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lainchan archive - /feels/ - 10827



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No.10827

I've been having an incredibly difficult time finding friends in the past year. Outside of my relationship and my roommates, I don't really communicate too often with people because I have a hard time finding people I have things in common with or can learn from, share information, etc.

I'm always wanting to find a friendship that can be beneficial mutually, even if it's just making one another happier or providing a conversation, or exchanging information and knowledge, etc.

My issue is that since I don't drink or smoke (social suicide, it seems), and most of my interests revolve around technology and introvert stuff... I am having an incredibly hard time finding people to talk to.

Long long ago I used to go on /soc/ and find people to talk to on Skype, but since I've stopped using Skype and other programs, it's also limited my ability to communicate with people.

H-how do people do it?

  No.10831

I think it has a lot to do with doing first and thinking second. Introverts in IT are prone to not making a move unless they are certain, and systems that can be completely understood (a software environment, mathematics, etc) reward this caution richly. But a whole human being is complicated, understanding one is more bits of data than what a brain (a part of such a human being) can hold. Thus you can never completely understand or predict another human being, meaning that a think first do second strategy will render you inactive - the more rigorous you are about it, the more inactive you will be.

Other than that, I think the majority of humans are unable to maintain a friendship without at least one regular activity you do together (that is, on a weekly schedule just like sleep, work, school whatever, something where you need a hard excuse to skip). Talking is not really an activity in this context. As kalyx pointed out in days of yore, he doesn't want people to just sit around on lainchan and post; he wants people to go out and do cool soykaf, then post about that on lainchan. People who don't do anything like that have nothing to post about. Similarly, friends who don't do anything together have little to talk about - understand that in a friendship, similarities in your personality, interests, music taste, favorite books, etc are not "common things". It's what you do, suffer or rofl through together as different as you are. If you're not currently doing anything that can be done together with someone else, you're not gonna get friends. Not to mention that you're in a sort of "energy debt" - like being in bed, you now have to get out. Find some activities that involve going among people, and may require or be better with cooperation. Once you're not a complete beginner, you might find people who enjoy doing it with you, and gradually you will start talking about stuff... where you turn out to be quite an interesting fellow under the hood.
If you can absolutely not think of anything remotely social that interests you, it would mean that you don't enjoy social activity at all, and thus you feel great right now because you don't have to do any.

  No.10832

>>10831
I have no idea what to do irl either.
It seems to me many people just hang out and stuff like that.
But i think its generally true without common ground you have little base for friendship.
And if youre a geek then life is in nightmare mode.

  No.10834

I think my roommate is picking up on that I don't like him as a person and that I have no intention of being his friend. I don't want to hurt the guy (because that will negatively impact me) but I'm also not big on lying. Everything about him annoys me (he has terrible taste in everything, he chews foood and slurps his drinks like a fuarrrking neanderthal, he has no respect for personal space and he's just an amazingly boring person in his views but thinks he's hella woke - he has to say no homo constantly and I'm legit not wanting him to know I'm gay 2) and sooner or later that'll come out, what should I do.

  No.10835

>>10834
talk about your thoughts with him like a normal human being instead of expecting him to read your mind and magicaly change overnight?

  No.10836

>>10835

telling someone theyre a soykaf human and i like nothing about them is p. hard man, i was just going to continue to suffer.

  No.10837

>>10834
I've dealt with some pretty awful roommates. I live with one currently, he definitely knows that I don't like him around. I'm too passive to tell him off, but I don't look him in the face anymore and he's generally disliked by most of the house.

Maybe just tell your roommate to not say "no homo" because that's for jock normal person dudes.

  No.11039

>>10836 Just because somebody's different doesn't make them a "soykaf human" sure everyones different and peoples personalities and conflict but a great thing to have in life is to be able to understand others differences and work with them. Your roommate doesn't understand what you're going through, so just give him the chance to and let him try to help in working with each others differences.

  No.11047

File: 1490105076107.png (6.04 KB, 200x184, gun.jpg)

>tfw the only way I've been able to get friends is through irl brewing soykaf.

Only thing we share a mutual interest in is Trump brewing soykaf. Is this friendship, or just a hollow shell that pretends to be?

>>10834
Be glad your roommate wasn't a creepy, pagan god worshipping brony. That was an awful year.

  No.11048

>>11047
If it wasn't for Trump, could you actually see yourself being around this person? If not there's a good chance it's the latter. Friendships based on reactionary politics are extremely volatile.

  No.11053

File: 1490136641751.png (294.71 KB, 146x200, serveimage.png)

>>11048
>reactionary politics
>reactionary
Do you know what that word even means?

  No.11054

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>>11053
Just to be sure I googled it (you can never be too sure) and my definition is correct. My point has nothing to do with politics and more with the fact there's more to friendship than agreeing with whatever politics you may have.

  No.11055

>>11053
Not the person you're responding to, but "reactionary politics" is basically "right-wing" politics.. So, you said "friendships based on right-wing ideology politics are extremely volatile."

Perhaps a better way to word that would be how you just worded it "agreeing with whatever politics you may have"

  No.11056

>>11055
Huh, you're right. My own definition was off. I guess I probably should've looked beyond the google results. I tend to glaze over a lot of political stuff these days.

  No.11119

I can't find friends easily either.

>I'm always wanting to find a friendship that can be beneficial mutually, even if it's just making one another happier or providing a conversation, or exchanging information and knowledge, etc.


I want this but other people never seem to have much to share with me. I live in Japan and am one of those reviled 1%ers for my age group here so it can't be helped.

I wouldn't mind if they're cute but other guys are rarely cute and girls generally don't want to hang out with me since I'm married (I just found one who will occasionally hang out with me and not act nervous about my marital status). I find none of the attractive qualities I find in 2D characters in most otaku unfortunately.

  No.11120

I have the same problem. I only have like 2 friends which I know since I'm little.

Does anyone here want to chat on XMPP or some other service?

  No.11121

I have Skype (nyanpanzer) and Discord (nyanpanzer
#5903) but I'll install something else if you give your ID

Maybe I'm annoying after a while...

  No.11122

>>11121 is >>11119, sorry if that was confusing.

  No.11123

I'm 21, I live in Germany and I've just started to learn programming.

My other hobbies are bicycling, watching anime and reading.

If anyone wanna chat, we can do so on XMPP:

case@0nl1ne.cc

OTR fingerprint
1FAA646E 5FBC87B7 0D4EF7B4 175EC409 3C534635

  No.11124

I might just have been lucky but I made friends not really trying and doing whatever I wanted to do.

For instance, two of my friends I made by brewing soykaf often on 4chan and making these meme threads that had a story and these two guys got into contact with me in order to do stuff like that together. It was pretty weird.

Two other friends I've just made by playing online games that I liked.

  No.11125

>>11121
>>11123
We have https://lainchan.org/feels/res/8487.html for these kinds of things.

Good luck