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lainchan archive - /feels/ - 9567



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No.9567

anyone else /doingnothingallday/?

im so addicted to image boards I lurk and post on them all day and keep several tabs open of threads. I can feel myself falling even harder into my depression but reading about other sacks of soykaf on these makes me feel even fuarrrking worse yet im addicted to this soykaf

  No.9569

I feel similar however i don't spend as much time on chas as in the past. Now I'm just watching some soykafty videos on youtube or waste time on video games. And the worst part is it doesn't make me happy anymore and I want to change it but every time I start thinking about doing something productive I feel scared and panicked. I think it might be fear of failing so I choose to not even start. I feel so useless

  No.9572

Go play moege, it's also doing nothing but it'll make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Or you can get to the root of whatever anxiety drives you to distract yourself so.

  No.9586

get into 40k and start painting miniatures, it's a great timesink. Any kind of timesink really, i just wrote that, cause it helped me to distract myself

  No.9731

File: 1485172390715.png (2.14 MB, 200x69, ClipboardImage.png)

>>9567
If you are already "doing nothing," then why not try meditation for at least some portion of the day? If you are severely addicted, start with only a few minutes a day and work your way up. I'm trying to do this myself. At first your mind will just race the entire duration of your meditation, but over time you will learn to slow your mind and even empty it of thought. I wish you the best, lain.

  No.9732

File: 1485178822691.png (209.98 KB, 200x132, tumblr_maksep0h4y1qc0cxpo1_500.png)

>>9731
Seconding this. Meditation is glorious.

  No.9737

>>9732
It really does demonstrate the difference between "doing nothing" and doing nothing.
Or even what the Subgenius call Slack, that is, doing nothing, but in a constructive way.

I like to think of it as running defrag on your brain.

  No.9740

>>9731
>>9732
Not OP, but in the exact same position, I might try it. Any tips? How do you do it? Just sit, close your eyes and slowly breathe?

  No.9741

>>9740
There are tons of methods with slight differences. You should do some reading and see if any seem interesting to you, blindly meditating without actually knowing the reasoning behind it isn't nearly as effective.

  No.9742

I do nothing all day most days. For like six years now..

How do I break this habit?

  No.9743

>>9567
Yea I get that man. Addicted to computers.

  No.9766

File: 1485287837509.png (358.63 KB, 143x200, 1367104084.png)

>>9742
You do what you want. Try doing nothing for a change instead of trying to do everything.

  No.9812

File: 1485396040868.png (180.46 KB, 200x120, spent.jpeg)

Avoiding spending limited resources. Economic activity causing more harm than good.

  No.9818

I'm so addicted to image boards I've written python scripts to keep me appraised of current threads. And tools that are able to grep for keywords.

>>9567

  No.9821

I have the same problem, but I think it's more due to the fact that I'm lonely and it feels like trying to put any effort into doing anything is pointless when you can do things like brewing soykaf. Like nobody wants to have an actual conversation anymore, it's all about trying to piss people off. Nobody wants to discuss anything, nobody wants to even have a debate. It's all about trying to say the most outrageous things so you can personally be proud that you fulfilled your daily pissing off people quota.

It's like people are always trying to do some winking to the camera bullsoykaf, except there's no camera to wink to. And honestly it's too much work to be constantly trying to be faking some sort of brewing soykaf persona so I just do nothing.

  No.9960

>>9731
Why though? I'm not OP, but what does meditating actually accomplish? If you would be so kind as to share your perspective, that would be much appreciated.

  No.9962

Videogames and 3 Chats on and off and some bullsoykaf programming on the side.

The only thing i do is produce creative vomit from alcohol and electricity.

  No.9963

does anyone have experience working at home? i'm good at programming and i really like to study, so learning trendy libraries/frameworks is pretty easy, and i'd like to be more independent, but the few times i tried to work in companies the environment was unbearable, a year was the longest i could take before quitting. I know it's a childish/selfish behavior, but i'm just unwilling to go back to that.

I think i'll try finding remote jobs, but i'm not sure how likely companies are to hire people without degree etc.

  No.9964

File: 1485959716071.png (3.3 MB, 200x200, 55470859_p0.jpg)

I do nothing for the most part besides completing schoolwork with bits of studying..
I've been trying to discipline myself so I could become more productive by learning programming.
But it's difficult to balance out your time when you're distracted by feelings of self doubt/uselessness.
I used to rely solely on what others thought of me, but I've learned to not expect anything from anybody. Doing all this for me self.
Hopefully I can adjust soon. I don't mind being alone.

  No.9965

>>9963
This probably isn't relevant to your situation but I got paid to do simple day to day admin on a site my friends owned because they were too busy. Actually me and my girlfriend were volunteering labour until they started asking too much of us. As soon as we start declining more tasks they offerred us a monthly stipend. This paltry sum grew into a $250 paycheque eventually. Not enough to live on but a boost.

We had no skills or background but had figured out how the site worked through years of being members. Pro: work any hours we liked most of the time. Con: unable to walk away or get assistance when we needed it for more advanced problems, also it became stressful because it was a project we personally believed in plus the "workplace" was in the living room so there was no getting away or leaving it behind after 5:00 PM or whatever.

  No.9966

>>9963
I recommend you use this thread, which discusses this very topic: >>>/λ/18463

It's near the end of the board, so you may want to hurry.

  No.9975

Working an hour a day just not to get kicked out then doing literally nothing, lying all day trying to block outside noise and suffering quietly. I still can't get over being born and forced to live and that there was never anything for me in this world. The cruelty of it all overwhelms me.
I'm only technically alive - I've killed whatever imitation of a person used to be inside and I can't stand keeping this living shell alive anymore. If I stay like this there will only be more pain but leaving is even worse. The contrast is too much when dealing with normal users. Most of the time I manage to appear almost 'normal' when forced to do basic stuff outside but it's their world and I'm an alien. It's too hard and it fails eventually anyway. Internet used to be my refuge but now everything online is theirs too. I don't really lurk anymore, now I feel like a stranger even on imageboards.
I'm tired of attempting to "fix" this because it never works and sometimes makes things worse, tired of explaining myself because no one will ever really understand or accept anything.
What I really want is to be gently put down like people would do for a sick dog or something. I want to be hugged tightly, told that everything's going to be alright, given a moment of comfort, love and understanding and then a lethal shot.

  No.9976

>>9567
For a few years now, yeah. Used to have a drive for certain things like learning languages or new things, but now I don't care. I have a journal I started in March 2015 that I've not kept up with because almost nothing is changing. Go to work, feel bored, go home, idle on the internet until it's time to sleep, and repeat. If I could just regain the pleasure I used to get in reading I would take that back up, but until that's back I don't know what to do.

  No.9991

File: 1486057521973.png (486.95 KB, 200x113, love_bride_love_la_bride_green-eyed_anime_girl_88119_1920x1080.jpg)

Same, I do nothing but play games(csgo,overwatch,LoL) and watch anime. Been doing this for almost 2 years now feels weird man. I'm not sure if I like it or hate it~

  No.9996

File: 1486064735711.png (145.24 KB, 200x192, 1481169112774.jpg)

it's been getting worse for me, i think.

i've reached a point where the only thing that will get me out of bed is class because i can't afford to not attend. i've started to eat every other day because i can't even bring myself to use the rice cooker that's literally 6 feet away from me. all i do now is browse imageboards, stalk old friends, and watch the same videos/channels i've been watching for years. i keep telling myself that i'll get back into programming or reading or anime or games or whatever, but i never do. i don't know what's wrong with me.

>>9821
>It's like people are always trying to do some winking to the camera bullsoykaf, except there's no camera to wink to.

thank you for posting this, lain. it's a perfect description

  No.10002

>>9991
My advice is try to quit it and start doing something constructive if you still can because I am exactly like you but for about 10 years now and it's really hard to do anything. I even stopped playing games or watch anime or movies because it need to much attention and concentration. All I can do now is lurking or wasting time on some soykafty sites. Feels very bad and I know that I have wasted probably the best years of my life but I don't even have any strenght left to try and change it. I am just waiting and wishing that one day something will hapen and will get some motivation and energy

  No.10016

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I can't get out of bed to sit at my deskand use my computer. If I didn't have a phone I wouldn't even be able to use the internet. I often wonder how did things get this bad.

  No.10018

I don't feel like anything is constructive. It all just...is. That's not bad, but it's hard to find motivation without purpose.

  No.10023

>>10002
Let me tell you what to do. Drawing something, even drawing badly, just some meaningless lines, you can feel it as art. stick your paintings on the wall of your room, cover all the walls at last...

  No.10024

Basically I do nothing but watch anime and masturbating. Oh, another thing is drinking beer. Now I plan to kill myself to stop this terrible world.

  No.10080

>>10016
this is very relatable. I'm getting close to failing my classes because I've lost the drive to do anything but stay in bed. It's like the part of my brain that told me what to prioritize has broken.

  No.10118

>>9976
>>9976
>>9976
>>9976
hey! i know this feeling well! it started ever since i fell in love with Lain after finishing SELain! i dont know about you but i managed to rekindle my enjoyment from reading by picking up books i had previously started but never finished. I also read, partially, easy-to-read books like Stephen King "On Writing." then work my way up to things like Joseph Heller' "Catch-22."

i love you very much, Lain, and if we cant ever contact one another I hope your life finishes with completion and gratitude.

  No.10166

>>9569
For me it's the opposite. In the past I used to spend all of my time playing video games and watching youtube videos. After thousands of hours on Steam and the constant, forced drama on youtube I just got sick of it. So now I spend all my time doing virtually nothing except lurking on chans and posting occasionally.

  No.10484

>>10080
I have this too. I think it's depression related. I was going to go to a therapy appointment about it yesterday but I forgot the time I scheduled the appointment for and I forgot to fill out one of their intake forms so I spent the hour when I probably had the appointment filling that out. such is life

  No.10489

File: 1487832627808.png (162.66 KB, 200x113, 1grimfandango.gif)

did this for a long time, it's hard to snap out of. I started torrenting books and reading and watching news and chatting on irc though and then got busy doing projects.

Wondering where all the time went and stuff

  No.10559

File: 1488058168462.png (224.56 KB, 141x200, 9943473_17165.png)

My reward system is completely fuarrrked up.
I dont know if i can be fixed, all i can do is drink and play games and get sucked up by depression.
I really need serious psychiatric help, but hell go figure how hard that is for me, i can barely walk or eat even.

  No.10560

I'm working on un fuarrrking my routine of not accomplish much but masturbation and self loathing. Even if I'm not doing something of some major value, getting in a bit of reading a bit writting, mkes me feel better about the whole thing. Trying to maximize the time I have and the things I do. Measure it, check it. And yes, I get derailed and fuarrrk it up sometimes. But it's important to at least keep at yourself to be doing something putting some passion into your life. Keep an eye on it and try and correct with a break in routine when you see that your not doing much at all. Hope you guys are working on that fight as well.

  No.10563

isn't it strange how some 'nothings' are seen as better than others. Say I spend 2 hours watching anime, that's seen as a waste, but if I spend 2 hours reading a book that's seen as a good thing? I might spend a whole day working on a song that like 2 people will ever listen to and people would see that as 'productive' but in the end it is no different to doing anything else. The problem is that you give your brain the minimum possible amount of stimulus to stop from being bored (in scientific tests most people would rather inflict pain on themselves than be bored), but you need to sometimes change that, either by doing something that is a lot of stimulus like learning a language or programing or whatever, or meditating to remove all external stimuli. This way you can do nothing all day and still feel fine.
or you can just take drugs

  No.10567

>>10563

I have the issue of, I have a game I want to make, but I can't think of ideas for it. I know that sounds weird, but that is really how it is. I want to be coding right now, but I can't because I have nothing to implement.

I feel like, as the years go by, my creativity has been slowly dying out. This, combined with the fact that some days I'm just... off (I guess), has really taken a toll on me.

Sometimes, I'll forget how to do just basic things. Other times, I'll just be soykaf at things I normally do, which further makes me feel like soykaf. I think, though, I've gotten past depression to just not being able to do anything but laugh. I used to be great at jokes, even that is starting to slip away.

I can't do college anymore, either. I don't know every detail about why the economy is in the garbage, but I know how to code; sadly, that isn't going to get me a job, much less one in the suburbs where I live.

I can't even do what I want because I'm so beaten down I can't think of anything. My creativity is gone, my life is basically just ticking away, I don't know how I'm going to get a job where I live, and I've lost the desire to do pretty much anything. I don't know why I'm venting here, and I apologize if this is straying from the topic of the thread.

  No.10568

>>10559
I'd probably starve if my dad didn't take me out to lunch semi-regularly. I can afford to eat well, and I can cook enough for my needs, but why bother?

  No.10636

>>9818
If your stuff does work you got precious experience. You could share it and start a project.
I am too lazy/afraid of fail to do such stuff.

  No.10637

>>10563
Depends on the anime, depends on the book. I'd say marathoning Stand Alone Complex all day is a better use of time and grey matter than reading drugstore pulp romances. It ought to be a bit of a warning flag that you classify reading books as a type of "doing nothing" in the first place though.

Writing a song, even if it is garbage and no one likes it, is still exercising creativity. The end product isn't all that matters and besides, the next song may very well be better. Every creative person has to produce some useless drivel as a stepping stone to learning to make something of quality.

Besides I'd bet you feel better after spending the afternoon with a guitar or some graphic design program than you did watching Sailor Moon the whole time.

  No.10644

>>10637
> I'd bet you feel better after spending the afternoon with a guitar or some graphic design program than you did watching Sailor Moon the whole time.
this is true actually. I was just sort of throwing ideas out there as an excuse for doing nothing all day. If I didn't have to go to college I wouldn't leave my room except for cigarette breaks. I love it and hate it at the same time, on the one hand it means I am free to do things like make music or learn random skills but on the other hand I often spend most of the day watching anime and brewing soykaf.

  No.10657

Same here but my problem is that all boards are getting soykaftier and soykaftier and I fear that soon there is nowhere to go.

  No.10659

>>10657
Boards are fine as they are, the problem is that it can't be the only thing that you do, your mind needs variation.

  No.10660

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>>10002
For some reason I have no motivation at all 90% of the time. I'm not sure why this is ether. I just play games b/c its a way to make me forget about what needs forgetting. And I do like watching anime but now all I can do is rewatch stuff I've already watched. But I put in 6 apps for jobs this week so thats a start I guess.

  No.10661

>>10660

I'm in the same boat as you, motivation is at an all-time low. Except I have a job - it's just so mind-numbingly, soul-crushingly boring, unchallenging, and socially toxic that I hate my life. I also have family - kids etc. It's like I've died, except the dead get to rest. I've boiled it down to "Life fuarrrking is like kicking dead whales down the beach". I miss having adventures and doing interesting things. I think I'd even go back to Iraq, which I thought was miserable, but still better than this soykaf.