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lainchan archive - /feels/ - 9940

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I'm sure there's already a thread for this, but I want to go in a slightly different direction. Have any of you lains talked anyone out of suicide? I've had to do it twice now, and I dread waking up to "x hanged himself, his funeral is in two days." Is this just me? Are my friends just particularly suicidal or is this a normal thing?


I've twice had friends who were separated from me by long distances who decided I was the one who was supposed to help them, even though I was in another time zone and they were intoxicated and typing gibberish at me. Then they'd get upset because I couldn't help. One I was pretty sure committed suicide but turned up after a few days in hospital.

I decided never to allow this to happen to me again. Not good for me, not helpful to the other person. I have no f*cking advice Lain, just thought I'd share. Counselling someone over phone or IRC is not something I know how to do.


Your sharing is appreciated. I know how it feels to be powerless in the face of their powerlessness. You're not wrong for not being able to help, and I appreciate your ability to make the right call for you.


Never saved anyone from suicide, at least I don't think so. I've talked it through with a few people on the internet who are depressed/suicidal, I hope what I did helped. I've been very depressed and lately it's creeping back up, but in the past year I had a couple friends really help me out with it. Didnt save me in the hear of the moment sort of thing but it was more of an afterward kind of thing, cause I was going to shoot myself the night before.


I don't have any personal experience with this but I just wanted to let you know you are a good person.
When someone reaches the point of serious suicidal ideation they need help beyond the scope of friendship so don't blame yourself if the worst happens.

As such my only advice is to help your friends get professional help. If you're there by their side even in the dark times then you've done your part.


There's no way to get someone to professional help if they don't want it and telling a suicidal person to "get help" is a good way to convince them to hang up on you. A big part of the problem is the way we use "get some help" to shut someone up during an argument because we're tired of talking to them, and so as sincere advice, it's likely to come off the wrong way.

Also if someone comes to you to talk and you tell them to go to a doctor, this feels like a betrayal because for one reason or another they chose YOU and now think that you aren't able or willing to help.

I'm not even talking about the effectivenes of such "help" in the end, just the difficulties in steering someone to it. The other hurdle is, depending on where you live and how poor you are, that help may not be available or up to any kind of proper standard. People where I live seem to think you can just pop by emergency or a walk in clinic and see a doctor that day or something. You can't.


Hey, there's a lot of suicidal friends who you could talk out of falling for a decades old meme right over here: https://lainchan.org/cult/res/6245.html


>I dread waking up to "x hanged himself, his funeral is in two days.
This hits far too close to home.

I've been on both sides of this, and there's nothing magic about any of this. Sometimes, people don't see a point in living further. Sometimes, you can make them see something in live that makes it worth living. Sometimes, you can't, and that is like kicking dead whales down the beach.

I was suicidal myself before ever having to deal with anyone who had suicidal thoughts, so one might think that I could have some particular insight that would make me more effective in helping people deal with it, but that's really not the case. I've know a lot, a definitely disproportionate amount of suicidal people, and there's no magical cure, no real way of making people love life out of nowhere or anything of that matter.

As hard as it is to live with, I'm inclined to say that there is no obligation for anyone to live - at least not an obligation to anyone else. Sometimes people don't want to live, and it is like kicking dead whales down the beach, and trying to get them to find new ways of enjoying life is good, but it's not always an option that works.


#suicide irc.rizon.net

>The body was too short or empty.


Perhaps your brain is unconsciously good at picking up cues. Maybe even though you consciously may find it exhausting or tiring, some part of you is getting an immense reward for helping these people.

No but I am that person. Its funny this >>9941
person this poster talks about sounds like me. I mean i dont tend to do go as far as ask for help from killing myself, i usually ask for some other advice because the person means a lot to me and i just want guidance and structure in my life. Ive gotten drunk intentionally so that my inhibitions would be down and i would reach out to people. But opposite/similar to you im never doing that again. I lost a potential lifelong friend because I tried to count on her for everything and depended on her way too much. Granted she definitely did stuff to hurt me but I can see clearly now which part of the blame is on who, and il never keep a friend like this. Theres a difference between sharing problems with friends and expecting them to be the solution.

i think what helps me get through my roughest times are the small things which is cliche, but knowing at least il be at peace sleeping. it makes going to bed something to look forward to. hope is important, faith is too which is similar whether its in god or yourself or an idea. knowing that every emotional trauma is an oppurtunity to become stronger and not be more broken. one thing il say is in relationships either both people are equal, or someone is better than the other. If you are the lesser one, the one that looks up to this person you probably cant help them. its unfortunate because its the people who look up to you who most want you to keep living, but i know people who look to me for help and they would try to comfort me and it made it worse. Also reminding people of their families or pets or friends might help them short term but not long term. Like this person sort of implied >>9997 living isnt an obligation for many, by saying things like that you are making it into one. This forces them to live, it doesnt make them want to live, they will be in the same place in a few days.


to add on a little analogy. Some people go to school to learn, others go to school because they feel they must. One party actually learns the other only does so long as there is pressure to.

Some people live because they want to, others live because they feel they have to. The first party is the one that continues to live. There wont always be pressure for these people to live, their loved ones or a friend will die eventually and then its over. Even a small defeat can feel like a loss of everything when you have no internal reason to live.


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God damn, the feels man. I have one really close friend who knows of my self harming and attempted suicide. I constantly worry her with my emotional baggage and I hate seeing the pain in her eyes when we talk about it; she tells me that if I'm going to do it, don't take her by surprise. She is also a depressed person but she can function well within society, and I know the worrying has to take it's toll on her mental health...I should probably stop hanging out with her.


I had a close friend like that too. She left me in the end, she got sick of it I guess. Even though I only bothered her with it when she begged me to be more open. Now everyday im turning more and more into a soykafty human being and feeling less sympathy for people who need help and are sad. Youd he surprised at the astounding resilience even the most depressed mind can have, at the cost of some humanity and kindness.


#suicide on irc.rizon.net for support and advice :)


I've been there Lain - sometimes I fear I'll be there again. I have a very tight knit, but unhealthy, group of friends and I've been through this a few times. Even once physically stopped a friend from throwing himself a cliff - though I still wonder to this day if he would've done it, he certainly acted as though he would.

As this >>10146 anon said, there's no magic words you can say in order to convince a suicidal person out of suicide. Nor is there any way you will be able to replace the words of a trained counsellor and professional. What a person wants is an ear, some reminder that there are people out there who care about them. When I was younger I tended to panic and say things which, while well intentioned, probably only further alienated my friend. Don't treat them like a basket-case, try to avoid hysteria yourself. Listen, stay calm but engaged and compassionate, try and give them a reason to live one more day.

But remember, you don't need to burn yourself down to make another person warm.