believe that this was a good decision to make.
R: 18


At every moment of the day, it feels like I view life through a screen, or some kind of barrier, which dulls all emotions positive or negative. It's such a strong sensation in my head that it has a physical presence, right behind my temple. Because of it, I can make a group of acquaintances laugh and laugh with them, but feel almost no pleasure from it. If I fail an exam, I'm slightly upset, but go back to normal a few minutes later. A few months ago, I still had periods of sadness that were kind of comfortable, but now I'm a zombie. Lately, it's like I haven't even been alive. I'm only 18, and if this continues my entire adolescence will certainly be wasted.

Do any of you know what I mean? Have you improved your situation at all? Is it even possible?
R: 3

Shitty Day Venting Thread

Help yourself feel better by letting everyone know about the stuff that royally fuarrrked up your day.

I'll start:

Today, I was supporting a customer through a procedure to make a change to their account. ou have to sign out of the account everywhere initially, then once the change is made you sign back in. So I've got the documentation up explaining exactly how to go through the process, and everything seems to be going fine. Customer is taking direction well, everything is working fine. Then we get to the part where we need to sign back into everything. At this point, everything goes sideways because there are extra steps required if the user has certain security settings enabled (specifically, that you need to switch the security settings on the account before beginning the process) that aren't listed in the documentation. So I get to explain to the user that
soykaf is fuarrrked until the automated system can give them back access to their account because there was something that should have been in the documentation that wasn't.

R: 15

Well, I don't know what to do with my life anymore. This isn't where I want to be. I've come to the clean conclusion that I'll never be able to accomplish my dreams. I gave up a long time ago because someone like me is incapable of holding potential. Even everyone around me has lost faith in my path towards success. I don't have friends, those who you're supposed to rely on when times turn dire. To make matters worse, it's all my fault because I thought I could live without relying on others. That I could live by myself without trouble. But this made me realize what a foul person I am on the inside and outside. There have been endless trials of attempts to improve myself but it's gotten nowhere. Made me want to call it quits even more. There's nothing I can do anymore to better the situation. I dislike myself and I resent those who have mistreated me endlessly. There's nobody I can trust. I'm so pathetic, today I had a mini hissy fit in the restroom. I lunged everything towards the wall. My parents came running towards the door to make certain I was fine which made me feel like a burden to everyone I have left who cares about me just a little. I am done existing. I'll never be of use to anyone or this world. Don't understand why I was born in the first place to end up consuming oxygen for those who are far more productive/valuable. You all probably read similar summaries like this before, and I'll just end up being forgotten.
R: 2

Recover friends or become a hermit

Since the topic of a hermit i becoming common here I would like to tell you my situation right now for someone who would like to read it

I feel like I can make any new friends anymore. After some unfortunate events I enter to college for the second time.

I feel extremely lonely while I am at school. when I try to talk to other people I don't know why I feel like we do not connect at all there's the awkward silence and then people start to leave my side, so by the second semester I became like the trustful lonely dude who you can ask about programming if you didn't understand, but nothing else he is a guy with few friends.

While I am with friends who I know since a long time I feel so much better and comfortable. but as the time goes on I feel more distant with them after I move out far from where I previous lived, but I feel this is not me I used to be quite more social than before but after my father died I feel like i'll eventually end like a Hermit and that is something I don't want maybe I'm getting the wrong picture of a hermit but I still have that common thought from society that ending alone is the worst it can happen to you.

Should I get more close at least to my friends again or simply let life take me without struggling and focus in finishing college and getting a good job.

Thank you.

sorry for any bad English I am mexican.
R: 3

Sometimes I have insomnia, and I think about all the things I've done wrong in my life
R: 4

I don't know what to do anymore lain. I feel like despite all the opportunites in my life right now, all of them still feel static and empty, like I can't handle living in a society and constantly conforming to rules I never agreed to. I feel like I will never amount to anything anymore and I just need to burn harder and brighter than anybody else even for an instant before I go out. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I need something that will remind me I'm still alive somewhere in here.
R: 5

I have a dream. But it is an unreachable. It is in a competitive environment, where many factors provoke that I can only practice 4 hours a day, competing against the 12 hours practiced by a real fan. Sometimes I think about giving up and that everything I've tried is a failure.
R: 20


I've been having an incredibly difficult time finding friends in the past year. Outside of my relationship and my roommates, I don't really communicate too often with people because I have a hard time finding people I have things in common with or can learn from, share information, etc.

I'm always wanting to find a friendship that can be beneficial mutually, even if it's just making one another happier or providing a conversation, or exchanging information and knowledge, etc.

My issue is that since I don't drink or smoke (social suicide, it seems), and most of my interests revolve around technology and introvert stuff... I am having an incredibly hard time finding people to talk to.

Long long ago I used to go on /soc/ and find people to talk to on Skype, but since I've stopped using Skype and other programs, it's also limited my ability to communicate with people.

H-how do people do it?
R: 15

Radical changes

Tell me about a time you made a big change in your life. Did you drop out of college, or go back after many years, move to a different city or country? Why did you do it? What did you expect to happen? What actually happened?

I have many years of youth ahead of me, I'm graduating from college very soon, and I still don't know what to do with the rest of my life. I wonder if I just need something to kick my ass and make my life more interesting. But I can't tell to what extent this is just "the grass is always greener".
R: 22


Do anyone here keep a diary? If so, how far back does it go? Is it digital or physical? Do you have any interesting entries you'd be comfortable with sharing? (I personally don't...)

I've been journaling consistently for the last six months or so. It's not long enough to see any considerable change (which is actually kinda sad), but hopefully one day I can look at what I was thinking years ago and laugh a bit.

I use an app on my phone. I think I might switch to a physical diary because I think I'd enjoy looking at how my handwriting changes, but it's also quite convenient to have a diary everywhere I go.
R: 10

Little bit concerned i molested a guy on saturday night.

I approached him initially because he seemed shy, and I think he liked me at least at first because we talked for a while and he bought me a drink.

He asked if I wanted to dance at this club, and I was wayy drunker than I usually like to be. While we danced I pulled him close and kissed him a few times, but he didnt reciprocate and he never explicitly consented to me kissing him either.

While I was wasted I felt pretty good about it all, but now I'm sober I feel guilty and a little bit ashamed. It was just so loud and i felt so bulletproof.

And now he isnt returning my texts, which I guess makes sense.

Was I in the wrong + what should I do differently next time?
R: 10

keeping calm

How do you keep your cool through daily life?
I often let stress and worry control my life and it's not very enjoyable.
When that happens I try to meditate more.

What works for you when your mind starts getting out of control?
R: 9

I keep forgetting thread ideas...

I often have good thread ideas, however, I don't write them down and I forget them. Like 20 minutes ago or so I had an idea and I forgot it.

How often does that happen to you guys?
R: 8

Doing things

Hello lains!

For most of my life I've struggled going out and getting stuff done. On the rare occasions that I do, I find it hard to concentrate on continuing to do the task at hand. I could never get decent grades at school because of this, and with my first year of uni approaching I want to change my habits.

How do fellow lainons get soykaf done? + general concentration advice thread.
This is my first post here, go easy on me...
R: 5

anyone else get intense emotional pain when looking in the mirror?

i understand that becoming comfortable with your body is essential for a healthy mind state but i just can't get over the feelings of physical inadequacy.

tips for overcoming this?
R: 1

76chan /sp/ GET

>that feeling when you steal a get
You will never know it lol
R: 2

NEET/HIKKI Skype Group

Hello we're looking for people to talk to on Skype!

Come join us - join.skype.com/ohHoKOl77T2a
R: 5


Hello, /int/eresting people! You dont know me, but i need help. The fact is that I created my Anonym's imageboard. I need friends. Forgive me for the unexpected invasion. Now my board very small. The Internet is the only thing that makes me happy in this life. Life in my country is sad. Very sad. Angry people, dirty streets, high price and taxes - it's in the nature of things
. I just need friendship to make life better. I ask the admin not to delete it. If you agree to friendship, we can get links our sites in header/frameset/banners. I'll put the name under the spoiler so as not to disturb others. Sorry for my anglish. Maybe f-friends?
R: 48

Can we have a self improvement thread? Post things you aren't currently doing to better yourself.
I'll start:

>drink more water

>don't masturbate
>don't watch porn
>don't do drugs, drink or smoke
>eat healthier
>get up and go to bed early
>sit and stand up straight
>don't use social media
>read books
>don't play video games
>don't watch hollywood
>don't hit the snooze button and don't procrastinate
>think before talking
>be grateful
>accept when you are wrong and learn with different people
>avoid fiction books
>don't listen to mainstream music
>avoid nightclubs
>don't do mindless consumerism and think before buying
R: 18

Hey lains. I recently read a book centring on the dialogue of oxford fellows which made me realise something - my conversations (if you can even call them that) are worthless. At the risk of sounding like a bigot, no one I ever get to talk to irl seems capable of saying anything remotely enlightening. I have one moderately intelligent friend, but I still get nothing of substance from talking to them. I want to surround myself with people who can engage in discourse and learn from it. I can't afford university so I don't have any way of meeting groups of intellectuals. Despite hating mainstream education, I used to fantasise about being transferred to a school for the profoundly gifted (both for intellectual and superiority reasons) but obviously that didn't happen.

Also, I think my years of communicating in empty drivel has taken a toll on my conversational ability. I often get called rude for unwittingly neglecting social courtesies such as not saying 'how are you' after they said it, or not looking at / backing away from them as they are talking. If people ask me something like 'you alright?' or 'how was your day?' I can rarely even conjure up an answer, leading to them to, understandably, get offended and murmur under their breath or to their friend. I fear that if I was to meet someone interesting I wouldn't be able to talk to them and id seem to them like everyone I know seems to me.

TL;DR I'm smarter than everyone and I'm very bitter about it.
R: 3

Rager or comfy Tonight? Southern California/LA area

Who is in SoCal near LA area or Pomona and down for this comfy soykaf TONIGHT tho??




Links related
R: 0

fuarrrking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hellfucking hell
R: 3

Hi, I've been having this idea for a while. I wanted to collect stories of people who were raised by single parents, be it by choice of the mother or the father ducking out, hell, even those were loving parents were killed leaving the kid with just the mom or the dad.

I want to use these stories and through social media make people aware of the issues of single motherhood, especially when it's by choice. I was considering asking people to record themselves talking about their experiences so people can hear the hurt and anger that comes from knowing your mother kept your father away from you or just doesn't know who your father is or that your dad just walked out and make a youtube channel.

I know if I can help even one child not suffer from what I went through, then I think this project would be worth it.

Anyone interested in my project? Anyone here raised by a single mother and want to share or vent? I'm starting with a few chan sites to see if people are up for it.
R: 4

One life... Give us your best shot

I came to make a thread dedicated to the following simple though: if we live with no purpose then let's rock til the very end right ? Because of that I just ended "rocky" from "empty".

By your best shot I mean make your life (or at least the rest of it) brighter than a thousand suns.
R: 1

Relationships and going forward

I'm pretty sure the majority of people here follow their interest to at least some extent, similar to what I've done over the past few years, so I feel that this board is at least somewhat appropriate.

It has always been terribly hard to get really close friends; not because I'm asocial, but because I can’t develop any deep “connection” with them due to the sheer simplicity of the topics being discussed or the lack of unifying interests. It never really bothered me since I have always had a few “friends” (i.e. the kind you talk a lot with casually, but don’t share a lot in common). This way-of-being has worked pretty fine for as long as I can remember, since it doesn’t rely on social pressure through self-forced integration and gives one more time to focus on own interests.

This outlook changes greatly when considering relationships though. When I was 14 I told myself that it didn’t matter yet, with 16 I started programming and kind of lost the perspective, and with 18 it took hold of me again, sometimes going as far as to cry myself to sleep. I’m 24 now, and its bugging me nearly daily. It’s probably important to mention that I have aspergers; i.e. socializing takes longer and far less personal.

So now to the actual question; is it viable to keep on going, hoping that some sort of change will occur, or should one change their perspective on life, with a sharp focus on social needs, possible abandoning a highly specific hobby as a natural consequence?
R: 9

Can we have a self masturbation thread? Post things you aren't currently doing to worsen yourself.
I'll start:

>don't drink water

>watch porn
>do drugs, drink or smoke
>eat junk
>lie down and go to bed late
>sit and stand up hunched
>use social media
>don't read books
>play video games
>watch hollywood
>hit the snooze button and procrastinate
>think after talking
>be needy
>bitch when you are wrong and bash other people
>don't read books, remember?
>listen to mainstream music
>don't bother meditating
>do lots of nightclubs
>do mindless consumerism and think afer buying
R: 5

Why gives you the strength to get out of bed in the morning at a reasonable time if you do. I know for me at least its much easier to sleep. I can dream forever about how my gf is still with me, or how dead people are alive, most of all that im happy or things are getting better.

But except on weekends I get out of bed at 8-10 everyday, I know my reason but whats yours?
R: 1


What does lain do to keep on top of things? I get so overwhelmed with thoughts and ideas and tasks that I just end up paralyzing myself and doing absolutely nothing. Even if my one and only task for the day is to organize my tasks. My physical and digital notes are overflowing literally and figuratively respectively. Help.
R: 0

NEET/HIKKI Skype Group

ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ Come join us for a chat! 24/7 ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

We like the same things you like!

Vidya Manga Anime Movies Music

R: 127

Does anyone actually have a life outside of the internet?
R: 51

feely songs

post songs that make you feel.

High Hopes and The Final Cut(both the song and the album) both make me real sad. I've actually cried listening to High Hopes before, and I'm not the type that cries a lot. I just get thinking about how so much with the world is so incorrigably fuarrrked.
R: 16

Anyone /deadinside/? I feel like my personality has been erased. I don't have fears, dreams, hopes, things I like or dislike, people I love or hate, values, emotions. I'm empty.
The worst part is probably the lack of emotions.
Does anyone know how to overcome it?
R: 146

/uni/ feels

Checked the catalog and was surprised that I couldn't find one. General /uni/ feels thread. How are you guys doing with midterms?
R: 92

Happy Thoughts

Post images that make you feel good.

: )
R: 10

First time on the receiving end of gossip

Overheard some of my friends (?) gossiping about me today for the first time ever - before if people have beef with me they would just insult me to my face.

They were complaining that I "overshare" about my personal life, which is probably true. I'm a very boring person aside from my active personal life so I guess I don't have much else to talk about. Even if their complaints are accurate though, it still feels bad man.

: (
R: 11

Hey, I had a rough week and I'm sure most of you had one too.

Let's share some good /feels/ music

R: 90

A new year is coming

Do you remember something good that happened to you in this year?

I made a friend.
R: 56


Picture very much related.
This is a thread for new friends. Too many people on this board are complaining about their lack of positive social interactions.

So in this thread talk about what you like doing, what you're looking for in a friend and how you'd like your new BFF to contact you.

> What are your interests / goals / skills ?

> What are you looking to learn / gain / do with a new friend ?

> How can your new friend contact you ?

I don't know if this is a /feels/ appropriate or if it's breaking an imageboard "taboo", but everyone on lainchan seems cool and unfortunately it seems like a lot of us are also lonely, even though ( I think this is a fair assumption ) we probably all have a lot in common.

One reply per post, if you reply to someone's post it's your obligation to contact them.
R: 31

guys, im in love

it is truly a buetiful feeling.
R: 101

Post greentext stories, whether they are happy or sad, awkward or cool. Whatever you want.
R: 40

There's a sad vibe in all imageboards.
In all the music I listen.
In all the things I think, write, do...
Do I enjoy being sad? Do people on the internet enjoy being sad? Is it just a trait that most imageboard's autists have, being melancholic?
R: 22

this is just something interesting i was thinking about. Do you think anyone can be saved or save themselves, or fix their issues or get better? Or do you tend to believe people are stuck with their flaws and traits? If someone has attatchment issues or anti social can they change that from within? Can they change it with help?

i just was realizing I never thought about it till i wanted to really change myself on the inside, and then i realized i never thought i could before. Id say soykaf like oh you cant help someone who cant help themselves and shiy but it didnt really have much meaning to me even though i thought it did. think about some terrible character trait of yours, maybe even one that at the moment you have no reason to change and youce just accepted is a part of you, could you change it?
R: 298

Vent/Thoughts thread

The last one reached bump limit, so why not?

I'll start with a minor sad thing. It stormed for most of last week, and after a few days I realized I no longer enjoyed the sound of falling rain. It used to make me really comfy, but for some reason that feeling is gone.
R: 32

I really like SEL
It's been a long time since I was here
I was browsing the catalog and I felt... a little sad :c

And I felt like meeting new people, so
I'm thinking about leaving my skype (I know that for some people Skype is very personal, but, anyway) charlie8_6. (I'm a nice guy)
We could be friends or just talk, I'm thinking about a cyberpunk related group.
But also
In this thread we could talk about everything that is happening to the imageboards, nostalgia, what do you do to keep this fun "wired" feeling?
"Kalyx sold lainchan" what does that mean, how does it affect us?
What are some of your nice/interesting stories on online communities?
What's on your mind, lainanon?
R: 8


Lately, I've become increasingly uninterested in sustaining and/or improving myself at all.

Throughout the last year, I have gone from being the strongest person around me by far, to the weakest person around me by far. In a way, I feel shadowed by my past personality, one that was filled with passion, drive, and relentlessness, and wonder what the me then would say to the me now.

Every day, I spend 10-12 hours sleeping, 8-10 hours half-assedly on the computer, and the rest lying down staring out the window or at the ceiling. To some this would seem like a fine life, but nearly everything is missing any semblance of interest or passion.

I think about all my hobbies, pursuits, and crafts I've invested my life into, and I see no reason to continue them or do anything new. It's as if, for the first time, I really understand on a fundamental level, that the ego, the desire for self-preservation, is just a program that people give power by choosing to believe in it. Looking back, It was something I certainly believed in throughout my life, up until recent, that there was some sort of intrinsic value in doing things for the sake of (improving/helping/sustaining) oneself.

Looking back, almost every good thing I've done in my life was followed by pain and disappointment. Every accomplishment, success, progression, and triumph that others envied of me was another lesson that hard work and great rewards are ultimately unsatisfying.

Every ounce of intelligence in my body looks at the evidence, all the experiences and history stored in my mental catalog, and says that self-preservation and improvement is an illogical and counter-intuitive mission. The motives that compelled me for my entire life are crumbling, because I never before questioned why I should care about myself. In the past, I always instinctively knew it 'made sense' to do good for oneself, because I subconsciously believed it so.

I have worded every aforementioned sentence as carefully and honestly as I can. I don't want to drown in emptiness, I'm just asking for help from anyone who may have felt they've been in a similar place.

I don't know how things got this way, from so so so high to so low. Many aspects of my life are in decline and I want to learn to care about myself again before it's too late. Thank you dearly to anyone reading this. I appreciate your attention
R: 5


I'm tired of clinging onto hope. No matter what I do, I don't seem to be going anywhere. Some irony here: I've been so risk averse because I didn't want to cut my chances short (i.e., I'm not explicitly trying to get myself killed or sick), so if I was going to go it'd be at the mercy of nature. With how I've been feeling physically lately and coughing blood I might get mine yet. Maybe I'll die from an aneurysm or something.
R: 18

i'm sorry

Am I a bad person lainchan? I've wanted to get this off of my chest for a while and for some reason this place feels like the best. All of this happened about 3 months ago and it seems like it's over now. (I've changed all actual names for obvious reasons). I've never posted on a board before so sorry if this needs to be removed or reposted somewhere else.
I had a friend named Robert who I had known for 5/6 years at that point, he started to date a girl named Beth. Beth was a really nice girl who meshed with our friend group really well at the time. Eventually Beth and I started to talk more and more becoming pretty good friends. One night I was having a party with Beth and some other friends, Beth and I pull away from the main party and talk about stuff in my room. She started to talk about her kinks with choking and that kind of stuff. She takes my hands and wraps them around her neck and shows me how to choke someone. Both of us knew that something sexual was happening. When I was taking everyone home I made sure she was the last one I took home so we could be in private for a little bit. We made out and it lead to stuff getting a little sexual.
Fast-forward a month and Beth and I are having a full blown secret relationship behind Robert. We would go on dates and do cutesy stuff like that. It seemed like the only good thing that was happening to me at the time. I was in the height of my depression, so having someone to talk to regularly about it seemed like it was helping. But I realized after a while that she was one of the main reasons for my depression. I felt like I was being used for sex and money and food. I told her about these feelings and she said that I was being stupid and ridiculous and that I should just not be depressed. She only wanted to talk and see me when I wasn't feeling down.
I started to talk to a girl named Abby, I met her through Beth and she was really nice. Abby and I started to get closer emotionally, I talked more and more to Abby and less to Beth. Robert started to get more and more skeptical of me and Beth around this time and was catching up to us. I talked with Robert and made up some bullsoykaf lie about me and Beth only kissing and it being a one time thing. The only 2 persons I've told about Beth and I up to this point is my step-sister and my friend Nathan. I started to date Abby and I cut all relations with Beth, I stopped talking to her completely and wanted her out of my life. Robert somehow believed our lies and wanted nothing to do with me.
One night Robert talks to Nathan acting like he knew exactly what happened between Beth and I. Eventually Robert gets Nathan to spill the beans and tell him about our sexual relations. That was the night that everything was out of the bag. I expected to be outed by everyone around me and left out. But the opposite happened, Beth was looked down on, Beth tried to do damage control but failed after trying to cover things up instead of telling the truth. Amazingly Abby and I are still together and are coming up on 7 months together soon. I haven't talked to Beth or Robert since that day. Almost everyday I think about what I did and how I ruined a relationship and alot of friendships in just a couple month period. I don't know what to think about myself since then. I think I'm just a truly terrible person and don't deserve to be alive after that.
I'll be around to answer any questions you might have, I did a pretty bad job on explaining everything that's happened. What do you think lainons, am I a despicable person?
R: 104

TFW there's literally nowhere you belong

So I'm a 90s-born young white male who grew up with vidya, porn, and anime and who works in IT now, with parents whose politically leftist/liberal influence led me to soak up ideals of porn culture under the guise of "sexual liberation" for all my childhood and teenage years (although they themselves wouldn't support porn -- I always just thought "well they're too old and don't get it, this is the *new* liberal stuff").

Then some three years ago I met classical, second-wave feminism for the first time (also called radical feminism although that term scares people off and makes them assume wrong things), and it gave me the most logical, clear, and sensible explanation of the world around me, especially since I'm effeminate on the inside and a sensitive boy. (I'm 23 but calling myself a boy feels more appropriate, even though I have a beard. Boku wa...) It includes / is sisters with critiques of capitalism, imperialism, colonialism, racism, and so on (see for instance Deep Green Resistance, where all these are combined) and all of this is basically like my "religion" at this point, although rooted in materialism not spirituality.

From about 17 to 22 I would visit 4chan's anime community and feel somewhat at home there. Ultimately I quit because of the raging sexism.

Similarly, for the past 5 years or so I would also spend almost every day in an IRC channel that I grew extremely fond of and where I felt like home (much more so than on 4chan), which in fact also nudged me towards sensible feminism in the first place more or less... But it seems I've gotten too radical. Being a techie IRC channel, it contains almost only men, and probably more MtF transsexuals than women. Criticizing porn and prostitution was difficult enough, and the other day I was once again treated massively derisively by some of the bigger names in the channel for opposing the transgender movement's attack on women's liberation. I'm not exactly bad at expressing myself I believe, but the clash of genderism and women's liberation is a topic that includes a particularly powerful mixture of mind-fuarrrkery, and it seemed like nobody actually got my perspective in the first place, yet they felt it right to dismiss me as crazy and be all holier than thou. So ultimately I quit the one place I would call home also.

Now I feel a vacuum. Literally no place to go and chill with people. Not even a fuarrrking IRC channel, or a retarded anonymous imageboard, which were the best things I had. Venting at Lainchan came to mind, because this is the least bad chan I've ever known. I'm not a regular, and I doubt that there's anyone here with a similar life experience to mine, but I needed SOME place to vent, so here it goes.

I think that's all. I'm too chicken to actually seek up an ultra-radical group like Deep Green Resistance or an underground criminal version of it, I'm male so I can only be a sideline ally to women's liberation communities and not a member, my interactions with people in real life such as with family or coworkers is totally stunted because of my eccentric inner world, and other than hoping to maybe find a new home on the Web, I'm now just seeking out a girlfriend to perhaps be the one person I feel at home with. Never had a partner before, been longing for a while, maybe it'll change my life.

Also, a young cat I loved deeply died recently and I think that's still silently killing me on the inside. Just as an aside.

That's all. I just spilled my guts out and killed some time. Who knows what'll happen next.
R: 24

Uploading yourself to a computer?

Would you upload your mind to a computer?
Would you join the singularity?

I personally would upload myself to a computer, but I would never join a singularity. I would also probably just reupload myself into another body and hopefully have that kind of semi immortality.
R: 26

new perspective

I've been studying Buddhist and Epicurean philosophy lately and I've been so much happier and content with everything. I'm starting to detach myself from material desires and I feel at peace. I don't think I've felt anger that lasted more than 30 seconds in the past month, I just have a strong desire to spread goodwill now.

Anyone else have their perspective in life take a turn for the better?
R: 46

doing nothing all day

anyone else /doingnothingallday/?

im so addicted to image boards I lurk and post on them all day and keep several tabs open of threads. I can feel myself falling even harder into my depression but reading about other sacks of soykaf on these makes me feel even fuarrrking worse yet im addicted to this soykaf
R: 7

Hey lainons, I've been put into this stupid situation and I am just curious to hear some other people's ideas/thoughts..

I went to high school with this dude, was kinda cool with him back then, but he got into heroin/did a bunch of soykafty things, went to jail for awhile, and is now out on parole..

He moved to the city I live in recently and then texted me randomly tonight (not having talked in years) asking if he could get clean piss from me because he broke parole for "smoking weed", and that he needs it tonight or he's likely to go back to jail for parole violation.

My piss is clean because I'm straightedge, I don't trust this dude at all and don't really want to see him, but I definitely don't want to see another drug addict end up in jail.

What would you do? What should I do? I'm pissed I even received that text and have been put into this situation, annoying as fuarrrk.
R: 83

Hermit Life/Best Life

Does anyone here feel like being a shut-in or hermit is the best decision they've made? Other than going to work and a grocery store, I haven't seen another human in three months. It's wonderful.

Anyone have any hermit feels to share?
R: 9

For the past years I've built my life around lies to hide my total dissatisfaction with anything. I have not ambitions or anything and feel dead inside. I've stoped creating new lies the last two years but it was hard to come clean of the lies of the past. I'm on my way to start coming clean to my close people and dissapoint many of them, and I really love them. I will lose a lot probably but I may find myself and start anew. Wish me luck lainons and have some empathy for a lost soul. We are all worth of reality and satisfaction.
R: 21

>be me
>have an essay due today when school starts
> i can't into essay writing
> my grades are soykaf already(its the first week of the semester)
> i fantascise about commiting suicide over my grades, everyday
>but im too much of a bitch to do it irl

so how are you doing lains?
R: 14

Suicidal friends/Saving grace

I'm sure there's already a thread for this, but I want to go in a slightly different direction. Have any of you lains talked anyone out of suicide? I've had to do it twice now, and I dread waking up to "x hanged himself, his funeral is in two days." Is this just me? Are my friends just particularly suicidal or is this a normal thing?
R: 9

Another month another failed semester.
jammit I used to be so productive in my work, now I have zero drive to get anything that really matters done and it's F after F. How the hell do I shift myself back into gear?
R: 30

a thread for people who's lives are the best they've ever been

what is up soykaf munchers.

This is a thread exclusively for cheery chappies to pat each other on the dick for being great. So leave that depressing soykaf at the fuarrrking door son,
>"boo hoo I don't have any friends"

lets hear it you filthy sluts, why do your farts smell great, what is happening in your life that makes it blindingly excellent.

I'll start

>top marks at uni

>everyone likes me at work
>starting a placement tomorrow
>happier and more confident than I have ever been in my life