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lainchan archive - /feels/ - 10737

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Well, I don't know what to do with my life anymore. This isn't where I want to be. I've come to the clean conclusion that I'll never be able to accomplish my dreams. I gave up a long time ago because someone like me is incapable of holding potential. Even everyone around me has lost faith in my path towards success. I don't have friends, those who you're supposed to rely on when times turn dire. To make matters worse, it's all my fault because I thought I could live without relying on others. That I could live by myself without trouble. But this made me realize what a foul person I am on the inside and outside. There have been endless trials of attempts to improve myself but it's gotten nowhere. Made me want to call it quits even more. There's nothing I can do anymore to better the situation. I dislike myself and I resent those who have mistreated me endlessly. There's nobody I can trust. I'm so pathetic, today I had a mini hissy fit in the restroom. I lunged everything towards the wall. My parents came running towards the door to make certain I was fine which made me feel like a burden to everyone I have left who cares about me just a little. I am done existing. I'll never be of use to anyone or this world. Don't understand why I was born in the first place to end up consuming oxygen for those who are far more productive/valuable. You all probably read similar summaries like this before, and I'll just end up being forgotten.



Hey anon. Try not to be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you're relatively long. No one has their soykaf figured out when they are young -- no one. A lot can happen in just a few years.


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>I've come to the clean conclusion
Coming to clean conclusions (or any conclusion at all) is a dead end. Human life is all about trying to, but not coming to conclusions, as they always break (sometimes they break you first).

>it's all my fault because I thought I could live without relying on others.

>I've been a fool to myself / I thought that I could / live for no one else
I'm starting to think you just internalized what you consumed, especially since you chose that one picture.

The rest of your post just seems to be more of the assumption-abstraction-conclusion spaghetti. I'm not saying this offensively, it's just that the core of your problem seems to be not you, your various qualities, situation, past or your environment, but your thoughts about all of those. The act of thinking has become this rogue piece of code that just overwrites everything with a single sentence (the conclusion). I'm pretty sure that if you just stopped thinking about yourself (or reflecting on things in general), you would be fine quite swiftly.
You can't stop thinking by thinking of a way or solution that would help/allow you to stop; there is no conclusion to be made, It' more like a how-to, a step-by-step guide. You don't figure out how or why the guide works, you just follow the simple steps and that's it.

People instinctively try to think themselves through everything in life, seeing that thinking and reflection often gets you a better job, helps you win the war/game/match, avoid trouble, be level-headed and look cool. It seems that thinking first and doing second is the smart choice!
But here you are, and all of you overthinking doesn't seem to produce a working model of reality. You don't see what is coming, can't handle the emotions or situations when they arrive. So what's the point of thinking so much about it, when it doesn't work? You should simply stop. Instead of coming to the dogmatic and arbitrary conclusion of "I suck" whenever you start using your brain, just take a bath in sensory data. You see hues, textures, shapes; you hear sounds, feel heat and texture and moisture; you sense motion, pressure, etc. These things exist. Things that you cannot sense with your sensory organs do not exist; they are just ideas -about- these sensory experiences. It's not chemicals in your brain producing an image/illusion, but "brain" and "chemical" are the illusions you produced in hopes of explaining, and predicting whatever your eyes see, your hands feel, etc. This obviously failed, you cannot predict or even handle it; you don't lose anything if you stop trying. Chances are that if you stop struggling, you'll easily slip out from the net you spun. So, here are the steps:

1. Stop thinking about it.

If you can spend like, hours sitting in a chair facing a wall (like our dude felkin here) and not really feel anything except maybe boredom, it means you're probably ready to get out of the chair and do things.


You sure think a lot about not thinking.


I believe he's implying that people should pay attention to the immediate presence of reality that is often shadowed and hidden by these abstractions and ideas which aren't truly real yet we treat them as such.

Or it's just a bunch of soykaf.


Well, he says what he argues in a very unneeded elaborate, unsympathetic way. He's presumptuous it's a certain issue and he communicates his advice in a demanding tone -- "stop X". It's similar to when people tell someone depressed or anxious to lighten up.

Very few psychotherapists command their depressed clients to stop habits. We have to understand what OP feels. Providing advice, often out of an egotistical desire, isn't helpful.


Not OP here but I have a similar problem of thinking too much about everything and your advice "stop thinking so much because it doesn't work" is like telling a depressed person "simply stop being sad".
The thing is it's not that simple. I am fully aware that I can't control or predict future, I can;t be prepared for every situation and ovethinking is destroying me from the inside but I still can't stop it. It's not like I'm telling myself "it's time to think about stuff now" but the thoughts are just coming to my head and I can only see them passing, can't stop them, can't shut them down, can't even set them in a particular way


That's a funny comment, as it seems to point at a contradiction or hypocrisy, but it actually doesn't. Well done.
In case someone doesn't get why: first, people have the weirdest expectations for those giving advice. It's like expecting a doctor to take the medicine he prescribes for each patient.

It could be either. Hint: not like the difference exists anyway.

I argue in the best way to get the point through, this is not a campaign to win favor. I basically presented an algorithm with lots of comments so others have a chance at getting how it works. Take or leave, it's public domain (not some GNU idiocy). I don't really believe what OP says, he could say anything - we're all running on presumptions here. Other than that, let's not presume that my goal was helping OP. Think of OP as the example problem instead; as far as I care he can continue whatever he does.

I sort of expected people who could use the advice to do just that; nothing can be said to such people that they cannot abstract into more of what they already think - basically religious fanaticism, except the core is not some religious idea but "life and by extension I suck". I'm basically fighting an omnivore goo monster by throwing objects at it, which it proceeds to eat. At best I can hope its allergic to one or the other.
Indeed, if you already are aware that thinking doesn't do what you expect it to do, there's no point in pointing that out - although being factually aware of something, or having it sunk in completely is entirely different. "I know, but..." usually indicates that you know of it as a fact but not yet used it, and assumptions or beliefs that contradict it is still being used as pillars for your conclusion.

>but the thoughts are just coming to my head and I can only see them passing, can't stop them, can't shut them down, can't even set them in a particular way

These are, among other things, just made up. They aren't false or true, they are just "running", and you can kill them by not giving them "CPU time"; when something like this comes up, just catch your breath and breathe 4-5 times manually. or slap your leg. or think of the pink elephant instead. When you realize, or someone points out that this looks stupid, just slap that leg again. Or perhaps slap the person pointing out. Everyone can slap.


this is exactly what I think, except I've yet to come to the conclusion that I need other people.

Is this okay?


Its really nothing like that. The reason is a doctor is a trained professional and you aren't. Whats going on here would be more like a friend suggesting a natural remedy of eating grass to cure my fever, which in that case I would indeed expect him to have done it and had it work for him in the past before I followed.


It sure seems like you had lots of grass in the end. Other than that, why the assumption that it didn't work? Just look at all those people who were like OP once, but with or without help/force and medicine, eventually stopped thinking.

I don't think a discussion about applied pseudo-science like medicine belongs in the thread, but we could figure out some other location if you want.


Seeing as the majority of people rely on others for a variety of reasons, of course it's okay, as long as that reliance isn't unhealthy.


I meant that I try not to rely on anyone - I think I don't need them. I've yet to change my mind like OP.


As far as I know, except a rare few hermits who managed to find an ideal environment where they could self-sustain mostly by reaping nature, people always needed other people. Could it be that infrastructure and technology made your experience of the world impersonal? People say a lot of stuff these days:
- I don't need school, I can learn it from the internet!
- I can buy it on the internet, without ever talking to anyone!
- I don't need X, I can just DIY!
- Why would I risk the real thing when I can get it on DVD/in HD/in 3D/in VR?!
All from the comfort of my home! While technically all of these are true, the entire society of which these options are just products of is made and ran by people. It constantly gets more and more transparent though, so it is easy to make unconscious assumptions that it just works, it is automated, etc. So technically, people need other people still.
If we focus just on the emotional - human contact side of it, I'm sure that there are many little things, details, etc. not accounted for in every case where someone says they don't need others. I suppose it is possible to do it, but it takes a certain kind of person, with the right attitude and whatnot. It's certainly too special for a general claim to be made.


Thanks for your in-depth reply, I appreciate it.
I have a hard time finding people I trust, or getting out of my comfort zone where it has a positive end goal - instead of it being useless.
For example, I've little experience with relationships. To go out to a bar would be a way to fix that, but the women there aren't looking for that.
Another example, I want to work together with people, but all of the clubs I've tried get wrapped into bureaucracy. It's frustrating not having a community to contribute to.


I can't help you with all of this but there's some fresh advice in my mind from my dad on relationships. The way he got dates before the wired was around to use as a social crutch wasn't usually to just approach a girl outright, but to go to a social event with guy friends who happened to bring girl friends. Even if none of the girls you meet at the first few events are single, they know girls who are. If you come across as likeable or at least harmless, they'll handle the networking for you because *they* know single girls. After a while somebody in the group might mention to their single friend that they know this cool guy Anon and she should come out tonight and meet him ;)