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lainchan archive - /feels/ - 11313



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No.11313

I'm pretty sure the majority of people here follow their interest to at least some extent, similar to what I've done over the past few years, so I feel that this board is at least somewhat appropriate.

It has always been terribly hard to get really close friends; not because I'm asocial, but because I can’t develop any deep “connection” with them due to the sheer simplicity of the topics being discussed or the lack of unifying interests. It never really bothered me since I have always had a few “friends” (i.e. the kind you talk a lot with casually, but don’t share a lot in common). This way-of-being has worked pretty fine for as long as I can remember, since it doesn’t rely on social pressure through self-forced integration and gives one more time to focus on own interests.

This outlook changes greatly when considering relationships though. When I was 14 I told myself that it didn’t matter yet, with 16 I started programming and kind of lost the perspective, and with 18 it took hold of me again, sometimes going as far as to cry myself to sleep. I’m 24 now, and its bugging me nearly daily. It’s probably important to mention that I have aspergers; i.e. socializing takes longer and far less personal.

So now to the actual question; is it viable to keep on going, hoping that some sort of change will occur, or should one change their perspective on life, with a sharp focus on social needs, possible abandoning a highly specific hobby as a natural consequence?

  No.11320

Fellow Aspergian here.

Speaking from experience, you should try and find a middle ground, balancing both your hobbies and social endevors. If possible try to find IRL groups related to your interests, as you will most likely find that the people there will be able to relate to you better than most, and there will be more interesting topics to socialise about.

In short; don't abandon your hobbies or your social needs, just find a balance that works.