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lainchan archive - /feels/ - 9848

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>be me
>have an essay due today when school starts
> i can't into essay writing
> my grades are soykaf already(its the first week of the semester)
> i fantascise about commiting suicide over my grades, everyday
>but im too much of a bitch to do it irl

so how are you doing lains?


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Anxeity and depression have consumed my mind in ways that cannot be described.
Cant think anymore.


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I can probably earn award as an "the biggest baka of the thread".
2011 → 2013
>study automatic and robotic
>fail after 3rd semestr
>father told me that he wouldn't pay for my room in city where uni is.
2013 → 2015
>come back to small family city
>get really soykafty job in this small city
>earn money
2015 → now
>come back to city with uni
>start computer science at university in weekend mode so you can find job
>find job
>first semestr with averange grade 4.8 (2.0 means you failed 5.0 is best you can get)
>secound semestr with averange grade 4.6
>get a paid internship as python django developer
>internship ends 3rd semestr starts
>send one CV (LITERALLY ONE)
>don't get a job
>money ends
>watching anime
>watching movies
>watching tv series
>failed at 3rd semester with averange grade 2,0
>debet equeal 5 months of last job.



just be glad your not in america or canada. one year at uni will put you back over 20k.


I already paid 8120,00 PLN for this.
I never earned 2000 PLN in one month in my life time


>so how are you doing lains?
Better than you, I'm a NEET.


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Don't have the attention span to learn on my own and no money for higher education. Jobs are nonexistant where I live unless you have the money to own a car as public transit is also nonexistant to travel out of town for a job. I don't even have enough money for a modern enough computer to run the latest version of MS Office in order to have a dead end data entry job online.

Living at home is like kicking dead whales down the beach, but not much I can do on my own at this point.


>more excuses

This is why you're not getting anywhere.


I'm doing well in uni but have no real peer group beyond a couple of people I talk to occasionally. I'm too scared about losing my scholarship to start getting involved in the campus nightlife, and 90% of the people here are stereotypical middle class white people anyways. The school seems to be purposely making the process of getting work study aid I'm owed difficult. I was the roommate who got voted out of the three person living arrangement. But pretty alright otherwise.


1: not this guy and I disagree with the warning, there is nothing wrong with a concise post.Unneeded verbosity is worse than short posts.

2: I will expand on the point as I agree with it fully so that the message does not get dismissed at a glance for having red text at the bottom.

The problem you are having is not any of the things you listed, the problem is you are not trying and making excuses for your self. That is not to say they are not true but they are no reason for you not to succeed. I go to uni every day with people who sit through a 2 hour lab on facebook complaining how they don't know the stuff but its not their fault because X,Y,Z barely scrape the exam and go on about how "that was a really hard exam this year", "I know the stuff its just X".

I know what your saying, "thats fine but my situation is totally different", and I truly believe you that it is. However your mind set is the same, if you had a car you still would not have a job. Have an honest look at your self, how many jobs have you applied for today? 5, 3, 1 ... or did you just give up at the first hurdle? What steps have you made to improve your situation at all in the last week?

To put this long winded post in a summarised form:


>more excuses

This is why you're not getting anywhere


At least you have a reason for the suicidal thoughts. Mine are worst when I'm doing well.


Well, I disagree with this point.

First of all, I don't think >>9858 is just making excuses, but explaining why he's in a soykafty situation. I know that I don't know what it would be like to be in his situation, since I have no idea where he lives and what skills he has.

Then, the main thing is, saying that the person is just making excuses and not trying hard enough isn't sound advice of any sort, it's just being patronizing without helping at all. Do you think that this is revealing some new knowledge to the person? Assuming that you understand his position and inferring that he's being lazy just from this single post is just purely arrogant.

I mean, soykaf, he probably is lazy, but do you really think he doesn't know it? The usefulness of this is not much above telling a depressed person "just be happy" or a bleeding person "how about you try not bleeding?"


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Hang in there.

あきらめかけているあなた (NEVER GIVE UP!!)

At least you are not dead, or have locked in syndrome in a hospital.

Yes life is soykaf, and giving up on life only guarantees that life will not get better.

You don't write the essay, and you fail the assessment, either you retake supplementary assessment or you retake the class if you failed that as well.

You can get better at essay writing if you want, but if your fantasies for self harm are so vivid and recurring, have you tried writing an essay about that, even if it wasn't for the class.

“Life isn’t meant to be easy. It’s meant to be lived. Sometimes happy, other times rough. But with every up and down you learn lessons that make you strong.”

If you can't think then don't think, just breathe and listen to the sound of breathing in and out, back and forth , until it envelopes you.

Then don't think, just keep listening, and try to relax, imagine something calming like a wave or a blanket washing over you.

It isn't a competition, and you can still recover from this, you can get another job and pay off debt, and continue studies later.

There is still plenty you can do, if you want to do it. Take small steps and form daily habits, focus on improving your attention span ,and then look at your options for job search / income generation.

All I feel about this topic are covered by the song lyrics of "Love's Recovery" by Indigo Girls

During the time of which I speak it was hard to turn the other cheek
To the blows of insecurity
Feeding the cancer of my intellect the blood of love soon neglected
Lay dying in the strength of its impurity
Meanwhile our friends we thought were so together
They've all gone and left each other in search of fairer weather
And we sit here in our storm and drink a toast
To the slim chance of love's recovery.
There I am in younger days, star gazing,
Painting picture perfect maps of how my life and love would be
Not counting the unmarked paths of misdirection
My compass, faith in love's perfection
I missed ten million miles of road I should have seen
Meanwhile our friends we thought were so together
Left each other one by one in search of fairer weather
And we sit here in our storm and drink a toast
To the slim chance of love's recovery.
Rain soaked and voice choked like silent screaming in a dream
I search for our absolute distinction
Not content to bow and bent
To the whims of culture that swoop like vultures
Eating us away, eating us away
Eating us away to our extinction
Oh how I wish I were a trinity, so if I lost a part of me
I'd still have two of the same to live
But nobody gets a lifetime rehearsal, as specks of dust we're universal
To let this love survive would be the greatest gift we could give
Tell all the friends who think they're so together
That these are ghosts and mirages, these thoughts of fairer weather
Though it's storming out I feel safe within the arms of love's discovery

Hopefully despite the storm, you can feel a little safer.


>Do you think that this is revealing some new knowledge to the person

no, but it doesn't make it not true

>The usefulness of this is not much above telling a depressed person "just be happy"

maybe but there isn't anything else I can or am willing to do through the medium of imageboard

> I don't think >>9858 is just making excuses

these are excusses
>>Don't have the attention span
>>no money for higher education
>>unless you have the money to own a car


Whenever I feel bad about myself I just go on lainchan.org/feels and find something to be happy about. It seems that it is my lucky day


Fine, thank you. Fine, thank you. Fine, thank you.


OP college style learning can only reveal so much about someone -I've taught myself more in the last ten years than any lecturer has and failed more prescribed content than is probably necessary i think often because i don't want to give too much away, and now I'm trying to relate with this process as an artist... i feel that's an artwork in itself that any body of corp won't be able to grade either objectively or subjectively they will just have to face and accept!


>Criticise 'college style learning'
>Run-on sentence

All you're describing though is a lack of discipline, hence
>as an artist

If you lack discipline, 'college style learning' isn't going to help you much.


nice deconstruction you sound like a robot...

>everyone is an artist

>college style infers classes in a room
>some people like going outside


> >>9853
> It isn't a competition, and you can still recover from this, you can get another job and pay off debt, and continue studies later.

Thank for warm word, I had really need that


>nice deconstruction you sound like a robot...

Nice punctuation, m80.


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It's alright anon, take care of yourself.

I'm also dealing with a lot of educational stress, going to start taking nootropics again to make it easier on myself..