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lainchan archive - /feels/ - 10099



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No.10099

Anybody else experience extreme levels of anhedonia?
I've been like this for the longest time and it's killing me.
No matter how many positive things happen to me (which is rarely), I can't feel any gratification.
It's like I'm in a permanent state of gloominess.

  No.10100

File: 1486561872820.png (480.63 KB, 200x200, 1481899490741.png)

>Anybody else experience extreme levels of anhedonia?
This is basically my life I find very few things make me feel gratified. Like I tried going on vacation a few times and it just feels like a waste of money and time to me. Like my friends/family think I'm fine. But 95% of the time I just put on a fa├žade and say I'm fine. Feels kinda odd desu~

  No.10101

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i'm in the same place. i feel like the way out requires some huge internal change that i'm not yet ready/able to make.
people always recommend meditation. it hasn't really helped me so far, but, to be fair, i haven't been trying very hard.

  No.10115

I have been clinically diagnosed with just such a condition. I try to take note of the good things that happen, but when compounded by a host of other mental illnesses, it is extremely difficult. I keep hoping things will get better but I've more or less resolved to find ways to cope with it for the time being.

  No.10116

I'm clinically diagnosed with severe depression and have anhedonia. I'm just glad I'm not numb.

  No.10119

im not a psychologist so im just spouting anecdotal bullsoykaf but I think the internal cause is low self worth. I notice im never happy with the things i accomplish unless someone else acknowledges them, and I also dont have fun unless other people are having fun. when I had no one near me I thought it was just because I was depressed and incapable. But ive made and lost friends this past year and the only times ive been happy is when other people i respect were happy as a result of something I did. Im entirely reliant on other peoples perception of me because i dont love myself. If i can find a way to love myself maybe I can be happy.

  No.10120

>>10119
please let me hug you and hold you, dear Lain. I understand this way too intimately... it is hard and truthfully I feel a little better whenever I watch SELain. I wonder if there are people out there for guys like us. Truly there must be an end to this solitude?

  No.10121

>>10099

Well, no. I used to be, though. I don't want to invalidate any of your feelings, but just try to describe the way my thought process has changed.

I think first of all, it's worth considering what 'gratification' means to you. Does it mean sitting in a comfy chair and basking in your own success and self-righteousness? Probably not.

Happiness isn't something that you need to be self-aware of. Nor is it something comparative, regardless of anything around you, happiness, enjoyment, and even fulfillment are all emotions in yourself. You might be able to learn to coax them out. It doesn't matter your status, what you have or do not have, what you've done or not done.

>>10119

I think this is true to an extent. To overcome this, one needs to learn to live for themselves, and see the interaction with or praise by others as a possible bonus. I genuinely think reading Stirner helped me with this. Consider, if you still have any hint of desire left within you, what life you would like to live, and choose to fight for that life to make yours worth living. Sometimes a goal is enough to keep one going and fulfilled.

Lastly, consider what does, or potentially would make you happy were it to happen. Sometimes it's little things. Sometimes It's really little things. The image in >>10100 makes me smile because it's cute. The image in OP's post actually made me smile because I just thought of Reimu climbing a rooftop for fun, something I like to do.

Even if this is deeply rooted and hard to overcome, you need to first decide that you want to overcome this. Even if you think you don't, or that you can't, the possibility of success if you do overcome it will be worth the diversion from your conventional attitude.

I really hope I can help a little. Best of luck to all of you, I hope you get through this. You're all strong and unique people, you can do it.

  No.10130

My reward system is completely messed up. I cant feel satisfaction or drive of any kind at all.
I cannot even get myself up to pick a game to play or a movie to watch.
Forget about getting any work of any kind done.

  No.10133

>>10119
I acknowledge the fact that we,as humans,can't go through this life alone if we want happiness and fulfillment but the thought of needing someone frightens me a lot.

  No.10135

I described this in a recent thread and was told such a condition was impossible but I neglected to name it. I was told I just needed to "try new things" I did name it and posted some basic links and suddenly the discussion changed oddly enough.

>>10119
>but I think the internal cause is low self worth. I notice im never happy with the things i accomplish unless someone else acknowledges them, and I also dont have fun unless other people are having fun
There's a link there but I find other people's creations less and less interesting too. I spent the last three days watching Trailer Park Boys with an imaginary friend because it still makes me laugh.

Imaginary friends because no real person wants to hang out with someone who is incapable of being impressed by anything. I saw an article about a dating app that connects people based on hates rather than dislikes... but even hating thinhs requires giving a damn or wishing things were different. I just don't care anymore though this wasn't always the case.

  No.10140

So many relatable thoughts in this thread

  No.10142

>>10121
Its difficult because the life I would most like to live is with somebody i love and who loves me. but I wont find somebody that i respect who also respects me till i can respect myself; and in order to do this I think your right I need a self driven desire. so i need to shift what I want in life. im actively trying to find things to live for, things that arent unreliable or come from within. Drawing seems to best for this, i dont get much enjoyment but when im able to express myself through art it brings me relief. my goal is to get so good, i hardly need any words to communicate. So i can put someone where i am mentally with just a drawing because sometimes i feel like my words are so cheap.

but its hard to balance this a bit while also studying computer science and trying to keep in contact with the friends i have left. I worry about becoming so in my head i lose all my friends and am once again alone, and when i desire to make friends again its too difficult. i got lucky this time, i had people to pull me out and help me meet people. I cant guarantee that happening again. its one of my biggest insecurities i think, until i meet someone i really connect with on my own it wont be cleared. the people i meet are not people i connect with emotionally, the people i connect with emotionally came to me or i was introduced to and they werent the people i would naturally be drawn to. when i think of the experiences i had with people and how easy it would have been to never have them and then i think of how many people i pass by but never talk to, it terrifies me.

  No.10156

THE LONELIEST LIFE IS THE LIFE LIVED WITHOUT TRUST IN ANYONE. WITHOUT TRUST, YOU ARE ALONE. TRUST IN SOMEONE-- ANYONE! IT IS THE ONLY ANSWER.

I love you Lain

  No.10158

>>10156
i did that and i was happy but the trust was broken. i think the most important person to have trust in is yourself, you dont need to always trust someone else. I dont mean trust no one just the person you should reserve the most trust in is yourself.

  No.10168

>>10142
>but I wont find somebody that i respect who also respects me till i can respect myself

This is an oft repeated proverb which I don't swallow. You can have self esteem / respect problems and still find someone who accepts you and your flaws.

  No.10170

>>10168
yeah you can but they arent the people i respect too is the issue. the sort of people i really like i guess are the ones who dont have time to deal with somebody like that. or at least not to the extreme i am.

i have people that respect me but they always seem more messed up than i am, i cant look to them for any help or guidance or have a deep emotional connection.

  No.10171

>>10170
People like you and I are like the starless Sneetches. We can stand on the fringes in the shadows and wish the Sneetches with stars would invite us to the campfire or we can start our own. That's the part I never understood at the beginning of the story, why didn't they do that in the first places.

You're setting yourself up for permanent loneliness in my opinion.

  No.10174

>>10171
but i guess you could say i was invited once and then was kicked out. or several times even. it was always when i lost myself in the other person because i didnt value myself enough. and the stuff they liked me for i lost.

but i dont think your wrong either. even then though you still need to love yourself enough to let it shine through so other people can follow or you can be on your own enough to make that decision to build a campfire i feel like.