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lainchan archive - /feels/ - 10581

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Here's the gist of my past year, in greentext to expedite reading.

>have a decent job that I suck at

>have about 3 "friends" that I talk to fairly regularly
>we don't physically meet up but play video games often
>when occasional meet ups do happen I don't go because I don't enjoy being outside
>we plan one meet up where we're all going to see a live event, myself included
>one of us bails to see the event on another day with his new gf
>I bail after realizing the event will take place in the evening and I don't want to be in the city at night
>one "friend" just blanks me completely after this and doesn't return messages at all
>the other two stay in touch but it's few and far between (I'm talking weeks between messages)
>quit my job because I'll get fired eventually for sucking at aforementioned job and want to leave on better terms
>also because I'm depressed as soykaf
>for the next 8 or 9 months I'm basically left to rot
>can't find a job at all
>worst year I've had in a long while
>recently the guy who blanked me starts a new group chat with everyone in it
>everyone starts talking and plays games as though the massive gap never happened

I haven't said anything yet and no-one has specifically mentioned me yet.
I'm not sure if I should even say anything.
I figured they had cut me out of the social circle or something but if that was the case why add me to the group chat in the first place?

I don't want to talk to these people or play games with them seeing as how I'm basically an afterthought.
I've got nothing else going on in my life though.

My choices are:
Ignore them and just tough it out till I find a job and become friends with my new coworkers?
Talk with them again as though everything is fine?
Talk with them again but only till I get in a better place myself then drop them?


That's sad lainanon. I hope things work out for you. You are at a tough spot and I seriously can't decide what advice to give. Maybe just do what feels right.
Good Luck.


perhaps you are as much of a "friend" to them as they are to you


True, I'm not a very good friend due to my own flaws but I did try to be.
I can at least safely say that if I saw one of them in my position I sure as soykaf wouldn't ditch them.


The thing about "depressed but trying hard to be good friends" like yourself is that you will overthink everything, especially that you have all the time in the world for that now. Most people don't care about these crystalized abstractions about friendship, or think of it as connections (wires/chains) between people. Friendship also cannot be forced out of pity or any interest, but it can be faked. I'd say it is as simple as "walk along, or don't".
In case you want to take (part in) the stuff these people have to offer (gaming and chitchat but now with some prejudice, and no dependability) then you should indeed talk. If you want Best Friends Ever like you saw in those movies, series, anime, or books, they are probably not the people you are looking for - not that you'll just bump into those people anywhere else anyway.


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Speaking of social advice how do you move from "work/uni friends" to just friends.

I've always felt awkward mixing social groups but now I've become so good at compartmentalising my life I don't have any normal friends. I just know people from places. No one asks me to go anywhere which leads me to believe they just don't like me that much but maybe I'm being too reserved and they don't invite me because I'm too stand-offish. And I can't ask them to go anywhere because I don't go out or know anywhere to go. How do I break the cycle of permanent colleague.


This may sound stupid, but is there any guide or so how to be social?
I understand there is no fixed scheme for that but something that might give people who are totally lost some sort of framework to think in would be helpful.
Just asking for some literature recommendations.


The traditional answer is Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People".


Thank you for your reply, however i already read that, while im sure its of great use i was looking for something more strucutred.
As in how relationships and the like work.
Again this sounds confusing im sure but im not entirely sure what it is that i look for myself.


File: 1488925458864.png (654.1 KB, 232x300, The well-cultured anonymous.pdf)

This might have something your looking for.


Pure gold, thanks lainon.


Through weird coincidence met a guy who seems to be cool, i try to be friends with him but all the contact i have is trough (shrugs) whatsapp, yet im confused on how to do it from a social point.
I havent had friends in 10 years, forget about anything even close to a real social life before that.
I dont know what to say, what to talk about, if im too clingy or too distant.
He seems to be not much set on internet chat and im not sure how to casually chat from person to person without seeming desperate or shallow or annoying.
Yet this is my one big chance of making a worthwhile friend and i dont want to fuarrrk it up.
I have no idea how to function in the real world beyond some abstract mental models.
This is scaring the soykaf out of me, i know already hes a nice person who could understand im fuarrrked up, yet my anxeity wont go away and i feel like i am too challenged to function in reality.


fear is the mind killer