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No.10161

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/personality-disorders/symptoms-causes/dxc-20247656

Are there any lainons that think that they have it or have been diagnosed with it?

>Too sensitive to criticism or rejection

I get so torn over any criticism, even if it's obviously just a joke. I even feel terrible when someone insults me over the internet. I just can't take at all.
>Feeling inadequate, inferior or unattractive
I feel horribly ugly despite getting compliments on my hair and clothing quite often. I often can't stand looking at mirrors or windows because I fear my reflection. I have no idea how to deal with compliments. I usually don't even realize that someone was trying to compliment me, and when I do I'll either deflect on instinct or just lie and say "thanks". I also feel really dumb most of the time, but that's probably true, honestly.
>Avoidance of work activities that require interpersonal contact
I'm a delivery driver, so I don't get too much serious social contact, but I still agonize over the simple "how are you today" and "have a nice day!". I have to fight tears in the car sometimes because I just know that whoever I just delivered to must be disgusted at how much of an awkward and careless human being I must seem to be. Not to mention that I try to avoid talking to my co-workers as much as possible.

I've also skipping classes lately because of this fear, especially the ones where I don't know anyone. I feel like I'm being stared at by everyone, being laughed at. I can't stand it. I can't even concentrate. I just sit in the back and try to hide my weeping until class ends and have a breakdown in my car.
>Socially inhibited, timid and isolated,
It takes me several months to a year to be comfortable enough to talk freely to a new friend. If and when I do finally reach the point, I eventually get convinced that they hate me and only interact with me out of obligation or pity. An interesting outcome to this is that all my friends are quite extroverted and caring, though, since they're the only once who can stick with me long enough.
>avoiding new activities or meeting strangers
I used to join clubs and soykaf, but I'd always deeply regret joining and ultimately leave because I never felt like I fit it. I always believed that my peers made fun of me for being inadequate behind my back. "Lainon's such a bad athlete, lainon's such a bad speaker, what a loser, he's so quite" they must've said/thought. Leadership roles also scare me greatly, even if it's something as little as giving someone advice. My parents would make fun of me for being too much of a follower during my childhood.
>Extreme shyness in social situations and personal relationships
I can't imagine being in any kind of intimate relationship. I just can't. It seems like torture to me and I can't see why anyone would want such a commitment. Even saying things like "thank you" and just being nice in general is often really scary to me.
>Fear of disapproval, embarrassment or ridicule
It's all I think of. Anxiety plagues me every day whether I'm with people or alone.

It's apparently a rare personally disorder, but I bet that's just because people with avoidant personality disorder don't seem like the kind of people to accept help, and that's kinda the struggle that I've having right now. I don't think that I deserve the "luxury" of acknowledging this disorder. There are people who are starving, who are beaten every day, who have much bigger problems than I do. I have no right to complain about "muh shyness."

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. This is probably better than talking to an imaginary friend, which is what I've been doing lately.

  No.10162

I dislike this current culture where having character is seen as a disease or disorder. If you're outside the accepted normal limits of "outsiderness", you are said to have a problem, it must be a disease, and therapy and medication are the cure.

Lainon, you have character. You have things that make you, you. Stop trying to make yourself summed up in medical terms, that's quite lame and dull. You don't have a disorder.

Did you know it's a disease if you oppose authority? I was diagnosed with this in middle school: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oppositional_defiant_disorder.

  No.10163

>>10162
I forgot to point out another idiocy in your post; the fact that because you have your physiological needs satisfied and others don't, your need (or self-perceived need/problem) is somehow less important or trivial. Once the basic human needs are satisfied (food, shelter, safety etc) other needs take precedence; you evolve. A la https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs#Hierarchy

  No.10164

>>10162
you have a point. Psychology is such a silly science. We know so little about the human brain that most of it just seems to be made-up labeling. I think that something should only be a disorder if it actually starts to affect your life negatively.

but I do wish to be more normal. And my way of thinking has been affecting my life more and more as the years go by.

>>10163
another good point.

thanks for replying, anon. I really appreciate it.

  No.10183

I'm quite sure I have it but am self-diagnosed. The main thing to me is that I crave companionship, fantasize about idealised friendships everyday, yet still avoid most events which would cause me to meet people because the process of meeting new people is generally horrible (anxiety kills me). I tend to always think of a line of reasoning for each different situation like "this isnt a good opportunity to meet people because X". I imagine idealised situations e.g. where a distant friend would suddenly show that they really care about me and help me break out, hold my hand so to speak, but they are too unlikely so i'm a lost cause. I'm not sure if people never cared about me, or years of my distancing behaviour caused them to forget about me, but I suppose it's irrelevant now as everybody is gone. I always just wanted one friend that really cared about me and vice versa but I never even achieved that.

It's amusing/absurd to me that in order to be diagnosed I would have to not have it so severely, as the same symptoms cause me to avoid the process, yet self-diagnosis is seen to be bullsoykaf and most would assume I'm wrong. It doesn't really make any difference to me in any case; I don't care about the label and see little purpose in it.

I agree with the other poster that mental illness often isn't even a real thing. Personality disorders are literally saying "you have a personality with some of these characteristics". Everyone has some behaviours that can be... detrimental in ways.

OP, at least you can hold a job

  No.10187

I pretty much got it for sure, altough i never was diagnosed with anything.
I got all of that stuff above, though i cant come up with any interesting specifics.
Needless to say my life is totally fuarrrked up.

  No.10217

>>10183
Hi lain, I think I'm in the same boat as you. I haven't seen any of my friends for years because I isolated myself. I didn't speak to people all the way through school and now I'm doing the same thing in college. I feel like I'm missing out but I don't know how other people make friends. Maybe we could help each other.

We could talk on Tox
97488A38A3CACBC0D76975063869982E88CD3F794BC07859B92BC5027928014D75F0A9262BE5

or something else if you prefer.

  No.10220

Yep, I've got those symptoms. I'm trying to just stop giving a soykaf about everything, but it's tough.

  No.10230

Though I haven't been diagnosed with it (or any disorder for that matter), every single point hits home hard.

But reading this post made me realize one thing. For the past 5 years I've done my best to avoid any social contact imaginable. Literally the only reason I go out the door is to survive (work and food). I simply cannot remember the last time I "went out with friends" or whatever it's called. At work I specifically try to do everything by myself so I have as little contact with my coworkers as possible, even if it means fuarrrking up a little bit later on a project.

While I am constantly sad, I'm starting to realize I don't want things to change and they're not going to change. I'm going to be 20 soon and I feel like I'm wasting "my golden years" or whatever, but I guess that's just how it is.

  No.10241

>>10230
20 is quite young. There's a significant chance that you'll change your perspective and regret your behaviour in a few years. My enjoyment of solitude has gradually decreased as I get less satisfaction from consuming media/browsing online on its own.
My own conclusions have come to that there's nothing I can forcefully do to change (or at least this causes too much stress like the "wasting my golden years" pressure, lowering my quality of life, so I try to enjoy the present without yearning for change in a buddhist way), but if some good opportunities happen to present themselves then you may as well try to take them up. Maybe i'd carefully try to talk a little with coworkers to feel out if any of them are nice people to talk more with, although don't be too friendly with any assholes as they'll then be annoying you at work forever.

  No.10450

I'd probably fall pretty perfectly on schizoid, which I'd be rather fine with, however, it's kind of annoying that no one seems to be capable of understanding the sentiments and situations that come with a disorder like that on almost any level, since there are these preconcieved expectations of sociability, belonging and kinship that are just completely foreign to a person who is close to being a schizoid, so the possibiltiy of understanding and being empathic with them is rather impossible for most people, which wouldn't be an issue if most people worked mostly on a rational level instead of emotional one, but that's not the case, so the most important aspect of understanding such a person is not possible for most of the people you'll ever see.