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lainchan archive - /feels/ - 9335

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Am I a bad person lainchan? I've wanted to get this off of my chest for a while and for some reason this place feels like the best. All of this happened about 3 months ago and it seems like it's over now. (I've changed all actual names for obvious reasons). I've never posted on a board before so sorry if this needs to be removed or reposted somewhere else.
I had a friend named Robert who I had known for 5/6 years at that point, he started to date a girl named Beth. Beth was a really nice girl who meshed with our friend group really well at the time. Eventually Beth and I started to talk more and more becoming pretty good friends. One night I was having a party with Beth and some other friends, Beth and I pull away from the main party and talk about stuff in my room. She started to talk about her kinks with choking and that kind of stuff. She takes my hands and wraps them around her neck and shows me how to choke someone. Both of us knew that something sexual was happening. When I was taking everyone home I made sure she was the last one I took home so we could be in private for a little bit. We made out and it lead to stuff getting a little sexual.
Fast-forward a month and Beth and I are having a full blown secret relationship behind Robert. We would go on dates and do cutesy stuff like that. It seemed like the only good thing that was happening to me at the time. I was in the height of my depression, so having someone to talk to regularly about it seemed like it was helping. But I realized after a while that she was one of the main reasons for my depression. I felt like I was being used for sex and money and food. I told her about these feelings and she said that I was being stupid and ridiculous and that I should just not be depressed. She only wanted to talk and see me when I wasn't feeling down.
I started to talk to a girl named Abby, I met her through Beth and she was really nice. Abby and I started to get closer emotionally, I talked more and more to Abby and less to Beth. Robert started to get more and more skeptical of me and Beth around this time and was catching up to us. I talked with Robert and made up some bullsoykaf lie about me and Beth only kissing and it being a one time thing. The only 2 persons I've told about Beth and I up to this point is my step-sister and my friend Nathan. I started to date Abby and I cut all relations with Beth, I stopped talking to her completely and wanted her out of my life. Robert somehow believed our lies and wanted nothing to do with me.
One night Robert talks to Nathan acting like he knew exactly what happened between Beth and I. Eventually Robert gets Nathan to spill the beans and tell him about our sexual relations. That was the night that everything was out of the bag. I expected to be outed by everyone around me and left out. But the opposite happened, Beth was looked down on, Beth tried to do damage control but failed after trying to cover things up instead of telling the truth. Amazingly Abby and I are still together and are coming up on 7 months together soon. I haven't talked to Beth or Robert since that day. Almost everyday I think about what I did and how I ruined a relationship and alot of friendships in just a couple month period. I don't know what to think about myself since then. I think I'm just a truly terrible person and don't deserve to be alive after that.
I'll be around to answer any questions you might have, I did a pretty bad job on explaining everything that's happened. What do you think lainons, am I a despicable person?


>am I a despicable person?
putting aside the fact that you are a biased narrator I'd say not rly
ya you did something bad but "Beth" definitely manipulated you when you were in a weakened emotional state which is more despicable
dont kill yourself over something as trivial as this


No, you're not despicable person.

You should remove your existence for the thing named 'Beth'. Remember that friendship is priceless.


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Calling yourself "bad" is judgmental and won't help you make better decisions in the future.

You've just learned the hard way what it's like to be manipulated by a woman. Next time a girl starts getting physical with you, refuse her. Refusing women is a lot more satisfying than letting them have whatever they want.


As >>9339 has said you have learned what it's like to be manipulated by a woman. You shouldn't let anyone manipulate you, however now you've seen first hand how it feels to be emotionally manipulated. It's over, there's nothing that can be done to change the past. In the future however think carefully about relationships you value; from your post it seems as though you valued your relationship with "Robert" and regret doing what you did with "Beth". If that's the case, don't let anything similar happen again.
>I felt like I was being used for sex money and food
You probably were, and you shouldn't have let her do that to you. She's a nasty person for doing such a thing, but understand that you're at fault too for letting it continue and allowing it to happen in the first place.
>how I ruined a relationship and alot of friendships in just a couple month period
It would be wise to keep in mind how quickly friendships can deteriorate when you fail to be mindful of other's feelings. Depending on how good of friends you are with "Robert" I see no reason why you shouldn't be able to be good friends again. "Beth" used both of you, and treated you both like trash. She whored around behind "Robert" and used you for money sex etc all while making you feel guilty. Both of you were used by this woman. If you both can realize that there's a lot of common ground between the two of you and if you two are truly friends, you will make up. IE
>Robert should be upset with her for whoring around and her using you for money sex etc, and upset at you for doing it with her then lying about it
>You should be upset at her for using you, but also upset with yourself for neglecting a friendship and letting her control you
Until you understand exactly how "Robert" feels you will not be able to make up with him, and making up with him is the quickest way to fix the feelings of regret and self-hate you are experiencing right now. At this point you have a choice of either making up with him, or just moving on with your life. Both are valid choices, however one is more morally correct than the other. Remember that if you can't repair your friendship, you'll end up moving on anyway. You only have things to gain by trying because at this point it seems your friendship is lost if you don't do anything about it.


>I've never posted on a board before
lots of posts on /feels/ starts like that, and everybody knows that's bullsoykaf. in good faith however, i'll assume its true and give you some advice: don't do it.
make the post first, and apologize for it then. or even better, don't apologize for it at all, unless someone points out that it is like kicking dead wool down the beach;


I have a somewhat similar story, Might as well share it if were having heart to heart time.

So I have a group of real life friends that ive been hanging about with for the past 5 years of my life. Ill just tell you about the people that matter to the story. There's me, My "best friend" Ralph [none of the names a real btw], one of my friends Bill and his Ex Girlfriend Jill.
Bill and Jill broke up 2 months ago after 4 years together, they seemed perfectly happy, childhood friends and what not. Now after they break up Jill comes to me and starts flooding me with all this emotion bullsoykaf, asking me for advice, using me as a shoulder to cry on, etc.
I bought into it fully, as she's asked me to have a threesome with here and Bill before (turned it down), so she clearly likes me in some way, right? So I went along with it, gave her a shoulder to cry on, I was there for her when she needed someone to talk to at 4am, I was the one that actually tried to help her out.

Yet here I sit, I've worked out that whilst I'm useful for her to cry too, I'm clearly not good enough as she's been fuarrrking my supposed best friend, Ralph, probably for like the last month and a half now.

I feel so fuarrrking stupid, why did I let myself get attached to someone like that just to get fuarrrked over.

I know she can obviously make her own choices, she can fuarrrk whoever she wants as can I, but she's still trying to talk to me now like I'm her friend even though I've figured it all out. She doesn’t know that I know as far as I'm aware.

Should I say something? I feel like a fuarrrking dickhead. Have I done something wrong? Please help :(


> Should I say something?
You should. You don't need being sucked emotionally just physically, you know
Next time she calls or want to visit tell her you are busy. And then again. After a third turndown, she'll stop bothering you. And ffs, calling at 4am, if it ain't urgent or circumstantial, is plain rude.


What you did was bad.
Understand it, have shame about it, and resolve to never do such things in the future from that.
Don't wallow in self loathing or insist on holding that shame for many years afterwards.
Beth is the far, far worse party in this, of course, but that doesnt change your knowing participation in it.
generally, >>9342 -san is right.


It's not the WORST thing in the world but it's still pretty soykafty.

Why didn't you just get Beth to break up with Robert as soon as you guys were a thing? That would been a much more moral thing to do, although still a little soykafty seeing as he was your friend.


To be fair to her, she does a very good job of playing nice.
I haven't responded to any of her messages today.
It's hard tho, she's the only person I've confided in because I thought she cared, But now she knows too much about me (and vice versa) for this to end any other way than a confrontation.

I'm really bad at confrontation.


She still wanted to be with Robert the whole time we were doing anything. She could never see us as a couple.

I never told Robert because I was too afraid of being outed when I was at one of my worst times.


There's no way he'd ever even bother to talk to me. He's given up on trying to make up, but I completely understand that. I'll just have to move on, learning from my experience. Thanks so much though, I'm really glad to have someone look at it objectively.


Then your biggest mistake throughout all of this was sticking with her while you knew this.

Treat it as a learning experience and move on. Be happy you didn't have to go through that with someone you seriously loved.



When I was in high-school, I stole my best (and one of my only friends) girlfriend. I did it deliberately and with great malice. I feel really soykafty about it whenever I think about it. I never talked to the girl again after our relationship ended, It was fun while it was happening like I got to uncork her and everything.

The interesting thing is, eventually the guy who I had taken this girl from we started talking again, I apologised (more than once) he played a few pranks on me. And now he's one of closest friends again. Feels good.

Women often interfere in the affairs of men. You've learned a tough lesson and you may have done a bad thing; if you feel that weakness is a sin your sin was weakness. If it was a learning experience for you like it was a learning experience for me, I think you're still alright. You should apologise to 'Robert' for cうcking him though.


>am I despicable
ehh, not really.

tl;dr: Robert dated a shallow whore who cucc'd him.

You were the accomplice to the cucc-ing, but eventually found a better relationship for yourself. If Robert doesn't hate you, all's well and good.


>If Robert doesn't hate you, all's well and good
agh, misread OP post.

If robert is salty that his gf cucc'd him, any and all salt ought to be directed at the girl, not her accomplice.

If Robert remains salty towards you, fuarrk him tbh


If OP hadnt known, that'd be right, but he did. Its warranted. She deserves more, shes plainly human garbage wheras if OPs version of the story is to be trusted he was weak and got manipulated into doing something soykaf, but he did it knowingly even if it was because of that.


OP was seduced by his friend's gf
He should feel a little dirty maybe,
but not actually "guilty"

Would have gotten bonus points for "coming clean"
>Rob ur gf cucc's u
>how u know
>bcuz she secks ME
Then Rob would have maybe been less salty

But as it is, I can't really feel any judgement towards OP for being thirsty