Well, no. I used to be, though. I don't want to invalidate any of your feelings, but just try to describe the way my thought process has changed.
I think first of all, it's worth considering what 'gratification' means to you. Does it mean sitting in a comfy chair and basking in your own success and self-righteousness? Probably not.
Happiness isn't something that you need to be self-aware of. Nor is it something comparative, regardless of anything around you, happiness, enjoyment, and even fulfillment are all emotions in yourself. You might be able to learn to coax them out. It doesn't matter your status, what you have or do not have, what you've done or not done.>>10119
I think this is true to an extent. To overcome this, one needs to learn to live for themselves, and see the interaction with or praise by others as a possible bonus. I genuinely think reading Stirner helped me with this. Consider, if you still have any hint of desire left within you, what life you would like to live, and choose to fight for that life to make yours worth living. Sometimes a goal is enough to keep one going and fulfilled.
Lastly, consider what does, or potentially would make you happy were it to happen. Sometimes it's little things. Sometimes It's really little things. The image in >>10100
makes me smile because it's cute. The image in OP's post actually made me smile because I just thought of Reimu climbing a rooftop for fun, something I like to do.
Even if this is deeply rooted and hard to overcome, you need to first decide that you want to overcome this. Even if you think you don't, or that you can't, the possibility of success if you do overcome it will be worth the diversion from your conventional attitude.
I really hope I can help a little. Best of luck to all of you, I hope you get through this. You're all strong and unique people, you can do it.