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lainchan archive - /feels/ - 7412

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Checked the catalog and was surprised that I couldn't find one. General /uni/ feels thread. How are you guys doing with midterms?


Coming up next week. My one tech class has a midterm that's like a replica of the 901 A+ exam, gunna be cool I think. Math on the otherhand.. I might be fuarkked.


I am confused about university.

On the one hand, I love the idea. A place where you study various subjects, probably as deeply as human knowledge of that subject goes; you might even extend it.
You could be one of the many adults who think -they- know what's best for them, but instead you humbly bend your knee to the much wiser universe, and try to understand a little more about it at this aptly named institution. You could follow your heart, enjoy life; create a rational plan to maximize your profit, goals, happiness, improvement, whatever; you could just be the wise guy who figured it out and just keeps telling others what's up; you could be free. But instead you choose to be the student. An intelligent animal with an additional hunger - curiosity.

lat. studeo (> studens)
1. I dedicate myself (to), direct my efforts or attention (to), strive after.
2. I am attached or favorable (to), favor, support.
3. I study.
It takes much dedication to be a student, as you allow others to decide what's good for you, what you're interested in. You give things a shot, and then a few more. You don't chicken out if it feels boring, you don't rebel if it's against your principles, you don't sway if it's not what you've dreamed of, you don't quit if it doesn't make you rich fast. You have no reasons, you simply do it because. You are a student first, and anything else second. You are willing to change yourself and your ways, become someone else simply because a teacher says so. You probably don't even have the energy or time to check where the road leads, you just go; and when you get there, you're probably something better. Or not. It doesn't even matter to you, because you're a student, and you'll just keep studying and changing anyway.
I can't think of anything that is more human than this.

On the other hand though, I was a university student, but failed a semester pretty quickly, and then again. I had this idea of a student in my mind, but I couldn't execute it. It took conscious effort to "stay in role". I quit avoid debt and more failure. Maybe one day?


I wish university were like that. It seems to be more like, you're trying desperately to learn something interesting while fighting through beaurocracy and trying to maintain a social life. I can do it, but I have no time for more 'enrichment' things like casual reading.

I kind of wish more people actually went to university with the intention to learn something they're interested in. It seems like half the students here just want a piece of paper.


I think of the bureucracy and pressure as "chaos management lab I - II"


Metallurgy fucking REKT me. I still have to prepare all my samples too for my labs.

I go to a community college, you take what you can get. There is very little social life, little in the way of extracurriculars, and even if there were I have other shit to do. At least I have access to an ok library. My podunk of a town's library sucks.

The only reason I came to this college anyway was because it has a great trade program for the industry I'm in though otherwise I would have never returned. After being in the field I had questions and this place in answering them which is far and away better than when i first tried it out and found that it was all theoretical drivel to me.

Your situation is completely different from mine though, i never went to a university proper and have no idea what it's like. I regret everyday not trying harder when I was younger but that's the life of most community college students.

Stuck in limbo between the real world and quasi-academia and usually the real world wins out. The statistics are completely true about this place.

Sounds like you need to learn sum time mgmt.


>I kind of wish more people actually went to university with the intention to learn something they're interested in. It seems like half the students here just want a piece of paper.

so much this. i went to a top 50 school on a scholarship. shit's expensive and filled with people who got in because they went to the right private school.

part of the problem is that it has become this magical piece of paper that makes it so your resume doesn't immediately get thrown in the trash. or for many students (from foreign countries) it is a status symbol that they can then have their daddy proudly display on his office wall after he sets you up in some fast-track to management job at his company.

it's frustrating to be in a class where no one gives a shit about the subject matter when you do, or when no one cares to step outside of their non-english-native-tongue-cliques, but you are in control of your own learning and professors will have respect for you if you demonstrate that interest. going above and beyond won't necessarily dramatically improve your shots in the job market lottery but if that's fulfilling for you, by all means do so.

american system is broken because of how much money is involved thanks to inexcusable college debt, the schools are run as businesses and their purpose is no longer for you to learn but to extract as much profit from your stay in semi-adult daycare. the professors who aren't hired lecturers do give a shit and have passion for their fields, so it's not all bad, but look up % of phd's vs how many become tenured professors before you fall for the academia meme.


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Dropped out of two different schools and am now $10,000 in debt.
I don't think this whole 'commitment to betterment' thing is for me lads


watch this space I will be back with a rant about being in a shit uni.


>you need to learn time management
I've got fine time management. The problem is more that I don't know what to do with my time, and it leads to listlessness.

I might try to do some undergraduate research, either next quarter or the quarter after. Historically, being accountable to someone besides myself has helped get my priorities in order.

>but you are in control of your own learning and professors will have respect for you if you demonstrate that interest.

yeah, this is why I like uni more than high school. That and people seem to care less about what I do, which is nice.

only $10k? Cut your losses while you're so far ahead.
Personally, I plan on being semi-homeless for the last two years of college so my parents can pay for my sister's tertiary education. God willing, I'll be able to graduate debt-free.


Not in uni yet but I've been contemplating it. Should I go if I absolutely hated high school? I've been thinking about a vocational school instead.


It's not like High School in the slightest, and two-year degrees only matter if you're already well-versed in the field or are going into a trade


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My semester is going pretty well so far.


Luckily my first midterm is this Friday. Which is odd because classes started on 19. 09. this year.


Uni was hell. Learning was good, classmates were awful.


>be me

>exchange awkward greetings with people who know your name, but you honestly can't remember meeting

>then panic and feel guilty because you don't know their names

>can't bring yourself to say people's names when you do know them

>then panic and feel guilty because you don't want people to think you're the kind of asshole who can't remember their names

>walk (easily) twice as far as necessary when going to classes, specifically to avoid exactly these kinds of interactions

>after several weeks of putting it off, finally force yourself to talk to one of the school's counselors

>"Lain, I just want you to know that it's okay to tell me if you don't like me. You can talk to another counselor if you want to..."
>but you actually think she's nice
>as an added bonus, she thinks you might have autism
>tfw you're just glad this counselor said "you have autism" and not "you're a danger to yourself"

Well, at least I'm passing, and the cafeteria has tolerable coffee.


It's going ok I guess. I'm doing well in two classes and very poorly in another but the professor is allowing us to fix our assignments because everyone failed. But in general I'm at that point of the semester where everything is stressing me out. Also I'm a PhD student so I have qualifying exams to worry about at the end of the year and I haven't started thinking about them at all.


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here it comes

first of all, contrary to what you might think the problem with being at a shit uni is not really the uni or lecturers, (not to say that isn't a problem), the real problem is the students. There are two basic students groups who go to a shit uni;

1-fuckups who already screwed there shot at a good uni and are trying to recover in this last chance saloon
2-fuckups who didn't get good enough marks in school and either came straight here or had to came through college

I fall into category 1 if you are interested.

now the problem with this is that their is an extremely low proportion of people who are actually interested in what they are doing and want to put effort in. This means you are fucked on every group project no matter what. It also means any out of class activities are basically not going to happen and you aren't going to find like minded people if you are actually interested.

Every single day I need to listen to these gormless fucks complaining about everything under the sun. everybody hates programming, no one is interested in alt OS's, no one does any computing outside the bare minimum of what they are explicitly forced to. Of course they have an excuse for everything if it's never their fault when they fail and fuck up.

obviously the facilities and staff are not the best but not necessarily terrible. I've only had one lecturer who I would describe as being actually incompetent and for various political reasons he will never be removed from his position.

the only good side is that it is easy to stand out but that comes with the down side that you are likely going to need to stand out to get past the shit uni factor.

I could really go off on one about the cunts I deal with every day but I'll save it.


went to a university for four years, studied history with the intent on becoming a teacher because I was really inspired by teachers in high school. Forward to my senior year, I'm writing my thesis in bed and have a mental break down, realize I don't want to teach because who the fuck wants to go to grad school to accumulate more debt just so I can MAYBE make $45k a year. What else would I do with a history degree anyway?

Took a year off, worked a shitty food-service job delivering catering orders to pharmaceutical reps with a dyslexic boss. Money was good, but most of it went to my car so that I could keep working, I've sold it since then (fuck me, right?)

Now I am in my second year of school at community college studying networking. I got 99% on my wireless routing midterm, feels good. I'm confident about finding a job once I'm done with school, lots of entry-level and all-around tech jobs are popping up in my city and it makes me excited. Wish the rest of you Lains a good rest of your term


>two-year degrees only matter if you're already well-versed in the field or are going into a trade

Community colleges vary a lot in the sense that while they usually have similar offerings a lot have very unique programs that are based off of their local area.

I wouldn't suggest moving to get a specific associate degree but check out your local college offerings and if nothing sticks out it's better for you to go straight to work and start at the bottom of something technical.

glad community worked out for you. they have an insane burden since they receive the shittiest most flakiest students but something about them being the 2nd chance for many(including me) makes me love them so much more.

there's a book called the american community college which chronicles the rise of cc and gives you numbers on all sorts of stats. One of the most interesting things about them is how it used to be that the trades were for the rejects but now lots of those same programs can be very exclusive(see: nursing)

btw industry certs can be a game changer. definitely read up on whatever they are for your specific industry.


I am studying electronic engineering at a high ranking university in the UK. To maintain it's ranking the whole department is run a lot more like a business than a place of learning. Everything is done explicitly so that you can get that job for BAE Systems designing cluster bombs.

Furthermore the teaching is mediocre. They very often deliberately give incorrect information or none at all so as to make tasks more challenging. I see no point in spending a fortune to teach myself things independently just like I would have done anyway. The professors are well distinguished in their research but usually don't have any of the passion or eccentricity that I hoped for. Being good at research does not necessarily make someone good at teaching.

If you are thinking about university then look carefully at other options. The propaganda about following your interests and becoming that genius you always wanted to be is a lie. It is a hothouse to produce patent income and to attract more of those lucrative international students. Either you get a soykaf degree or you do absolutely nothing other than study.

That said, it can be very interesting to meet the older members of Electronics and Computer Science departments. They are left over from when universities were about research rather than money and are often the bitter grey beard geniuses we all pretend to be on our riced gentoo desktops.


I'm getting very tired of school. Im in my 4th out 5th year, and am so looking forward to graduating and moving on with my life. Career wise I am doing well, I just got a call (out of nowhere) from a google recruiter yesterday and got an interview set up for tomorrow, so that's exciting. If that doesn't work out I have a bunch of other options too.

I am also taking next semester off to take an 80 day NOLS course in Patagonia. I feel like getting out into the wilderness and climbing mountains will really help me more than finishing school 6 months earlier will.


EE and CS(and CS's less-prestigious brother, SE) are the two majors hit hardest by the industry. In math, everyone really does seem to care.


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Breaking out of my shell to expand my social horizons while trying to keep my academics together is hell, whenever I have free time I want to be alone but I know that wont get me anywhere.


I've been getting better at focusing lately, but focusing for long periods of time just makes me lazy for longer periods of time after I finish. At least it's better that doing nothing.

I'm behind on my work again because sometimes I just mentally can't do anything. My highly complex neural network of laziness and work avoidance pathways takes over after a hard work session and it can last for weeks. There's always a new thing that my mind has to resist doing, just wearing down my willpower. I'm trying to beat it, but not that much success so far. Would forcing myself to follow a daily routine for once help? I just want to be more efficient, I've wasted so much of my life already.


Yeah if I could do it all over again I would be doing math


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I agree a lot with what the other anon have said about there no longer being a desire to really learn but instead to be a more efficient cog in the machine. It's hard to say this without making it sound as though you think you're above practical needs like putting bread on the table but I keep that need very present in my mind. I think, however, that as a university student I am in theory being afforded a great opportunity not just to (hopefully) build a career but to really learn. A lot of students seem to acknowledge this in some way shape or form.


thanks for the heads up, I'll check that out. I'm not sure what I want to work in yet, I'll look more into certs when I figure that out


Went to sleep two hours later than usual on Sunday night. My whole week's been a wreck. Anyone else get this problem?


yeah. It only takes a small slip-up like that and I go over the edge. Maybe I am just on maximum capacity. Nowadays if I notice it happening I will take the next day off and just sleep almost no matter what. I find it easier to catch up on one day missed than 7 or 8 where I couldn't concentrate.

It depends if I have a gap in labs and coursework deadlines though


I recently realized that the only things that I feel like are making me stay in uni are a scholarship that gives a decent life, and health insurance.

I used to care. I really used to care. I liked highschool. But things change.


No problem bruh, I'm more in an idustrial field not a computer one but if you want to stand out it's up to you to seek out independent organization and such and develop yourself in a much more specific way than a general college class.

lmao no, you're a weakling tbqh.

School is awesome for giving you a self contained environment in which to grow in leaps and bounds the problem is that you eventually get tired of the facade.

Remember, the real world is still out there and it keeps moving with or without you.


Some guy lost his folder and I gathered all the papers and contacted him. Turns out he showed up after I left so I inconvenienced him I think. I tried to do the right thing though.


Do any other Westerners have a lot of Chinese International students? I have many at my school but they don't really hang out with anyone other than each other. Cool clothes though.




shit tones


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I was confident in a subject. Others in my group were not.

I couldn't even scratch 50%, others barely lost a few points.


I went to community college for a year and quit recently. I sperged out and started leaving in the middle of group assignments. You can take the hikikomori out of the house, but you can't take his sedentary spirit. I don't know what I'm going to do.


I'm in the exact same situation, lainon. I'm in my second year and am dropped out of all my classes except for one.
I plan to deal with procrastination and lack of motivation so I can have a fruitful 2017 at least.
Knowing me, it doesn't seem likely though.


Have you thought about what made you overconfident in your understanding of the material?


That is how overconfidence looks like. You are so bad at it that you can't asses your own lack of skill, and thus are confident, and blind to signs of trouble.


I am lucky to be able to say that my bachelors degree were the 3 best years of my life so far. Hopefully my masters now will be at least just as good and allow me to qualify for a phd.


mine's pretty good as well. My biggest stressor right now is money, which I guess is good preparation for life.


I see this all the time. If you ever say "I know this but xxxx" you don't know shit.


also "it's not hard, it's just xxxxx" is another classic


I'm not having a very good time with CS. I am in my second year of studying it. The semester started off with three or four weeks of incredibly fucking basic Java programming - taught at the pace that it would be taught to a total begginner.
I studied some Computing in HS and have always been teaching myself programming so it has always felt like I am doing things that I already know.
I feel as if I hardly benefit from going into most lectures and the assignments we do for Java Programming are tediously easy.

I'm also studying Maths this year which I am actually learning new shit in but I have ended up just skipping every single lecture because I prefer to teach myself.
Everything I've learned so far I have basically taught myself in order to assignments which makes me question the point of attending uni in the first place. Although I know that if I dropped out I'd be unable to motivate myself to keep studying regardless...


turn up to lectures just to get your name on the register, other than that do your own thing. the point of uni is not to learn but to get a "give me more money" slip


I have a few more months left, if all goes according to plan. The reason I qualify that statement is because I've lost motivation big time. I spent the last few years on autopilot, trying just to do my own thing while appeasing the bureaucracy. I would skip lecture and teach myself because it was faster. I learned how to cut corners as much as possible while still getting good grades. Now I feel I need to unlearn all that.

Lately I desire a feeling of earning my way in the world. I want to leave university for a long time and find a job in a different part of the country.

You should see if you can just take the final exam for credit. My uni has something like that, but I never took advantage of it and now it's too late.


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>How are you guys doing with midterms?
I failed one pretty badly, which means I'm going to end up failing the class. I'm probably going to have to take summer classes to make up the credits because I don't think I can handle taking 20 next quarter. I tried to withdraw from the class but I was past the deadline so there's nothing I can do about the F.


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>turn up to lectures just to get your name on the register, other than that do your own thing.
>You should see if you can just take the final exam for credit.

I dont have to attend lectures but I do have assessments throughout the semester. At this point I've basically been doing the bare minimum.
The frustrating thing is I find it hard to just "do my own thing". I find it very difficult to motivate myself. Aside from uni, I really dont have anything going on in my life.
I understand that I need to be the one to take control over my life if I want any kind of satisfaction but this task is much easier said than done for someone like me.

For anyone else suffering from the uni feels, definitely watch Tatami Galaxy if you havent already - it's very relatable to this.


There's many where I study. I hear the Chinese government give them a soykaf tonne of funding to study in western countries.


Last semester i failed 2 courses. This one it looks like im going to fail my english requirement again, but my other grades are ok. I dont think im responsible enough for this. I dont want to be here for another 2/3 years but idk else i would do with my life.



4th year CS student here, yeh you basically just described my college experience at 27.

I'm basically 1 too. Affinity with computing but hated school. Military finally gave me some work ethic.

Every group project I've done > 80% of the work I'd say. In some cases all of it. Every weekend is people asking for my code or my work because they're too retarded to do it themselves or they're too lazy.

I've programmed chess in java, a full social media website, and most of my colleagues flat out fail their CA in some cases and just make it up in summer.

There's a handful of people who are legitimately good and the rest have just managed to coast through a mixture of copy pasta based exams and simply copying assignments/worksheets etc.

Final year and people are panicking cause the projects aren't group projects, plus the actual programming isn't solved by memorization or stackoverflow anymore.

Only difference is a lot of our lecturers are complete soykaf. Some are very good and I have massive time for those ones, but the rest are just horrible.


I feel out of place on Lainchan being a humanities major instead of going into CS or math. I'm not helping to build the cyberpunk future with you guys, sorry.

Before you say SJW echochamber I've been surprised with the quality of the teachers I've had. Very level-headed people that I respect a lot and love to learn from. Sadly I can't say I have much in common with others in my major.


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What is the best humanities, and why is it history?


If it's any consolation, you're not alone. I'm a performing arts guy (planning to do a double major with CS but I don't think my heart's in it) and I've been around here a while.

Which subject from the humanities?


Exactly the same feel
It's fun and the most scientific


So apparently I am not the only one who kind of stopped caring.
In the beginning I even thought abut becoming a researcher, and I definitely have the skill,
but research kind of is like kicking dead whales down the beach.
I just want to do whats fun. If I am interested in a topic, I want to do it.
With research you will always have to defend why you are doing it, hasn't it been done before and so on.
For me, there is no fun to be had in this construct.


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I'm in my first semester and I feel paralyzed. I can neither get myself to study, nor can I get myself to do any of the things I actually enjoy. I can't even procrastinate because I feel guilty about doing nothing and it's too distracting to play video games, so I end up watching CSGO matches all day or sleep to escape.

At least in high school I didn't give a soykaf about studying but could still easily pass with decent grades. Now I'm trying to get a CS degree, but before I get to pick my major, I have to study a lot of general classes like physics and math, which aren't too difficult but still require me to go through lots of problem sets so that I can pass. I'm pretty sure I failed my Electrostatics midterm, which demotivates me even more to study for my other classes.

I could probably drop out and still get a software dev job, but without a degree I'll always be Indian-tier, working in sweatshops for minimal pay.


No joking around, drop out now dude. Or figure out how to take classes. Your freshman year is a real sink or swim moment, it's when either you fix your high school habits (you're not unique in getting through HS without studying, that's everybody) or you fail everything.

Don't waste the money. In the grand scheme it's not a big deal at all to bail now and get your soykaf together and just re-enroll later. It's way worse to have a semester where you bomb everything and end up depressed as hell broke and on academic probation. I've seen plenty of friends end up in that position, and almost did it myself.

Second semester freshman year I failed 2 of 5 classes an dropped the other, I managed to pass a piss easy English class and practically begged my software prof to give me a C. I got my soykaf together over the summer and spread out the classes I had trouble with (Calc and physics) and did okay ( I hope so, Senior now) but I know other people that fuarrrked up everything and ended up in debt and degreeless or just dealing with 6 years of school money way and not a 4 year degree finished yet.


Not a uni student anymore but I'll be getting on one year out of my undergrad studies - I'm pretty sure at this point that it's actually a common feeling among Humanities majors who found themselves actually involved with computers or surrounded by programmer-types while on the internet. I was a Humanities major (English) and while most of my professors were actually on the level (had two or three wackjobs, actually) and enjoyable, I never understood what people in my major actually wanted to do with their lives because from how they spoke, they never seemed motivated to do anything but get out of college. I had programming/CS from my time at community college and always had that as something I wanted to actually do, but out of at least a hundred people who I saw over my years in my other major-related classes, I only knew one guy in my major who actually wanted to do something and that was be a teacher.

I really wish I was able to do my undergrad for CS instead of English, but at least now I have the income to make CS happen and pay my student debt. Go git 'em, lain.


Been there, done that. Mostly on lainchan IRC two years ago. I saw many people being there for many reasons, here's what I saw. University is a job where it's easy to get employed and pays in papers and peers and credits. (After some time, you get to play around with cool stuff you don't exactly own and might get some opportunity to do stuff you like.)
There are only a few things that will actually get you through university:
- you want a degree.
- you want good grades and you kinda want to beat the competition
- it's so worthless you can pass without caring
That's it. Now let's talk about some other things that may come in handy, but won't actually get you through.
- you are smart, clever, intelligent, and information sticks to you. these won't get you out of bed, practice the boring parts, or attend class.
- you are interested in the field. this likely means you already know things, things that are interesting for you - which means they're more boring in class. things that you aren't interested in are even more boring in class. chances are you'll neglect the boring stuff in favor of something that won't get you grades
- you aced high school and everyone is going - that's like committing suicide because everyone else does, and you have even better ways to do so.
- early bird gets the worm, you can go free if you sign up now! - unless this cheers you up and fills you with energy every single day, it's not gonna mean anything by october. life is not an mmorpg, you can't grind here.
- cool people, cool gadgets, cool parties -these are all nice bonuses to your life, but they don't motivate you to study, do homework and assignments. if you are one of those "been depressed for years" types, it likely won't help either.
- away from your tormenting christian parents, you're asian and must bring honor to famiry, you were kicked out at 18, etc. sure it's nice to be away from any of this, but it won't do assignments and homework.
- you watched all the hacker movies and serieses and want to be a lisp wizard. you want to be the doctor who saves lives. your favorite little pony is purple and smart and you want to be like that. in this case you like the image of a person, and you want to be the image; you might find that things look quite different from inside, and will lose the appeal.

I'm mostly guilty of the first and the last, with hints of the second and the third.



Thanks for the replies fellow humanities majors (little late I know). I'm an art history major myself. I was going to go into language but fell in love with the major after taking a class in freshman year.

Does anyone else live on campus? It's convenient but I think it can have downsides. I just never clicked with most students at my school. This is my senior year and now I've finally found some social events outside of my campus that have been far more enjoyable than anything at my university. I wish I thought to expand outside of campus earlier because it's easy to get sucked into the mindset that your campus is the whole world when you live nearby (even more so if you moved across the country where you don't know anyone like me). All my close friends are still home but it feels good to feel like I belong in some social group even if it's not very deep.


Godfuckingdamnit the time is never enough, how am I supposed to work on all this soykaf in time? I basically don't do anything else than studying yet I'm late with the timetable. I think I will be ~25-26 years old before I finish my master's.


If I don't get into Oxford University I am going to throw myself off the roof of my house.

I'm 100% serious.


I want to be a director and go to school for media and think i'm crazy enough, creative enough, maybe intelligent enough, and maybe lucky enough to somehow pull it off and not be a completely fuarrrk up that ends up in the gutters of humanity.

But then again, that's just a theory.


that's cool. we need more burning butterfly people; the kind that don't have safety locks and stuff.


I (>>7965) jumped in late and didn't see the humanities talk, I'm actually a CS major semi close to graduation. I almost went into English or Journalism (did a lot of writing in high school and was even in an arts program) but I was pretty sure I would only doom myself to poverty that way. I still love writing and I wish I could make a living doing it, but everyone I know in English programs now is panicky and worried about their career prospects.

If people are in humanities classes and wanting to transition into CS, I would suggest just trying to get a CS minor. That way you can take the classes that are actually interesting without needing the math.

I've had a lot of fun in Uni taking classes that really taught me new material (Data Mining, Machine Learning, Systems Programming, Networking, etc) but I've also taken a lot that was boilerplate or boring.

Those math classes you need for the major is what kills everyone. The people I've seen drop out or transition away from engineering were people that had trouble with that. To graduate with a CS degree from my school you need (at minimum) 3 semesters of calculus, formal logic classes, a host of discreet math topics, and either linear or matrix algebra. Don't take that on if it doesn't sound like something you can do.


but y tho


Do a flip.

But seriously, academic achievements aren't the only thing in life that's worth anything. You were just gullible enough to believe what school/parents/peers told you. Gullible enough to commit suicide too.


It's my first year. For the first time in my life I have the feeling I'm doing something meaningful in my life, something that suits me. Considering how the previous 6 years of my life went, I consider not dropping out of all of my courses a great success. I don't want to kill myself anymore. I've made friends. I feel like I belong. However...

I'm not comfortable/capable of socializing when sober. I've started drinking a lot more; all the drinking at gatherings, drinks at after-parties in bars, drunk munching at 5 am and taxi drives back home take up a huge portion of my monthly budget. I'm afraid that if I miss a social event, everyone will either forget me or see it as a good chance to ditch me. I've always been so painfully lonely. I can't convince myself to put socializing second, so I prioritize hanging out and alcohol over school work and paying the rent.

I feel like I'm getting a second chance at life and I'm wasting it.


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I've had an interesting academic background thus far. I'll spare the details, but I'm 18 and in my third year of technically full-time community college attendance, held back by failing algebra five times. I've put in several hours a day into studying, tutoring, watching videos, and anything else I can find with no success. No less, I'm probably going to fail it again this semester, and I won't be able to transfer to a university, even with every other requirement met save for transfer-level math. Once in a uni, I'll still need to take calculus and a few other math courses which I doubt my success in.

I've already got my Security+ cert, going to take my Linux+ and CEH over winter break. I also may take a math for associates class next semester and one more web development course so I'll have an associates and a community college web development certificate. Besides that my resume items are mainly external, like winning small competitions of various sorts, giving talks at a few small conferences.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to find a [good] job with just those, but any recommendations in doing so are appreciated. I've found very few entry level pentesting/security/sysadmin jobs near me. I'd be interested in relocating worldwide for an interesting opportunity if that could get me it. I'm willing to learn a language. I'd imagine certain places are lacking in people with my skills, even if I'm not the best.

Any recommendations for avoiding or cheating math are also appreciated, I've successfully hacked several of my professors but as they are unable to change grades themselves after they're filed with the records department, I wasn't able to change my own without them noticing. I've dropped a reverse shell on the records department but bitched out of trying to insert classes I never took without full knowledge of the database. Unfortunately, hacking myself out of it seems possible but equally likely of destroying any possible academic future at this time.

I would really truly appreciate any advice. I'm trying to be optimistic and work hard but I feel a little like I'm being backed into a corner here. I almost want to just start distributing ransomware but... I'm not at that point quite yet. Thanks.


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Feels Good Man


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You'll go far in life.


Take the certs and run, don't bother with trying to transfer or something. If you can't get past algebra you won't be able to do anything in calc, and every year you get by through cheating will just leave more gaps in your supposed knowledge.

The certs and skill you're talking about are good enough, build something to put in a portfolio and just accept school isn't working out for you



I really appreciate that. Thanks.


Thank you for the advice.

One possible route to a security-specific degree would only require taking statistics, and no further math. I think that could be doable, especially since it would be taken at community college, but I don't know how long it would take me to get through it considering how long algebra has taken. Obviously a computer science degree would be completely improbable, even though I'm capable of programming the engineering/math bits would get me.

It is good to hear that the certs and other possible accomplishments would be enough to get started.

Should I try applying to jobs even if they require experience or degrees on the listings? Or how can I find jobs that don't? I've been able to pay for college so far living with my parents but I'm expected to move out relatively soon, and need to figure out a way to make enough money to live.


The root of history is histor meaning learned, wise man in greek.


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>be a college dropout
>land a job at a ISP, with literally no knowledge of networking beyond flashing openwrt and homenetworking
>taught myself everything from there.

i'm lucky as soykaf to have gotten to where i am today.
i miss college, but i probably would've just been a student activist and said fuarrrk my studies.
academic study groups, clubs, and student organizations are things that you can really miss out on. nothing beats having peers with the same interests as you.
i'm only 24, i would like to go back some day. I dunno...

hopefully your midterms are going well, lainons! don't get too stressed.



I bootstrapped myself into web dev by offering my services to charities during one summer. That allowed me to build references and a portfolio. I was also able to build up my portfolio with pet projects illustrating learned skills.


Listen to >>8230, do something simple and low paying first. Each job is usually only going to care about n-1 jobs ago. Your first job will care about school and whatnot but the second will only care about that first job (and I guess certs, I actually have no real sense of applying for security/IT/netsec type jobs).

The biggest thing to remember with this entry level job you get, is to focus on the soykaf you actually like and what's actually interesting. My first job was full of web development and some IT nonsense, but we had this awesome setup to record and store TV and the CC transcripts and rolled it up into a searchable DB. I just talked about that in interviews and barely even mentioned the web dev stuff and poof, dev internship working with data science style stuff. Don't let whatever job you end up in define you, if you end up somewhere you don't enjoy try your best to turn it into what you do want, and then gut and cannibalize the experience to get you somewhere better.



I went back after working as a backend engineer for an ad network 4 a bit. Finishing my science degree this year, kinda worth it, getting really sick of it though.


With finals coming up soykafs been hard and I've been stressed.
I also had to do some bullsoykaf sexual harassment course.

This was the dumbest fuarrrking thing. Basically if you did not have the right opinion on something then you got a question wrong. And through all of this it was basic bullsoykaf like talk to the cops report soykaf all the general soykaf

Here's the fuarrrked up part:
Our university was exposed last year as letting a rapist off easy by making him write an essay for his punishment. About a month later an international new organization made and expose on college sexual harassment centered on our school.

So they give us this bullsoykaf and demeaning course we have to take so they can save face and say that their teaching there students how to properly handle this. Except I've seen people go to the campus police after incidents like this and never see anything come from it. I'm pretty much just done with this bullsoykaf.


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good luck on your exams lainons, don't forget to take a break once in a while!


>Don't let whatever job you end up in define you, if you end up somewhere you don't enjoy try your best to turn it into what you do want, and then gut and cannibalize the experience to get you somewhere better.

fuarrrking S-O-L-I-D advice brother. Currently doing this at my first real place of employment that turned out to be something less than I expected.


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I'm not sure if this belongs here but I just got my uni admission test scores(is that what you call them?) today. And holy soykaf did I fuarrrk up.

I got the lowest scores I have ever gotten, on any test. Seriously, I probably would have gotten a better score if I just didn't study at all. A whole year of effort has gone down the drain, and now I have to waste another year to do the exact same thing all over again.

I could go to some place in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, but after all that effort just to end up someplace like that...

Whats even more depressing is that all of the practice tests I've taken till now I've gotten good results, yet for the test that really mattered, I failed.


Waking up with a cold knowing you can't skip class is the worst feeling I think.


That is like kicking dead whales down the beach man. Take a year off to retake the tests? If you're in the UK you can do that I think


suck s goes to is like kicking dead whales down the beach?


Every time somebody asks me how college is going I die a little inside.


2nd year physics undergrad thinking of dropping out in favor of running my own tech startup. I've become increasingly disenfranchised with academia, and my dream of a research career seems more naïve each passing semester.

The course is the same bullsoykaf human meatgrinder as secondary school and sixth form, charging absurd amounts for live slideshow readings in glorious monotone where any interesting question is answered with "we'll cover that later" if at all. For a subject centered around problem solving and critical thinking, it is painful to see a masters course barely pay lip service to either, instead we perform seemingly random experiments from rigid instructions to achieve standard answers and we're taught The Truth (TM) via unsound derivations using assumptions from a poorly covered context.

The only impetus to continue is for that magical piece of paper that my uninspired colleagues chase after, as anyone with any love of physics seemed to have been much wiser than me and went elsewhere. I'd like to imagine I simply went to a bad university, but if top 20 is bad, I worry for the field.

Not like I should want to enter the field, considering the disappearing investment, overabundance of researchers and sheer accuracy of the standard model - let alone cancer like publish or perish. Working absurd hours for noodles to add a few decimal points to a constant is not a future.

It hurts to see such a simple, beautiful dream crushed.


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Gonna go for the CE meme, next year... am I doing the right thing, Lainons?

I feel like I'd like to have a wider understanding of things, instead of something limited as the CS courses.

N.B: Euro user here, atm attending an hs w/ IT specialization


CE or SE are the ones to go for. CS is a meme degree.


I'm in a situation where my only option in CS because I decided that I might want a major in it after I got here. It's better than graduating with just a bachelor's in history and being consigned to public school teaching.


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Well, my options are limited to CE or CS, in which there should be both a couple exams on Software Engineering, but nothing completely dedicated.

Also, it's good to know that Terry Davis has a bachelor's in Computer System Engineering as well.


I'll start uni in about 11h 20min.
I'm kinda scared.


That's normal friendo. I've been in college for the last 9 years, and tomorrow is my first day back as well, the jittery feeling never really goes away. Keep your head down work hard, but remember to breathe.


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Ty man. Really helps.
Have papes in return.


I just can't decide a major or minoir. Like right now I'm an undecided freshman, and I'm like, do I major in computer science, writing related or something else? Do I major in film studies or global studies? Simple stuff.


People keep repeating how difficult engineer facolties are, but fuarrrk it, if I cannot graduate, then nobody else in my city can. I have the better grades among the dumbfucks in my school

Real life is like kicking dead whales down the beach so much, need to leave my physical body.



If you have already a load of subjects that interest you the choice is easy: pick the one which can generate the most money in the future.


>neurosuggesting the wired isn't real life


Hey bud the answer is actually to major in computer science. You can do things like writing or film on the side for fun or pleasure. If you feel like you absolutely need to have an academic background in something like film studies, feel free to approach that in graduate school. Your background in computer science will take you further in any subject then anything else, and will give you something to fall back on.

I majored in Computer Science in undergrad, and am now a PhD in Mongolian studies. Unlike my peers, I am not afraid to graduate, because of my comp sci background, I know I will have a jr. dev position waiting for me if I don't make it in academia. the skills I learned in my comp sci program help me automate the bs people do by hand, and also helped me get into the program.


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I recently dropped uni and started working as IT/General "office boy" in a company, and so far I'm feeling great. I was surprised on how much more flexible (and less stressing) working is when compared to studying. And just like >>8209, I taught myself a lot since then.

Maybe I just got lucky. But I do not regret my decision. In any case, best of luck to all of you, my friends.


Fresh out of Uni, I started work for a top-10 media company in London. 3 months into that I was scouted to work for the gov. I failed the clearance on the very last test and now I'm going back to do my masters. /feels/ sad not to be a fed, as I really wanted to do that, but at least I can go back to studying.


where you from and what program?


I'll be in Oxford this September. I'll find you on here then.


I feel like soykaf, probably will fail all exams. But hey I am still studying and stuff so I have some chances of passing at least one or two exams.


Were you the guy who posted something about the interview on /sci/ and then something about you fuarrrking up the entrance exam here? (Dunno about the chronology there, it's probably inverted)
If so, good job lain! I knew you'd get in there.


what do you do, lainon?


Did worst in most classes, but it's a pretty hard school and I passed everything so I'm satisfied.

Aiming for a B in most if not all classes this term, hope I can do it

Really enjoying dorm life and the community surrounding my school and area, space technology is a pretty interesting topic as well

Hoping to study satellite engineering in one-two years time


i lived in one place for 18 years and then a month or two before i start college me and my family moved. after that obviously i went to uni. I don't feel like i have a home now for starters and i dont know if thats just me or if everyone who goes to uni feels that. when im at home im not just on vacation and when im at uni im not just studying.

i also prefer being at my university to being at home. sharing a room doesnt bother me and it actually just gets me out more. i just feel safer there and i have friends there. almost my entire motivation to doing good in school is just so i can stay there.


>i also prefer being at my university to being at home
I feel you on this, even though I have a bigger room to myself at home, I feel like soykaf whenever I'm there. I don't feel like doing anything productive whenever at home but now that I'm back at uni I feel way more motivation to work on some sideprojects.


You sound like you're a first or second year, try to keep those B's going as long as possible. As a senior I've been happy just to pass things with D's and C's and my GPA's on life support. Not a huge deal because I have work experience and so don't have to list GPA on my resume, but it basically writes off the option of going to grad-school, which is rough to come to terms with.


so i just had a long ass break and am heading back. had some time to reflect on stuff and so im just gonna write down some soykaf i learned and thoughts, heres what first semester at college has taught me.

one is that im actually really fuarrrking stupid, i can do all the college stuff but there was a bunch of soykaf i didnt know about relationships and drugs and stuff most people learn in highschool but fuarrrk it better late than never right? and thats the other thing i passed chemistry without even going to it, c passing that is. and chemisty is a hard class too so thats cool I guess i can be proud of that though i think my professor pulled some strings cause he didnt want to see me again (guy hated me like to the point where he was nice to me the last day because he knew he wasnt gonna see me again). But yeah that C easily could have been a B if I just went to class so thats why im gonna make sure i do that next semester. im also gonna start giving a soykaf about myself more like i used to and not worrying what other people are thinking about me. gets me all weirded out and soykaf and i cant focus on the school stuff. anyway also gonna give less of a fuarrrk, i know a guy who punched the RA on my floor and hes still here so i dont see what the big deal is with smoking out the window and what not. im gonna try being more honest with myself too and think for myself more. i let people think for me a lot and maybe that works out for the best but its not good in the long run and its not good for my self esteem.


Don't give up.

>GPA? I don't care if it's 2.0 or 4.0. I won't even look at it. The school you went to? I'll judge you the same whether you went to Nowhere State U or a top-ten school. Transcripts? Never seen one. GREs? Irrelevant. Where you work/worked? Unless it's a research lab, it's not important. I don't think these items have much predictive capacity as to whether or not someone can complete a Ph.D.
>I discovered through feedback that some schools (including Utah) have a GPA cut-off. I think GPA cut-offs are absurd. Of course, GPA cut-offs are not hard. In practice, there is a way to override them, but it probably requires a professor going to bat for you and getting the right bits flipped in the university bureaucracy. So, if you have a low GPA, mention it after you've piqued a professor's interest, and ask if you think it will be a problem during the admissions process. [One of Utah's Turing award winners was a "special-case" admit for grad school because his GPA was below the cut-off. We're glad we didn't reject him.] If I really like you, I'll go to bat for you.


Doing a CCNA4 module with people who are unable to wire a switch to a router together. And of course they are chatty cunts who spend the whole time talking s/-/it with the lecturer or bitching and making excuses to them self "This is really easy but ....". So I can't get a word in edge ways while they get on first name basis.

I hate these pricks so fuarrrking much.


Love the /uni/ life. Getting mostly B's with very little effort, and I'm more and more getting into it, so I expect grades to get better, Bachelor history student, by the way.


Just got this years first term results, all A's but only just, I got pulled down a bit by the group-work.


Differential equations course makes me want to kill myself. I'm too stupid for this soykaf.


I am also double majoring in a high ranking uni in CS and EE in my country. We've got this huge very important exam at the end of the high school which basically determines where you go (state unis are free and private ones must have 100% scholarship for some people at every department, its very similar to Koreas). And since most people in the industry think EE also comprises CS knowledge, which is bullsoykaf, EE picks students among higher ranks. I was one of them, and after taking a course about C programming, i decided i wanted to double major with CS. The thing with EE is there is so much competition nobody learns anything. The instructors don't want to give all of us A's, so they make unnecessarily hard exams ( I got a C from goddamn logic design, like soykafing XOR gates and multiplexers, because the questions in the exams had no theoretical basis and practically puzzle games with only option as an exhaustive search on each component to use). People always solve previous exam questions obtained from upperclassmen instead of the exercises in the book because they know they are going to ask something long and unnecessarily complicated that 'uses' a fact that you are supposed to prove in an exercise of the book. Homeworks are like 2% of the grade all the time because everbody cheat in fear of having a lower grade than the curve. CS on the other hand, is a heaven ( especially when you leave the stupid unscientific analog electronics class where the instructor describes linearity as 'sine in sine out' and enter automata class where the instructor humbly asks you to prove that a finite stack machine cannot process context free grammars ) However, I feel CS is too easy because most students lack CS mind and focus on software engineering, and the instructors don't want to fail them. EE sometimes offers CS courses as electives under EE code, but I find myself doubting about my CS ability because I know I may fail if i took the course from EE instead. CS never gauged my ability that much.


perhaps college isnt for me
most of my hs teachers always said that i was a smart and curious kid and that i should keep studying, just like my parents, but i dont know if thats what i want
sad thing is that i dont know what i want
ill give college a shot and then see if thats my thing
all i want is a suffering-less life


That's not humanly possible and if it makes you feel any better (if you're in the US) a college degree is more or less the minimum for a livable wage unless you're enough of a genius to get recruited by an engineering or tech company.


Do it yourself but don't tell the group. Don't contribute in their presence anything significant (if they would actually get stressed about flopping). Turn in yours the day of. Tell them you just did it yourself.


Does anyone else do well in math courses but still feel like you don't understand the specifics? I've done calc 1-3 and some formal proof courses and 4.0'd them all, but I still feel like I just learned what I needed to to do the types of problems they asked


I did kinda below average in a maths and physics bachelor degree. Now I have 1 year left in a computer science masters, getting great marks so far.

However, I can't talk to people at all, I'm a complete hermit with no social skills. I never go to class at all. I'm almost 25 and haven't made a single friend since high school and i've essentially lost all my old friends. My social anxiety is severe. I'm only doing well and don't mind uni because I can do it all from home.

I don't feel like I am good enough at anything to actually get a job, and it's extremely daunting to think of doing interviews and trying to tolerate work. I have doubts that I'll even be able to do anything with other people watching over my shoulder / in a team. 25 and no experience or confidence. I believed that universities should be about learning rather than preparing for the workforce (I did do physics, useless but interesting...) but now unemployment is fuarrrking me so the opposite problem is apparent to me.

When I finish uni I expect to either fail at getting a job or hate working, so suicide is a pretty likely outcome I think. I've been unhappy for a long time.

I'm so useless but somehow I can do university coursework like a one-trick pony, it's been my only saving grace to keep me going for ~6-7 years but it has to end eventually.


Feel ya
I know I'm smart enough to do pretty much anything (that isn't pure creativity) and be good at it as well.
But nothing interests me, i can't keep at anything.
All I want is to just live with minimal pain, distract my head from thinking about anything meaningful. Makes me sick how much I sound like and edgy teen.
Just threw my courses.
Makes me sick to just procrastinate all day every day.
The idea of working again makes me sick.
I honestly envy people that are just after grades, career or anything like that, seems simple minded to me but they seem so happy and achieving.


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NEET here, couldn't make /uni/ due to health complications.

The fuarrrk do even do you? How different is it? Any tips for getting into the groove of it?


Oh boy! So I just finished applying. I'm not going to the place where I once tried but dropped out due to being unmotivated. Instead I picked harder, but more prestigious places in the capital city. May I be what I think I am!


Talk to a psych man, or even the uni counselor and they'll help you ahead.
People actually recuperate from your situation, it's not impossible for you, remember that.


I'm retarded and i transferred to a private school this year without checking how much it costs to go here. My dad's GI bill is paying for my education and I've never worked a job in my life. I just assumed it would be less because I'm not living on campus anymore but it's 30k a year and my GI bill is going to run out before the last year.

I have no friends and I don't talk to any of the other students or ask for help, even if i really need it. Last semester I skipped labs to avoid having to work in a group and every day in class I'm afraid people are looking at me. I try to not look at anyone but I think they think I'm looking at them and I can't focus on what the professor is saying. Sometimes I just leave because I'm not learning anything anyway.

I have anxiety about all kinds of stupid things like this and I feel like I'm not in control of myself.


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I've actually been doing really well this semester in school. But something always fuarrrks it up I either get tired and lazy or some soykaf gets thrown into my life. I recently just got fired for what I'm starting to think are more and more bullsoykaf reasons. Now I'm even more depressed and I'm just gonna take a week off. Probably do some homework and apply to jobs. But I don't think I'm gonna leave my house at all.


I am enjoying uni but only in second semester of freshman year. I'm lucky to have found a couple like same layer degenerates that I hangout with regularly. My cat has been doing a lot of drugs since I got here and that as a result of that I'm losing touch with my academic side, which is pretty distressing.

I was that "not good at math" kid in High school but after taking Calculus 1 last semester and Calculus 2 this semester I'm considering switching from Computer/Data Science to Mathematics for my major.

I'm doing fine in my classes but my motivations to do great have been significantly diminished, but because the main social event with my degenerate friends and I don't want to fade out of that group either.


I've got a date for Valentine's! It's a blind date thing, so I got matched with an English Lit major.
Wish me luck, lains.


You should not be going to school right now. I was in the same boat as you and the embarrassment of dropping out is far less than that of fuarrrking up and wasting a lot of money. Get soykaf straightened out, then do school, there's no real hurry.


If failing sure, but he didn't say he was failing. I behave similarly to him and get good marks, maybe his soykaf will never get straightened out (mine didn't), plus I don't know how doing nothing at home as a dropout will increase his chances of sorting his soykaf out


Last year I failed 2/4 courses, but this semester I only failed 1/5, and it wasn't relevant to my major. I think I'll become disciplined if I get a job, but i say that every year and I never do. Thanks for the advice btw.


Whats the best way to meet new friends in college if im already like a semester in. I had a very large friend group but I lost most of them and im not happy with the friends I have. Plus im still obsessing over an ex and I think meeting new girls would help me get over it.

The thing is I suck at making friends in my classes. It feels like such a pressured enviornment I just cant get comfortable. Also im a computer science major and im not exactly a fan of computer science people, its very hit or miss. I want to meet fun honest people who will push me and arent conceited or feel like they are better than others. It always seems like clubs and stuff are full of the same kind of people but I really wouldnt know because ive never been in one.

Also this is selfish but i need people who are interested in me too. Im just straight up not good at organizing events or times to meet up and soykaf. If people dont ask me to stick around I dont.


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fasfa only covers half of my school, so i have to pay 6000 out of pocket; and I don't know i'm gonna make the last $1300 payment.


Ur schools only 12000? Thats p cheap my dude. Should probably just take out a student loan, idk what ur major is but thats not some insane amount you wont be able to pay back when you are a bit more financially stable later.


R E S E R V E S.
Go into your branch of choice
Choose a nonviolent path (or whatever)
PROSPER with socialist government-sponsored education.


Is your life so worthless that you'd sign it away to the political ambitions of plutocrats via the military? I hope not, Lain.

$1300 can be saved from tips gained in a couple months of part-time work in food service.

What did you go to school to learn?


computer security, but it's looking harder and harder, I did the math I would need to get it within a month. I just manage to scrape by with enough for next month.

I don't qualify for anything. no scholarships, no loans, no anything


lmao that actually is a field that you would benefit from military experiemce


I keep not doing my coursework semi-purposefully in order to sabotage myself, I think. I have two real friends here and I don't go to any of my lectures. When they're both busy, I sit in my room and drink in the hopes I'll die before I know what went wrong.
I think I did well, I nearly got it together in life, but it wasn't quite enough.


Lainons, how do I memorize stuff?

I can barely keep 4 things in my head. I can apply things ok on projects and stuff, and profs have told me a few times that the understanding I display when talking to them for help or clarification or whatever is way past what my test performance would suggest, and I have no idea how to fix that. My school offers workshops on this sort of thing, but they're crap. I've been.

The fact that I memorized the alphabet when I was five and never missed a beat on that soykaf sounds impossible now. Like it was someone else that did it.


Product of technology. People no longer need to memorize things often, except when they do : ^ ). One little thing I do is that when I forget something I wanted to do watch listen to or say I dont just let it slide, I struggle as hard as I can to remember it and recall it. But thats just something small.