I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our internet.
Five score years ago, a great moot, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, metaphorically signed the lease to a website known as 4chan. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of anons who had been seared in the flames of withering loneliness. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.
But twelve years later, the anon still is not outside. Twelve years later, the life of the anon is still sadly crippled by the manacles of hotpocketry and the chains of NEET. Twelve years later, the anon lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material pleasure. Twelve years later, the anon is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.
In a sense we've come to our internets image boards to cash a check. When the architects of our chan wrote the magnificent words of the marblecake and also The Game, they were signing a promissory note to which every Anon was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all anons, yes, black anons as well as white anons, would be guaranteed the "unalienable Rights" of "Lulz, Funposting and the pursuit of ones fetish." It is obvious today that moot has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as his citizens of /b/ are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, moot has given the anon people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient GBP."
But we refuse to believe that the bank of electromagnetic dreamscapes is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of OC of this communications network. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us, upon demand, the riches of dank memes and the security of anonymity.
We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind Hotwheels and Geoff of the fierce urgency of Now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of censorship chaos to the sunlit path of being the little girl. Now is the time to lift our boards from the quicksands of fragmentary sub culture wars and insincere media to the solid rock of Anonhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of the flying spaghetti monster's children.
It would be fatal for the admins to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the anon's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of OC and anonymity. Two-thousand fifteen is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the anon needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in any imageboards until the anon is granted his internet tough guy rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our internet until the bright day of justice emerges.
But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of doritos and mountain dew: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative posts to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with memetic force.
The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the 8chan community must not lead us to a distrust of all people, for many of our colored brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.
We cannot walk alone.
And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.
There are those who are asking the SJW's, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the anon is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of anal brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our hands, heavy with the fatigue of late night posting, cannot gain lodging in the chatroom of the IRC network and the computers of the libraries and coffee shops in peace. *We cannot be satisfied as long as the anon's basic mobility is from a smaller imageboard to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our penises are stripped of their self-hood and robbed of their dignity by bot threads stating: "For Blacks/Whites Only."* We cannot be satisfied as long as an anon in Mississippi cannot vote and an anon in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until "justice rolls down like pasta, and righteousness like mighty sauce."¹
I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow asylum cells. And some of you have come from areas where your quest -- quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of social brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to halfchan, go back to fullchan, go back to 69chan, go back to lainchan, go back to 420chan, go back to the slums and ghettos of our normal everyday threads, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.
Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.
And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the original rules of the internet.
I have a dream that one day this internet will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "Nothing is True, Everything is Permitted."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of hatechan, the sons of former anons and the sons of former mods will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even /b/ of halfchan, a board sweltering with the heat of cancer, sweltering with the heat of censorship, will be transformed into an oasis of lulz and OC.
I have a dream that my four little waifus will one day exist in a post where they will not be judged by the standards of yandere and tsundere, but by the content of their character traits and visual appeal.
I have a dream that one day every board shall be exalted, every image and post shall not be made by underage b&, the SJW's will be made into logical and empathetic people, and the crooked NSA's glitterboyry will be made straight; "and the glory of the Final Boss of the internet shall be revealed and all users shall see it together."2
This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the basement with.
With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our internet into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to play vidya together, to struggle together, to use piss bottles together, to stand up against censorship in gaming media together, knowing that we will all fap together in harmony one day.
And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of moot's children will be able to sing with new meaning:
My internet 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.
Land where my innocence died, land of the shiller's pride,
From every computers hard drive, let freedom ring!
And if the internets are to be a great reality, this must become true.
And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of 69chan.
Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of hatechan.
Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of halfchan.
Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of masterchan.
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of 420chan.
But not only that:
Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of lainchan.
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of 2chan.
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of 7chan.
And when this happens, and when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every post and every anon, from every thread and every board, we will be able to speed up that day when all of moot's children, black men and white men, Jews and Goyim, SJW and Wizard alike, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Anon spiritual:
Do the impossible! See the invisible!
ROW! ROW! FIGHT THE POWAH!
Touch the untouchable! Break the unbreakable!
ROW! ROW! FIGHT THE POWAH!
There you go guys. Straight OC i made. I hope you enjoy.